My achievement then my down fall typical tms.

So I was asked in my 39 days what am I happy about.
I was very nervous when last Monday week I was asked to urgently go to the UK London to train on my own. Now that sounds weird!!! on my own well for 9 years I have on top of chronic pain suffered General Anxiety disorder that has made my life at times so small and my world so little . I went from travelling the world with work on my own and never worrying about things above the normal. After my sever anxiety I became dependent on my husband needing him to accompany me and struggling so much all the time ,worrying and catastrophic thoughts filling my mind. I have to pull myself on a tight control and push myself all the time I am overwhelmed at little or nothing at times. I am afraid of the fear and the pain creates fear on top on the anxiety. Anyway since I started this program I decided I would just go and take control ,I was very nervous about so much. Sitting on the plane , I had a very bad experience and had a asthma attack while on a plane and they had to do a emergency landing so I also had a panic attack bad memories. I was afraid of not finding trains, tubes getting lost, getting overwhelmed in the training ,not being able to know my husband was just a cab ride away and he would sort everything out;his safety.
Anyway I went with my husband to the airport and was positive and had a very different mind set I had planned the journey in my mind so I planned it. With No Xanax for help. I was fearful but excited . I said goodbye and I was ok and then I was sitting on the plane. I was shallow breathing as the flight was fully booked but I just concentrated on calm and breathing. Then the pilot told us the London Gatwick was fog bound and we would be on the plane for four- five hours and could not get off as the time could change at anytime. Even with my husband I would have gone into full panic mode " I cant sit for more than and hour !! I won't be able to lie down and rest my back for 7 hours !!! but I just told myself my back is fine and it wont kill me and I am calm and ok so I have time to read and do nice stuff. It worked . We took off it one hour and I was fine. I felt for the 3 days in london like a grown up making my way around the tube, afraid but confident. Now I am home and my back is terrible and really killing me and I am stiff and anxious very anxious ,like I arrived home and allowed myself to unwind and the pain and anxiety to come flooding back.
But I am proud of me this is huge and my husband was so impressed he got emotional we we chatted on skype he was secretly so worried and we had a great homecoming.

 

Hi Saoirse,

Thank you for sharing your wonderful success story. You have gotten so far, and I know it is because you have been so committed to exploring yourself, and because of your commitment to the SEP. Congratulations! I love that you share about your husband's appreciation for you and your situation. I feel warm hearing about this.

Andy B

 

Saoirse, I am inspired by your story and happy for your success! It's sweet to hear your husband's reaction, too. He sounds like a good man. It is disappointing that the pain returned when you came home, but you proved that you CAN do this, you can travel and navigate the world and take control of your stress and pain. I do hope the pain lessens again, now that you are back with your family.

 

Thanks Guys had a horrible week completely bought into that my work (very physically busy Friday) was killing me and spend the weekend house bound in pain. I push to do 2 short walks with my beloved dogs but just picked on my poor husband about how I am asked too much off and then realized thats what I always do ;too much like a self destructive side that thrives on creating misery and pain in my life.