Day 13 Self compassion

[Moppy]

Had to write an unsent letter today and I addressed a close family member describing my feelings about feeling inadequate, not good enough, a failure in his eyes et cetera and I really focused on where I felt these emotions in my body. I visualised the situation with him as feeling like I was trying to scramble up a steep gravelly hill and continually slipping backwards on the sharp stones.

So I thought to myself, “OK. So where to go with this?”. For the first time I actually acknowledged my anger and resentment, didn’t feel frustrated about it and thought “It’s OK I have these feelings, yes it’s OK and I don’t have to solve it.” Just doing that made such a difference to how I actually felt, the struggling feeling just eased off – and I suddenly realised that a major obstacle in our relationship has been ME trying to change HIS behaviour towards ME so that I would feel better. What I realise now is that the issue is really my lack of compassion for myself, I see myself as so unworthy and inadequate compared to him,and to hide that I had been blaming him. So much boils down to lack of self love, doesn’t it?

I also found some very good self compassion meditations by Dr Kristin Neff at www.self-compassion.org/category/exercises They are fairly short and really good.

Also a marvellous video by Louise’s Hay on YouTube called How to Love Yourself – 10 Steps to Loving Yourself.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Moppy. It's great that you realize you can't change anyone but yourself. And that you are more self-compassionate. If the person to whom you wrote the unsent letter is strong, enjoy his strength, but don't compare yours to his. He probably prefers being the stronger one. Most men do.

I remember the old Popeye cartoon in the movies when I was a boy. He always said, "I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. I am what I am, and that's all that I am. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man."

We are who we are, who God made us, warts and all. Most of our warts, if we have any, are really very small. The light inside us is big and bright.

 

[Moppy]

Thanks Walt.....it's been a long road to learn about self compassion and I'm not there yet! . I was brought up Catholic and was taught that we are born in sin, that we are unworhy, sinful and must constantly strive to be good, almost self hatred...not much of a look in for self compassion sadly. I was never able to reconcile the sinful,wicked person that I was with the teaching that God made us in his image...quite contradictory really.
I used to love Popeye whenI ws a kid...maybe I'll adopt his song as my own!!!