Help

[plum]

There are actually activities which reliably bring me relief and distraction...I often avoid or delay them because I want to solve this thing first. I want to know that it's finally over.

These soothing activities are the very things that will resolve your TMS.

Remember Sarno identified the rage-to-soothe ratio. We could express it more like this;

TMS: Pleasure/relief/distraction.

Or in nervous system terms;

Sympathetic: Parasympathetic.

Or maybe this;

Sensitised: Calm and Restful.

Or finally;

TMS and Stress: Your Beautiful Life.

To reach the sublimity you need only pour your love, light and energy into the good stuff on the right-hand side of every ratio. When you demur, defer, avoid or delay you are feeding the left.

It's also scary, and frustrating to remember this hell as distraction lulls. The erratic ups and downs are exhausting.

Hell: Lull.

No more exhausting erratic ups and downs, no more emotional rollar-coasting, just a gentle coming to centre, to balance.

@Ellen's gorgeous reply is all right side wisdom:

So maybe the problem here for you is that most of TMS recovery is about "not doing". Sink into the present moment and let it unfold. Just witness. Accept. Stop analyzing and judging. Breathe. Let it be.

Coming to the centre.
The ":"
Looking to left and its madness.
Looking to the right and its peace.

I never knew what relaxation was until I finally learned "not doing". You no longer have to mold things to fit your expectations. It's exhausting and creates tension. Let it be.

The relaxed saunter into the lush green valleys and hills of healing.

I think I tend to use "acceptance" and "not trying" as just another thing to get just right, to make work, to torture myself with. For example, I get so upset with myself for being afraid of the pain or even noticing at all.

About this...

Can you see how all this is is a crazy bull rush back to left? All you need do is get out of your own way.

Your life can begin now. Just like you are. You are perfectly imperfect just like the rest of us. Let it be.

Plum x

 

[Ewok2]

What about a consult with Steve Ozanich? He seems pretty good at getting to the crux of things.

Another thought, maybe not relevant to you - what happens if you heal? Obviously this would be amazing in many ways but is there any reason you’re holding onto this? Do you lose anything if you heal? Do you have to face something? Do things you’re afraid of?

I really like Plum’s note where she says that deep down, we all know what it is that started this for us. I think that’s worth exploring.

If it wasn’t this (pain), what would it be? What is this successfully distracting you from?

 

[karinabrown]

What about a consult with Steve Ozanich? He seems pretty good at getting to the crux of things.

Another thought, maybe not relevant to you - what happens if you heal? Obviously this would be amazing in many ways but is there any reason you’re holding onto this? Do you lose anything if you heal? Do you have to face something? Do things you’re afraid of?

I really like Plum’s note where she says that deep down, we all know what it is that started this for us. I think that’s worth exploring.

If it wasn’t this (pain), what would it be? What is this successfully distracting you from?

Yes i think there is truth in this so much. And its a hard one to see.
To admit. When reading above like @Ellen also mentioned : its the not ’doing’
So when you would really stop thinking , analyzing, being scared ,
Stop doing all that: what is it you think you should be doing ‘ and are avoiding now?
(Being distracted from) its a great question. ..

 

[Time2be]

It feels like this thread says it in a nutshell:
- let it be, not doing, relax
- what happens when you don’t have TMS? What do you think will happen to your life if it would be gone?
- what do you get out of TMSing?
- be kind to yourself!
All this applies also to me. Chewing on the same old wounds again and again. It’s not helpful.

 

[Ellen]

triple like

I think I tend to use "acceptance" and "not trying" as just another thing to get just right, to make work, to torture myself with. For example, I get so upset with myself for being afraid of the pain or even noticing at all.

You're making it into a "doing". "Not doing" is very hard to explain and teach. It has to be experienced. Be the silent witness. Relinquish control, since it's an illusion anyway. Life unfolds in spite of what we do to try to control it. Imagine letting go and the relief that follows.Tell yourself "I don't have to be perfect. Life doesn't have to be perfect. Everything is fine as it is." Practice in short periods. It gets easier over time.

