Saoirse
Peer Supporter
So I was asked in my 39 days what am I happy about.
I was very nervous when last Monday week I was asked to urgently go to the UK London to train on my own. Now that sounds weird!!! on my own well for 9 years I have on top of chronic pain suffered General Anxiety disorder that has made my life at times so small and my world so little . I went from travelling the world with work on my own and never worrying about things above the normal. After my sever anxiety I became dependent on my husband needing him to accompany me and struggling so much all the time ,worrying and catastrophic thoughts filling my mind. I have to pull myself on a tight control and push myself all the time I am overwhelmed at little or nothing at times. I am afraid of the fear and the pain creates fear on top on the anxiety. Anyway since I started this program I decided I would just go and take control ,I was very nervous about so much. Sitting on the plane , I had a very bad experience and had a asthma attack while on a plane and they had to do a emergency landing so I also had a panic attack bad memories. I was afraid of not finding trains, tubes getting lost, getting overwhelmed in the training ,not being able to know my husband was just a cab ride away and he would sort everything out;his safety.
Anyway I went with my husband to the airport and was positive and had a very different mind set I had planned the journey in my mind so I planned it. With No Xanax for help. I was fearful but excited . I said goodbye and I was ok and then I was sitting on the plane. I was shallow breathing as the flight was fully booked but I just concentrated on calm and breathing. Then the pilot told us the London Gatwick was fog bound and we would be on the plane for four- five hours and could not get off as the time could change at anytime. Even with my husband I would have gone into full panic mode " I cant sit for more than and hour !! I won't be able to lie down and rest my back for 7 hours !!! but I just told myself my back is fine and it wont kill me and I am calm and ok so I have time to read and do nice stuff. It worked . We took off it one hour and I was fine. I felt for the 3 days in london like a grown up making my way around the tube, afraid but confident. Now I am home and my back is terrible and really killing me and I am stiff and anxious very anxious ,like I arrived home and allowed myself to unwind and the pain and anxiety to come flooding back.
But I am proud of me this is huge and my husband was so impressed he got emotional we we chatted on skype he was secretly so worried and we had a great homecoming.
I was very nervous when last Monday week I was asked to urgently go to the UK London to train on my own. Now that sounds weird!!! on my own well for 9 years I have on top of chronic pain suffered General Anxiety disorder that has made my life at times so small and my world so little . I went from travelling the world with work on my own and never worrying about things above the normal. After my sever anxiety I became dependent on my husband needing him to accompany me and struggling so much all the time ,worrying and catastrophic thoughts filling my mind. I have to pull myself on a tight control and push myself all the time I am overwhelmed at little or nothing at times. I am afraid of the fear and the pain creates fear on top on the anxiety. Anyway since I started this program I decided I would just go and take control ,I was very nervous about so much. Sitting on the plane , I had a very bad experience and had a asthma attack while on a plane and they had to do a emergency landing so I also had a panic attack bad memories. I was afraid of not finding trains, tubes getting lost, getting overwhelmed in the training ,not being able to know my husband was just a cab ride away and he would sort everything out;his safety.
Anyway I went with my husband to the airport and was positive and had a very different mind set I had planned the journey in my mind so I planned it. With No Xanax for help. I was fearful but excited . I said goodbye and I was ok and then I was sitting on the plane. I was shallow breathing as the flight was fully booked but I just concentrated on calm and breathing. Then the pilot told us the London Gatwick was fog bound and we would be on the plane for four- five hours and could not get off as the time could change at anytime. Even with my husband I would have gone into full panic mode " I cant sit for more than and hour !! I won't be able to lie down and rest my back for 7 hours !!! but I just told myself my back is fine and it wont kill me and I am calm and ok so I have time to read and do nice stuff. It worked . We took off it one hour and I was fine. I felt for the 3 days in london like a grown up making my way around the tube, afraid but confident. Now I am home and my back is terrible and really killing me and I am stiff and anxious very anxious ,like I arrived home and allowed myself to unwind and the pain and anxiety to come flooding back.
But I am proud of me this is huge and my husband was so impressed he got emotional we we chatted on skype he was secretly so worried and we had a great homecoming.
