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Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by eskimoeskimo, Feb 12, 2018.

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  1. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    These soothing activities are the very things that will resolve your TMS.

    Remember Sarno identified the rage-to-soothe ratio. We could express it more like this;

    TMS: Pleasure/relief/distraction.

    Or in nervous system terms;

    Sympathetic: Parasympathetic.

    Or maybe this;

    Sensitised: Calm and Restful.

    Or finally;

    TMS and Stress: Your Beautiful Life.

    To reach the sublimity you need only pour your love, light and energy into the good stuff on the right-hand side of every ratio. When you demur, defer, avoid or delay you are feeding the left.

    Hell: Lull.

    No more exhausting erratic ups and downs, no more emotional rollar-coasting, just a gentle coming to centre, to balance.

    @Ellen's gorgeous reply is all right side wisdom:

    Coming to the centre.
    The ":"
    Looking to left and its madness.
    Looking to the right and its peace.

    The relaxed saunter into the lush green valleys and hills of healing.

    About this...

    Can you see how all this is is a crazy bull rush back to left? All you need do is get out of your own way.

    Plum x
     
    Lily Rose likes this.
  2. Ewok2

    Ewok2 Peer Supporter

    What about a consult with Steve Ozanich? He seems pretty good at getting to the crux of things.

    Another thought, maybe not relevant to you - what happens if you heal? Obviously this would be amazing in many ways but is there any reason you’re holding onto this? Do you lose anything if you heal? Do you have to face something? Do things you’re afraid of?

    I really like Plum’s note where she says that deep down, we all know what it is that started this for us. I think that’s worth exploring.

    If it wasn’t this (pain), what would it be? What is this successfully distracting you from?
     
  3. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member


    Yes i think there is truth in this so much. And its a hard one to see.
    To admit. When reading above like @Ellen also mentioned : its the not ’doing’
    So when you would really stop thinking , analyzing, being scared ,
    Stop doing all that: what is it you think you should be doing ‘ and are avoiding now?
    (Being distracted from) its a great question. ..
     
    Lily Rose likes this.
  4. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    It feels like this thread says it in a nutshell:
    - let it be, not doing, relax
    - what happens when you don’t have TMS? What do you think will happen to your life if it would be gone?
    - what do you get out of TMSing?
    - be kind to yourself!
    All this applies also to me. Chewing on the same old wounds again and again. It’s not helpful.
     
  5. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    You're making it into a "doing". "Not doing" is very hard to explain and teach. It has to be experienced. Be the silent witness. Relinquish control, since it's an illusion anyway. Life unfolds in spite of what we do to try to control it. Imagine letting go and the relief that follows.Tell yourself "I don't have to be perfect. Life doesn't have to be perfect. Everything is fine as it is." Practice in short periods. It gets easier over time.
     
  6. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    I think its great that you found a focus on other stuff, cause i think that’s the answer to take the focus off ‘fixing you’ What you said about ‘solving this pain first ‘ that’s familiair : i did that too : i will not do this or that before i fixed this pain.’ That did not work.
    And as read above too : what’s The possible (other than the ‘painexcuse ) reason for putting your life on hold’ ?

    I think by now i know this reason for myself and its not fun to look that in the eye, but maybe the real deal
     
    eskimoeskimo, Ellen and Time2be like this.
  7. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    There's a lot in this message, and it helped me when I saw it yesterday ... thank you.

    Just thinking out loud ... I worry sometimes that the recommended strategies are a kind of three card monty. There are about a dozen things we're all supposed to be working on, and I'm convinced that they're not all simpatico. I feel like I'll be focusing on a few things - say staying busy, focusing on life, and daily meditation, for example - then, when that's not working, someone will tell me "no, no you should be focusing on 'feeling your feelings' and journaling" ... then that won't help, then someone will say, "of course that's not going to do it, you need to be more social and focus on not fearing the pain and telling yourself that it's harmless" ... then that won't help, then ... etc etc etc.

    I feel like I've tried every possible combo ...

    Losing faith ...
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2018
  8. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    Thanks for your message Ewok. I know there are some things, many things, big things that I'm delaying because of this pain. I am working towards them. Isn't this back to the "secondary gain" theory of pain though that Sarno vehemently rejected? I don't mean that rhetorically, I really want to hear your thoughts ... I'm confused on this point.

    Also, I do have a good idea of what started all of this. But I've journaled about it and talked about it with therapists endlessly to no avail pain wise.
     
  9. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    I agree, Time2be, this is a good short list of things to keep in mind. I do worry that I've already tried these things for a long time though.
     