 

[karinabrown]

Thanks karina. I have actually gone back to college in the midst of all this. But I think there is more that I could do to find other focuses. In fact I know there are activities which I find engaging and engrossing which I often put off because I feel like I need to 'solve' this pain first. I know that's backwards.

I haven't taken pain killers. My pain is never very severe ... It's severely disturbing, severely upsetting, severely frustrating, but even at my worst I can still recognize - though sometimes have to remind myself - that, on the pain scale, it's not that bad.

I think its great that you found a focus on other stuff, cause i think that’s the answer to take the focus off ‘fixing you’ What you said about ‘solving this pain first ‘ that’s familiair : i did that too : i will not do this or that before i fixed this pain.’ That did not work.
And as read above too : what’s The possible (other than the ‘painexcuse ) reason for putting your life on hold’ ?

I think by now i know this reason for myself and its not fun to look that in the eye, but maybe the real deal

 

[eskimoeskimo]

These soothing activities are the very things that will resolve your TMS.

Remember Sarno identified the rage-to-soothe ratio. We could express it more like this;

TMS: Pleasure/relief/distraction.

Or in nervous system terms;

Sympathetic: Parasympathetic.

Or maybe this;

Sensitised: Calm and Restful.

Or finally;

TMS and Stress: Your Beautiful Life.

To reach the sublimity you need only pour your love, light and energy into the good stuff on the right-hand side of every ratio. When you demur, defer, avoid or delay you are feeding the left.



Hell: Lull.

No more exhausting erratic ups and downs, no more emotional rollar-coasting, just a gentle coming to centre, to balance.

@Ellen's gorgeous reply is all right side wisdom:



Coming to the centre.
The ":"
Looking to left and its madness.
Looking to the right and its peace.



The relaxed saunter into the lush green valleys and hills of healing.



About this...

Can you see how all this is is a crazy bull rush back to left? All you need do is get out of your own way.



Plum x

There's a lot in this message, and it helped me when I saw it yesterday ... thank you.

Just thinking out loud ... I worry sometimes that the recommended strategies are a kind of three card monty. There are about a dozen things we're all supposed to be working on, and I'm convinced that they're not all simpatico. I feel like I'll be focusing on a few things - say staying busy, focusing on life, and daily meditation, for example - then, when that's not working, someone will tell me "no, no you should be focusing on 'feeling your feelings' and journaling" ... then that won't help, then someone will say, "of course that's not going to do it, you need to be more social and focus on not fearing the pain and telling yourself that it's harmless" ... then that won't help, then ... etc etc etc.

I feel like I've tried every possible combo ...

Losing faith ...

 

[eskimoeskimo]

What about a consult with Steve Ozanich? He seems pretty good at getting to the crux of things.

Another thought, maybe not relevant to you - what happens if you heal? Obviously this would be amazing in many ways but is there any reason you’re holding onto this? Do you lose anything if you heal? Do you have to face something? Do things you’re afraid of?

I really like Plum’s note where she says that deep down, we all know what it is that started this for us. I think that’s worth exploring.

If it wasn’t this (pain), what would it be? What is this successfully distracting you from?

Thanks for your message Ewok. I know there are some things, many things, big things that I'm delaying because of this pain. I am working towards them. Isn't this back to the "secondary gain" theory of pain though that Sarno vehemently rejected? I don't mean that rhetorically, I really want to hear your thoughts ... I'm confused on this point.

Also, I do have a good idea of what started all of this. But I've journaled about it and talked about it with therapists endlessly to no avail pain wise.

 

[eskimoeskimo]

It feels like this thread says it in a nutshell:
- let it be, not doing, relax
- what happens when you don’t have TMS? What do you think will happen to your life if it would be gone?
- what do you get out of TMSing?
- be kind to yourself!
All this applies also to me. Chewing on the same old wounds again and again. It’s not helpful.

I agree, Time2be, this is a good short list of things to keep in mind. I do worry that I've already tried these things for a long time though.

