Best resources to convince myself?

N

Nightowl

Peer Supporter
I am dealing with vulvodynia and urinary frequency for two months, but even worse than my symptoms is the fact that this has kicked off my anxiety in a MAJOR way. I'm anxious and panicky all the time now, and I can't sleep because of it. I was diagnosed with pelvic floor tightness by a urogyn, but going to PT made me even MORE anxious somehow.

Right now, I struggle to sleep without meds. But the meds don't even work a lot of the time. I just lie in bed, obsessing over the burning pain. There's a lot going on in my life right now that is very stressful, so that doesn't help.

I have a long history of somatic complaints: neck pain, back pain, reflux, wrist pain, IBS. PT never helps me... I did it three times for various pain issues and never got any relief. Eventually, the problem always seems to just fade away, sometimes after months or years.

Anyway, I think there's evidence that this is TMS, but I'm not entirely convinced. I want to be convinced! I've started the program and I've also started seeing a new psychotherapist to dive into my problems.

After that long intro, I guess my question is: what resources would you recommend for me to help convince myself this is TMS?

I have read Sarno's Mindbody Prescription and Gordon's The Way Out. I have purchased Unlearn Your Pain, and I have Hope & Help for your Nerves queued up on Audible. I also purchased A Headache in the Pelvis, but I haven't read it because it seems to focus more on the physical (and on men), which goes against the tenets of TMS. My new psychotherapist actually told me to avoid anything PT-related because it will make me focus too much on the pain.

I want to read or watch enough that I feel convinced I have TMS, but I also don't want to overload myself. I feel like every book has its own 4-8 week program, and I can only really do one of them, right? But I'd love to hear what people recommend as reading/listening/watching material.

Thanks in advance!
 
Ok, I think Unlearn Your Pain might overwhelm you at this moment. It's a lot of lenghty exercises, and the book structure is somewhat confusing at times (especially on Kindle).
To be honest, from what you described I'd give these programs a break and stick with Claire Weeks for now.

Now about your doubts, the thing about it is that anxious doubt always finds a way of coming back, especially in a TMS state. I find it not much empathetic when people talk about eliminating all your TMS doubts. They are TMS mechanisms and won't care that much about your rationalizations. What you can do though is when you're calm and logic, you take note of all the proofs you have TMS, and have these notes close by (maybe you take a pic with your phone). When the symptoms bring doubt back usually we forgot a lot of what we learned, but now you have your notes to remind you all the bs TMS wants you to think right now.

You asked for resources, I really like Helmut and the honesty he talks about how we really feel. Sometimes I think therapists in the TMS word kind of forgot what is being like with the false alarm screaming in your head.
Anyway, he's doing a great series with Sam Miller and in this episode, at 21:30, she talks about insomnia. Hope it helps giving you more confidence in your path.

 
feduccini said:
Ok, I think Unlearn Your Pain might overwhelm you at this moment. It's a lot of lenghty exercises, and the book structure is somewhat confusing at times (especially on Kindle).
To be honest, from what you described I'd give these programs a break and stick with Claire Weeks for now.

Now about your doubts, the thing about it is that anxious doubt always finds a way of coming back, especially in a TMS state. I find it not much empathetic when people talk about eliminating all your TMS doubts. They are TMS mechanisms and won't care that much about your rationalizations. What you can do though is when you're calm and logic, you take note of all the proofs you have TMS, and have these notes close by (maybe you take a pic with your phone). When the symptoms bring doubt back usually we forgot a lot of what we learned, but now you have your notes to remind you all the bs TMS wants you to think right now.

You asked for resources, I really like Helmut and the honesty he talks about how we really feel. Sometimes I think therapists in the TMS word kind of forgot what is being like with the false alarm screaming in your head.
Anyway, he's doing a great series with Sam Miller and in this episode, at 21:30, she talks about insomnia. Hope it helps giving you more confidence in your path.

Click to expand...

Thank you!

I'm glad you said that about Unlearn Your Pain because it did feel a bit overwhelming. I listened to the other two books on audio, but this book didn't have an audio version, so I had no choice but to sit down and read it, which I was worried would be too intense.

I might feel more convinced if I had back pain right now, but the fact that it's vulvodynia and urinary frequency makes me feel like I'm different from other people here, although I do see posts about vulvodynia when I search for it. So that is a current sticking point for me.
 
