BinLA
Peer Supporter
Hello again, my long-time friends...
Apologies for this being so long in advance. I'm wordy. lol.
It's been a while since I've posted and that's usually good news, right? I'm not sure who's still around from the old days but this place was always far and away the safest forum to visit. Meaning, I could always count on quality advice here - not scare tactics, not meds-pushing... but the right kind of answers. I'm glad to see it's still going strong.
My story goes back to 2010, which is bizarre to write out and if I had known how long it would take me to truly feel recovered at the beginning I would have been terrified. But of course, looking back like so many who reach a better place... I find myself having a different perspective on those years. Yes, many of them were terribly hard. But it's what my life had in store for me. I was forced to learn skill sets I didn't have and as cliche as it may sound - there was a kind of growth in the process I clearly needed.
My story may resonate more with those who experience(d) anxiety/panic as their primary challenge. But, I was "lucky" enough to sample just about every symptom you can imagine... as evidenced by my many past posts here. One night back in 2010, I had a disturbing experience that led me to the ER with what I later found out was my first panic attack. This was on the back of years of quietly building stress I was unaware was brewing. And unlike many who dabble in panic here and there - my version hit me like a freight train... and simply never let up. I felt relatively fine that evening and after that night, didn't feel truly like myself for nearly 10 years. If you're reading this, please don't be fearful when you hear that. My journey was complicated by many things including a divorce right after it hit, having to be a single parent and complications from meds I was given to "fix" the issue... and then compounded for years by my own stubbornness and lack of quality recovery information.
This state went on for years. My most consistent symptom was morning anxiety and panic that started right when I woke and stayed the entire day before fizzling slightly before bed. I called it rolling panic. Add to that, dozens... literally dozens of physical symptoms from extreme headaches (days long) to severe stomach issues. (Gastritis-like burning, weight loss etc.) I couldn't sleep, was reduced to eating just a few things and lived a life of non-stop searching for answers, rituals to chase off what I was feeling and daily therapy of one sort or another - bouncing from thing to thing trying to escape.
Somewhere along the line, someone introduced me to Dr. Claire Weekes. And this is the part of the story where I should have figured it out and recovered, because she teaches exactly what we need. Her methods are essentially precursors to what Dr. Sarno taught. (Break them down, they are essentially the same.). But, while her methods pulled me off the ledge and gave me hope - I was still a mess. I wasn't buying in and I continued the "fight."
Years went by and TMS concepts came into the picture, and this was interesting timing. Because after so much time... so much research, I finally started to see some light at the end of the tunnel with my panic. The morning symptoms had eased. I was fearing panic less, I was finally learning to really float through what I was feeling. I was turning the corner.
And you guessed it, as the mental symptoms started to finally ease... here came the physical again. This time with true ferocity. The GI stuff took a turn for the worse and became the primary focus. Yes, anxiety was still involved... but I was now seeing the Symptom Imperative take effect. (I just didn't know it yet.) And that's where this place comes in. So many people here inspired me with their stories and incredible resilience. It was all starting to come together mentally. I was getting it through my thick skull. And finally, the concepts of true acceptance, truly allowing the storms to rage - while disengaging as much as I possibly could began to work their magic.
I began to engage in life ike I used to. I returned to the gym (a huge one for me). I was lucky enough to work with Jim Prussack, a great TMS-based coach who helped me understand what I would leave for you as the biggest key to remember...
IT'S ALL THE SAME ****ING THING!
It is! All of this stuff. My morning panic, your back pain, MY back pain, someone else's pelvic issues, others' eye strain, someone's chronic fatigue.... and on and on and on and on and on. IT'S ALL THE ****ING SAME! I spent years saying "yeah but...." when I heard that. But when it comes to mind/body issues - there are no buts! The brain can do WHATEVER it wants, whenever it wants. Obviously, true structural issues aside... Jim finally helped me understand this point. And that was one of the last dominoes to fall for me. Once that belief was solidified, it's been downhill ever since.
The other part of my recovery was just realizing - some days I may feel like crap. Just because I have this all figured out doesn't mean the brain will stop trying to protect me. (Especially mine apparently.) Some people may recover and never have a blip on the radar again. And some of us may hit a few bumps in the road. But once your agreement with it all shifts, it simply can't take you where it used to. It has no true staying power. Panic attacks fizzle. Body pains fade away without the fuel of fight and worry to survive.
As Dr. Weekes says, "no matter how long you've been ill, you can still recover." She was truly an angel in human form.
So, let my story give you hope if that's what you need. If I can get there, I'm convinced anyone can.
I'm back to normal life - but I spent 10+ years researching recovery concepts 24/7 and figured it was my duty to blab to the world about it.
So, I've written a book, doing some blogs and podcasts all on anxiety recovery. I'll link it below and if that's off-limits (mods) just let me know and I'll remove it.
Of course, I'm happy to chat about any anxiety/panic/TMS related questions people may have here as well.
Keep moving forward. Do not give up. If you're not there yet, you will be. I absolutely believe that.
Thanks for letting me write this - and thanks to this forum and everyone who helped me find my way.
Bryan
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAnxietyRecoveryMindset
Blog: https://www.theanxietyrecoverymindset.com/blog (The Anxiety Recovery Mindset)
Apologies for this being so long in advance. I'm wordy. lol.