 

[eskimoeskimo]

You're making it into a "doing". "Not doing" is very hard to explain and teach. It has to be experienced. Be the silent witness. Relinquish control, since it's an illusion anyway. Life unfolds in spite of what we do to try to control it. Imagine letting go and the relief that follows.Tell yourself "I don't have to be perfect. Life doesn't have to be perfect. Everything is fine as it is." Practice in short periods. It gets easier over time.

I'll keep trying, or not trying, or -

 

[colls100]

Eskimo, I was where you are exactly one week ago, ready to give up. Then, I finally got it. The key here is that your sympathetic nervous system needs soothing. Stop battling the pain; it only reinforces it and perpetuates it; instead, soothe a nervous system that is in fear and is stuck on a loop of stress> fear> pain, repeat. Your brain needs rewiring, so do only one thing: visualize your brain’s pain receptors shutting down and then off. Mentally envision stopping the brain from releasing the danger signals in the first place. Bathe your nervous system in warmth and light, music, muscle relaxants, if necessary, electrical energy, anything to let the brain know it doesn’t need to fight.

I’ve been dealing with this cycle for decades, and when I accepted where I was and stopped battling my brain, the light switched on. You are TMSing, as we all do, so give yourself a break, hun, and relax. Stop fighting with your nervous system, work with it. Like a child throwing a tantrum, give it what it needs: love and attention. Every time you have pain, soothe your brain. Listen to mindfulness music, (there are great ones on YouTube) and calm your nervous system. Right now, your brain is doing what it has learned to do: express stress through pain. Learn new ways of reacting to the pain and tell yourself you are safe, there is no need to fear. I have been doing this numerous times a day, while visualizing my brain creating new neurons. It takes concentration, but the key is to not rev up your nervous system. Do it gently, little bit at a time, but do it consistently. Treat your brain like a little child that doesn’t know any better and teach it a better way.

Take care.
Julia

It is so amazing to see you write this post having read you saying you were about to give up. So happy for you and thanks for sharing the knowledge XXX

 

[colls100]

triple like

I think I tend to use "acceptance" and "not trying" as just another thing to get just right, to make work, to torture myself with. For example, I get so upset with myself for being afraid of the pain or even noticing at all.

This is my biggest struggle. I cannot find a balance between approaching this with TMS strategies, and 'trying too hard'

I'm either trying way too hard to fit in all the TMS stuff, or I am 'giving up' as opposed to accepting... if that makes sense.

Doesn't help I work 10 hour days as a sales Director :/

 

[karinabrown]

You're making it into a "doing". "Not doing" is very hard to explain and teach. It has to be experienced. Be the silent witness. Relinquish control, since it's an illusion anyway. Life unfolds in spite of what we do to try to control it. Imagine letting go and the relief that follows.Tell yourself "I don't have to be perfect. Life doesn't have to be perfect. Everything is fine as it is." Practice in short periods. It gets easier over time.

I like this a lot Ellen and know it is what its all about.
I see that in so many posts here on the wiki : (including many of me) this drive to wanna fix it , to be healed , to be ,cured’ . When pain is dibilitating and you cannot do anything its logical to be in that state. But when you get past that : there is this sudden need to go for 110% (The true tmser)
When i was at rock bottom just 40 % improvement sounded like a dream. When i got to that point : i almost forgot that and wanted so much more.
Lately noticed that my idea of ,healed / cured ‘ was blurry all this time.
reading success stories and talking to people here i realized its not the goal to be without pain or problems : its not natural. Life will stay messy and i will ofbalace from time to time.
. ‘Every thing is fine as is’ as you said.
I like that : trying to take life as it comes. Accept fear will show again but get past that again and again. Learning to trust yourself enough to deal with that

 

[Time2be]