Nightowl said:
After that long intro, I guess my question is: what resources would you recommend for me to help convince myself this is TMS?
Click to expand...

Honestly, time is the biggest thing. Keeping an evidence sheet has also been very helpful for many people. I also recommend Dan Buglio on YouTube. His videos never felt overwhelming to me. I didn’t touch Unlearn Your Pain until after a year when I was 95-97% recovered because it is pretty heavy.
 
HealingMe said:
Honestly, time is the biggest thing. Keeping an evidence sheet has also been very helpful for many people. I also recommend Dan Buglio on YouTube. His videos never felt overwhelming to me. I didn’t touch Unlearn Your Pain until after a year when I was 95-97% recovered because it is pretty heavy.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I did watch some of Dan's video last week and they were pretty good. I watched some of the interviews he had with success stories about pelvic pain. Unfortunately, those videos didn't get as much into HOW they conquered their symptoms using mind body work. It feels like a lot of people are just like, "Oh! This is all in my mind!" and then they're cured. That's not me.

Are there any particular videos from Dan that you think are worth watching?
 
The best way I convinced myself I have TMs is by spending time on this forum—just reading posts and success stories. You learn so much!
 
I would start with Nichole Sachs' book Mind over Body. Her style is more "modern" - easier to digest for overwhelmed individuals and she kind of "dumb down" the approach and shows "how to" which is easier to follow. I guess her partner is a very savvy social medica/marketing lady helps deliver the content in a more popular way. Also from her book and her website, she mentioned her exclusive membership facebook community has over 25000 members. If everybody pays the $9.99 monthly fee, you could imagine what a successful business model it is.

I read three of Dr. Sarno's books (not the first one since I don't have back pain), a few Dr. Mate's books, Nichol's first book, halfway through Steve O's book (will finish it later), started Claire Weeks's book but not finished yet, and a few more on my list (Dan's new book, a book about eye problems, old style mindbody books etc.). All are great books and if you have time and space to slowly digest and think it over, they would all help greatly. Maybe an odd comparison since I work with equipment quite a bit: All these books are like great functional equipment and could achieve great results if you know how to use it properly. Yet when you try to use that, some manuals focus a lot on theories and the operation steps are somewhat convoluted and you get confused. Some are clearly listed step-by-step, and you could follow that like a robot and maybe get results faster. You want to get some results first to convince yourself that the equipment actually works, once that is done, then you can dive back in to understanding the theories better and may try different equipment as well.

I am sure anybody could figure this out for free given the time and space. However, the time and space is hard to come by these days. When one is overwhelmed, half-believes TMS but not quite (modern human ADHD trait: one wants to try everything and hopes one works, or if one way doesn't work, the feelings of having backup methods make the brain feel safe), and wrapped up in what to do/what not to do, finding a simple and easy-to-follow method and sticking to it for a month or more is critical. A lot of times the self-imposed timeline and the pressure to get better and get rid off all symptoms make the mind go crazy and feed into the vicious cycle (which methods to use, is it really TMS, etc.etc.).
 
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How to do the work:
There is no set here are the lessons and this will 100% work for you. Meaning that Sarno’s main framework works for everyone: think psychologically, the 3 column method for self-inquiry and emotional connection (or seeming lack of it .. especially rage) and getting back not normal life. But everyone has different triggers, nervous system involvement, anxiety, depression and a host of other symptoms, so that it takes some experimentation and creativity to find what works for you. This experimentation alone gives a person so much power! When you first thought someone had to give you a lesson plan to follow and you’d magically get well, it was all in that “someone” elses hands, wasn’t it? It’s ok to use a basic framework as a way to explore what might work for you, adding and or subtracting “methods” as you go along -this seems to be what works for many people here on this forum. The most important thing is to choose a method, and begin. The Structured Educational Program here is free, and we’re here to help support you.
My favorite YouTube TMS person is Tanner Murtaugh because he is compassionate but has some great videos breaking down the work. He fosters creativity and offers some basic brain retraining and nervous system work and he makes it easy but adds in a lot about mindset and attitude.
As Dani Fagan ( a movement coach for TMS) recently said, doing a program is devotion vs discipline. It’s much less about following a program perfectly than it is doing it with your heart in a sloppy, imperfect way that makes you vulnerable so you can be open to change.
 
louaci said:
I would start with Nichole Sachs' book Mind over Body. Her style is more "modern" - easier to digest for overwhelmed individuals and she kind of "dumb down" the approach and shows "how to" which is easier to follow. I guess her partner is a very savvy social medica/marketing lady helps deliver the content in a more popular way. Also from her book and her website, she mentioned her exclusive membership facebook community has over 25000 members. If everybody pays the $9.99 monthly fee, you could imagine what a successful business model it is.