It's been a while since I've posted and that's usually good news, right? I'm not sure who's still around from the old days but this place was always far and away the safest forum to visit. Meaning, I could always count on quality advice here - not scare tactics, not meds-pushing... but the right kind of answers. I'm glad to see it's still going strong.
My story goes back to 2010, which is bizarre to write out and if I had known how long it would take me to truly feel recovered at the beginning I would have been terrified. But of course, looking back like so many who reach a better place... I find myself having a different perspective on those years. Yes, many of them were terribly hard. But it's what my life had in store for me. I was forced to learn skill sets I didn't have and as cliche as it may sound - there was a kind of growth in the process I clearly needed.
My story may resonate more with those who experience(d) anxiety/panic as their primary challenge. But, I was "lucky" enough to sample just about every symptom you can imagine... as evidenced by my many past posts here. One night back in 2010, I had a disturbing experience that led me to the ER with what I later found out was my first panic attack. This was on the back of years of quietly building stress I was unaware was brewing. And unlike many who dabble in panic here and there - my version hit me like a freight train... and simply never let up. I felt relatively fine that evening and after that night, didn't feel truly like myself for nearly 10 years. If you're reading this, please don't be fearful when you hear that. My journey was complicated by many things including a divorce right after it hit, having to be a single parent and complications from meds I was given to "fix" the issue... and then compounded for years by my own stubbornness and lack of quality recovery information.
This state went on for years. My most consistent symptom was morning anxiety and panic that started right when I woke and stayed the entire day before fizzling slightly before bed. I called it rolling panic. Add to that, dozens... literally dozens of physical symptoms from extreme headaches (days long) to severe stomach issues. (Gastritis-like burning, weight loss etc.) I couldn't sleep, was reduced to eating just a few things and lived a life of non-stop searching for answers, rituals to chase off what I was feeling and daily therapy of one sort or another - bouncing from thing to thing trying to escape.
Somewhere along the line, someone introduced me to Dr. Claire Weekes. And this is the part of the story where I should have figured it out and recovered, because she teaches exactly what we need. Her methods are essentially precursors to what Dr. Sarno taught. (Break them down, they are essentially the same.). But, while her methods pulled me off the ledge and gave me hope - I was still a mess. I wasn't buying in and I continued the "fight."
Years went by and TMS concepts came into the picture, and this was interesting timing. Because after so much time... so much research, I finally started to see some light at the end of the tunnel with my panic. The morning symptoms had eased. I was fearing panic less, I was finally learning to really float through what I was feeling. I was turning the corner.
And you guessed it, as the mental symptoms started to finally ease... here came the physical again. This time with true ferocity. The GI stuff took a turn for the worse and became the primary focus. Yes, anxiety was still involved... but I was now seeing the Symptom Imperative take effect. (I just didn't know it yet.) And that's where this place comes in. So many people here inspired me with their stories and incredible resilience. It was all starting to come together mentally. I was getting it through my thick skull. And finally, the concepts of true acceptance, truly allowing the storms to rage - while disengaging as much as I possibly could began to work their magic.
I began to engage in life ike I used to. I returned to the gym (a huge one for me). I was lucky enough to work with Jim Prussack, a great TMS-based coach who helped me understand what I would leave for you as the biggest key to remember...
IT'S ALL THE SAME ****ING THING!
It is! All of this stuff. My morning panic, your back pain, MY back pain, someone else's pelvic issues, others' eye strain, someone's chronic fatigue.... and on and on and on and on and on. IT'S ALL THE ****ING SAME! I spent years saying "yeah but...." when I heard that. But when it comes to mind/body issues - there are no buts! The brain can do WHATEVER it wants, whenever it wants. Obviously, true structural issues aside... Jim finally helped me understand this point. And that was one of the last dominoes to fall for me. Once that belief was solidified, it's been downhill ever since.
The other part of my recovery was just realizing - some days I may feel like crap. Just because I have this all figured out doesn't mean the brain will stop trying to protect me. (Especially mine apparently.) Some people may recover and never have a blip on the radar again. And some of us may hit a few bumps in the road. But once your agreement with it all shifts, it simply can't take you where it used to. It has no true staying power. Panic attacks fizzle. Body pains fade away without the fuel of fight and worry to survive.
As Dr. Weekes says, "no matter how long you've been ill, you can still recover." She was truly an angel in human form.
So, let my story give you hope if that's what you need. If I can get there, I'm convinced anyone can.
I'm back to normal life - but I spent 10+ years researching recovery concepts 24/7 and figured it was my duty to blab to the world about it.
So, I've written a book, doing some blogs and podcasts all on anxiety recovery. I'll link it below and if that's off-limits (mods) just let me know and I'll remove it.
Of course, I'm happy to chat about any anxiety/panic/TMS related questions people may have here as well.
Keep moving forward. Do not give up. If you're not there yet, you will be. I absolutely believe that.
Thanks for letting me write this - and thanks to this forum and everyone who helped me find my way.
Bryan
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAnxietyRecoveryMindset
Blog: https://www.theanxietyrecoverymindset.com/blog (The Anxiety Recovery Mindset)