Eskimoeskimo, I understand your frustration. I looked into some old threads and as you also say here, it's a constant struggle for you and you tried everything. Now, I did that also. I had psychoanalysis for 6 years which kept the pain either away or it only showed for shorter periods. But I didn't solve the problem. So, here I am now 10 years later and I think now differently about it. Before I thought I need the one silver bullet that will solve the problem. Like a revelation about myself. And then from there on everything is fine. Others expect this from medicine or treatment, different sitting posture etc. All these are delays.
What I have learned:
- the pain will sometimes reoccur, especially in times where you are under pressure. I accept this now and try to learn from it
- a kind of leap of faith is needed. I am not a religious person (I know in the US this is not so accepted ...), but even I started to think that I need to have trust. God usually is the ultimate trust, someone who embraces all of you, also the flaws and the sadness. To me it helps to think that I also have a right to trust in goodness, in that things can be right. This gives me strength, but also allows me softness, being weak at times.
- I know sometimes that I should act differently, e.g. that I should not accept some extra work because it will put me under pressure. And then I do it anyway, for different reasons. Mostly for the reason that I cannot see myself as a person who is not able to manage. I need to change this construction about myself.
- and then the elephant in the room. This is not talking about the silver bullet. You had psychotherapy, so did I. But there was something, that I never saw really clearly. There is no good life in the wrong life.

And maybe a session with Steve O. could help. He seem to be someone who does not give up on a person easily

 

[plum]

Amazing really that there are so many ways of describing relax.

That is all TMS healing is. Learning to relax both mind and body.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Relaxing.

Relaxing around everything in your life.

People get stuck when they become obsessed with healing. It becomes the latest thing to be uptight about, or fret about. Way too much thinking about letting go and simply relaxing.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

OMG, I am overwhelmed by the love and the support and the awesome advice on this thread.

And eskimoeskimo, I know you have offered many supportive and loving contributions of your own to other members. So I have just one thing to add, something that I learned early on in doing this work, thanks to the love and support that I received:

The most important thing that you have to do is to be able to love yourself enough that you know, in your heart, that you deserve to heal.​

Love to all,

~Jan

 

[Ewok2]

Thanks for your message Ewok. I know there are some things, many things, big things that I'm delaying because of this pain. I am working towards them. Isn't this back to the "secondary gain" theory of pain though that Sarno vehemently rejected? I don't mean that rhetorically, I really want to hear your thoughts ... I'm confused on this point.

Also, I do have a good idea of what started all of this. But I've journaled about it and talked about it with therapists endlessly to no avail pain wise.

I don’t think that’s what’s meant by secondary gain. I mean - all TMS is secondary gain if you look it it like that because our brain is doing is a favour, so we benefit - gain. I just think it’s worth exploring if something might be holding you back.

 

[MindBodyPT]

I don’t think that’s what’s meant by secondary gain. I mean - all TMS is secondary gain if you look it it like that because our brain is doing is a favour, so we benefit - gain. I just think it’s worth exploring if something might be holding you back.

Yeah the "secondary gain" referenced by Sarno (and known by us in the medical community) is really more the situation of someone fabricating symptoms to gain something...this actually does happen occasionally when there are lawsuits involved or other obvious financial gain but is far less common than some (non TMS) practitioners would think. I don't think unconsciously holding onto pain for protection or "gain" is what was meant at all.

 

[eskimoeskimo]

I don’t think that’s what’s meant by secondary gain. I mean - all TMS is secondary gain if you look it it like that because our brain is doing is a favour, so we benefit - gain. I just think it’s worth exploring if something might be holding you back.

Good point. I think I see this difference. I think Sarno was referring to a more outdated type of "secondary gain" theory, wherein the patient is faking or exaggerating pain in order to gain some concrete benefit, whereas we're talking about real pain as a distraction mechanism, distracting from things we are afraid to face.

 

[eskimoeskimo]

Yeah the "secondary gain" referenced by Sarno (and known by us in the medical community) is really more the situation of someone fabricating symptoms to gain something...this actually does happen occasionally when there are lawsuits involved or other obvious financial gain but is far less common than some (non TMS) practitioners would think. I don't think unconsciously holding onto pain for protection or "gain" is what was meant at all.

Haha wow, MindBodyPT! I replied to Ewok2 before I noticed that you had already replied and ... look how similar our thoughts are on this!