I read three of Dr. Sarno's books (not the first one since I don't have back pain), a few Dr. Mate's books, Nichol's first book, halfway through Steve O's book (will finish it later), started Claire Weeks's book but not finished yet, and a few more on my list (Dan's new book, a book about eye problems, old style mindbody books etc.). All are great books and if you have time and space to slowly digest and think it over, they would all help greatly. Maybe an odd comparison since I work with equipment quite a bit: All these books are like great functional equipment and could achieve great results if you know how to use it properly. Yet when you try to use that, some manuals focus a lot on theories and the operation steps are somewhat convoluted and you get confused. Some are clearly listed step-by-step, and you could follow that like a robot and maybe get results faster. You want to get some results first to convince yourself that the equipment actually works, once that is done, then you can dive back in to understanding the theories better and may try different equipment as well.

I am sure anybody could figure this out for free given the time and space. However, the time and space is hard to come by these days. When one is overwhelmed, half-believes TMS but not quite (modern human ADHD trait: one wants to try everything and hopes one works, or if one way doesn't work, the feelings of having backup methods make the brain feel safe), and wrapped up in what to do/what not to do, finding a simple and easy-to-follow method and sticking to it for a month or more is critical. A lot of times the self-imposed timeline and the pressure to get better and get rid off all symptoms make the mind go crazy and feed into the vicious cycle (which methods to use, is it really TMS, etc.etc.).
Click to expand...

Thanks, I'll look into the Sachs book! It comforts me to have books to read on the subject, and it feels like the more I read, the more likely I will to be convinced. It is also comforting that so many people feel similar to me in terms of not believing they have TMS. I do know that when I'm anxious, my discomfort is MUCH worse.

I was telling my husband this, and he said I so clearly have TMS. He noted that I'm always anxious and always complaining things hurt when my anxiety is bad.
 
Cactusflower said:
How to do the work:
There is no set here are the lessons and this will 100% work for you. Meaning that Sarno’s main framework works for everyone: think psychologically, the 3 column method for self-inquiry and emotional connection (or seeming lack of it .. especially rage) and getting back not normal life. But everyone has different triggers, nervous system involvement, anxiety, depression and a host of other symptoms, so that it takes some experimentation and creativity to find what works for you. This experimentation alone gives a person so much power! When you first thought someone had to give you a lesson plan to follow and you’d magically get well, it was all in that “someone” elses hands, wasn’t it? It’s ok to use a basic framework as a way to explore what might work for you, adding and or subtracting “methods” as you go along -this seems to be what works for many people here on this forum. The most important thing is to choose a method, and begin. The Structured Educational Program here is free, and we’re here to help support you.
My favorite YouTube TMS person is Tanner Murtaugh because he is compassionate but has some great videos breaking down the work. He fosters creativity and offers some basic brain retraining and nervous system work and he makes it easy but adds in a lot about mindset and attitude.
As Dani Fagan ( a movement coach for TMS) recently said, doing a program is devotion vs discipline. It’s much less about following a program perfectly than it is doing it with your heart in a sloppy, imperfect way that makes you vulnerable so you can be open to change.
Click to expand...

Thanks! I had watched a few of Tanner's videos and liked them. There are just a lot of videos out there, and I'm not sure which ones are best to watch because I can't watch them all.
 
Nightowl said:
Thanks! I had watched a few of Tanner's videos and liked them. There are just a lot of videos out there, and I'm not sure which ones are best to watch because I can't watch them all.
Click to expand...
You don’t have to figure out what’s “best.” Just read stuff and watch stuff. Whatever resonates with you, follow that. Watch more. Just chug along. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s a journey that evolves. It will be your very own journey. And you will get better when you get better. Who knows when that is. But if you don’t quit, it will happen one day.
 