  10. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    I'll keep trying, or not trying, or -
     
  11. colls100

    colls100 Well known member

    It is so amazing to see you write this post having read you saying you were about to give up. So happy for you and thanks for sharing the knowledge XXX
     
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  12. colls100

    colls100 Well known member

    This is my biggest struggle. I cannot find a balance between approaching this with TMS strategies, and 'trying too hard'

    I'm either trying way too hard to fit in all the TMS stuff, or I am 'giving up' as opposed to accepting... if that makes sense.

    Doesn't help I work 10 hour days as a sales Director :/
     
  13. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    I like this a lot Ellen and know it is what its all about.
    I see that in so many posts here on the wiki : (including many of me) this drive to wanna fix it , to be healed , to be ,cured’ . When pain is dibilitating and you cannot do anything its logical to be in that state. But when you get past that : there is this sudden need to go for 110% (The true tmser)
    When i was at rock bottom just 40 % improvement sounded like a dream. When i got to that point : i almost forgot that and wanted so much more.
    Lately noticed that my idea of ,healed / cured ‘ was blurry all this time.
    reading success stories and talking to people here i realized its not the goal to be without pain or problems : its not natural. Life will stay messy and i will ofbalace from time to time.
    . ‘Every thing is fine as is’ as you said.
    I like that : trying to take life as it comes. Accept fear will show again but get past that again and again. Learning to trust yourself enough to deal with that
     
    Ellen and westb like this.
  14. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Eskimoeskimo, I understand your frustration. I looked into some old threads and as you also say here, it's a constant struggle for you and you tried everything. Now, I did that also. I had psychoanalysis for 6 years which kept the pain either away or it only showed for shorter periods. But I didn't solve the problem. So, here I am now 10 years later and I think now differently about it. Before I thought I need the one silver bullet that will solve the problem. Like a revelation about myself. And then from there on everything is fine. Others expect this from medicine or treatment, different sitting posture etc. All these are delays.
    What I have learned:
    - the pain will sometimes reoccur, especially in times where you are under pressure. I accept this now and try to learn from it
    - a kind of leap of faith is needed. I am not a religious person (I know in the US this is not so accepted ...), but even I started to think that I need to have trust. God usually is the ultimate trust, someone who embraces all of you, also the flaws and the sadness. To me it helps to think that I also have a right to trust in goodness, in that things can be right. This gives me strength, but also allows me softness, being weak at times.
    - I know sometimes that I should act differently, e.g. that I should not accept some extra work because it will put me under pressure. And then I do it anyway, for different reasons. Mostly for the reason that I cannot see myself as a person who is not able to manage. I need to change this construction about myself.
    - and then the elephant in the room. This is not talking about the silver bullet. You had psychotherapy, so did I. But there was something, that I never saw really clearly. There is no good life in the wrong life.

    And maybe a session with Steve O. could help. He seem to be someone who does not give up on a person easily :)
     
    eskimoeskimo and JanAtheCPA like this.
  15. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Amazing really that there are so many ways of describing relax.

    That is all TMS healing is. Learning to relax both mind and body.

    Nothing more, nothing less.

    Relaxing.

    Relaxing around everything in your life.

    People get stuck when they become obsessed with healing. It becomes the latest thing to be uptight about, or fret about. Way too much thinking about letting go and simply relaxing.
     
  16. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    OMG, I am overwhelmed by the love and the support and the awesome advice on this thread.

    And eskimoeskimo, I know you have offered many supportive and loving contributions of your own to other members. So I have just one thing to add, something that I learned early on in doing this work, thanks to the love and support that I received:

    The most important thing that you have to do is to be able to love yourself enough that you know, in your heart, that you deserve to heal. ​

    Love to all,

    ~Jan
     
    plum, karinabrown, Ellen and 3 others like this.
  17. Ewok2

    Ewok2 Peer Supporter

    I don’t think that’s what’s meant by secondary gain. I mean - all TMS is secondary gain if you look it it like that because our brain is doing is a favour, so we benefit - gain. I just think it’s worth exploring if something might be holding you back.
     
    eskimoeskimo likes this.
  18. MindBodyPT

    MindBodyPT Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yeah the "secondary gain" referenced by Sarno (and known by us in the medical community) is really more the situation of someone fabricating symptoms to gain something...this actually does happen occasionally when there are lawsuits involved or other obvious financial gain but is far less common than some (non TMS) practitioners would think. I don't think unconsciously holding onto pain for protection or "gain" is what was meant at all.
     
    Ellen, eskimoeskimo and Ewok2 like this.
  19. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    Good point. I think I see this difference. I think Sarno was referring to a more outdated type of "secondary gain" theory, wherein the patient is faking or exaggerating pain in order to gain some concrete benefit, whereas we're talking about real pain as a distraction mechanism, distracting from things we are afraid to face.
     
    Lizzy and Ewok2 like this.
  20. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    Haha wow, MindBodyPT! I replied to Ewok2 before I noticed that you had already replied and ... look how similar our thoughts are on this!
     
    MindBodyPT likes this.

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