Diana-M said:
You don’t have to figure out what’s “best.” Just read stuff and watch stuff. Whatever resonates with you, follow that. Watch more. Just chug along. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s a journey that evolves. It will be your very own journey. And you will get better when you get better. Who knows when that is. But if you don’t quit, it will happen one day.
Click to expand...

That makes sense. I wish I could be chill about this! If not for the sleep issues, I could probably shrug it off better.
 
Diana-M said:
I hear you! It’s hard! But every minute wishing it would go away FAST actually makes it stay longer. Isn’t that sad?!
Click to expand...

I know you're right. The moment I just accept that it will be with me for a while will likely be the beginning of my healing. I just don't know how to make that jump! I just went shopping with my daughter, trying not to think about it or let it rule my life.
 
Nightowl said:
Thank you. I did watch some of Dan's video last week and they were pretty good. I watched some of the interviews he had with success stories about pelvic pain. Unfortunately, those videos didn't get as much into HOW they conquered their symptoms using mind body work. It feels like a lot of people are just like, "Oh! This is all in my mind!" and then they're cured. That's not me.

Are there any particular videos from Dan that you think are worth watching?
Click to expand...


Try not to be so focused on a "specific" symptom. You won't find someone to who has or had the same set of symptoms and you also won't have the same exact recovery tools as the next person. Read success stories. Watch videos. As @Diana-M mentioned, follow what speaks to you or what naturally pulls you.One of my main symptoms was pelvic pain but I stopped focusing on this specific symptom in order to recover.
 
Nightowl said:
I might feel more convinced if I had back pain right now, but the fact that it's vulvodynia and urinary frequency makes me feel like I'm different from other people here,
Click to expand...
@Nightowl, that is nothing more than a bunch of hogwash created by your TMS brain for the sole purpose of distracting you and keeping you in doubt. As a first step towards your recovery, I challenge you to never mention this doubt again. It's not just an unnecessary load of bollocks, it's obviously holding you back and you are letting it do so. Don't worry - it's a frequent beginner mistake.

Nightowl said:
I was telling my husband this, and he said I so clearly have TMS. He noted that I'm always anxious and always complaining things hurt when my anxiety is bad.
Click to expand...
Insightful husband! And how lucky are you to have a partner who is on board!

Hmm, I'm thinking of another challenge that maybe he could help with. Your posts are showing signs of YBS - "Yes, But..." Syndrome. Some people are very obvious when they frequently respond "Yes, but..." or "Thanks, but..." or "I agree, but..." and so on. Your version is very subtle, rarely using the actual "B" word, and you often direct it at yourself as much as in response. I picked up on the proliferation pretty easily:
"If not for... "
"I might - - if..."
"I wish I could..."

These are all self-limiting statements which provide you with excuses why you can't change your experience. They also hint at a tendency to give in to victimhood, which is anathema to recovery.

So that's the harder challenge - can you learn to recognize this behavior and put a stop to it? That will kick-start your recovery!
 
JanAtheCPA said:
@Nightowl, that is nothing more than a bunch of hogwash created by your TMS brain for the sole purpose of distracting you and keeping you in doubt. As a first step towards your recovery, I challenge you to never mention this doubt again. It's not just an unnecessary load of bollocks, it's obviously holding you back and you are letting it do so. Don't worry - it's a frequent beginner mistake.


Insightful husband! And how lucky are you to have a partner who is on board!

Hmm, I'm thinking of another challenge that maybe he could help with. Your posts are showing signs of YBS - "Yes, But..." Syndrome. Some people are very obvious when they frequently respond "Yes, but..." or "Thanks, but..." or "I agree, but..." and so on. Your version is very subtle, rarely using the actual "B" word, and you often direct it at yourself as much as in response. I picked up on the proliferation pretty easily:
"If not for... "
"I might - - if..."
"I wish I could..."

These are all self-limiting statements which provide you with excuses why you can't change your experience. They also hint at a tendency to give in to victimhood, which is anathema to recovery.

So that's the harder challenge - can you learn to recognize this behavior and put a stop to it? That will kick-start your recovery!
Click to expand...

I really appreciate how you nailed down and called me out on my bad behavior, @JanAtheCPA ! That is *exactly* what I need, so thank you for that. You're 100% right that this is something I do, and I have to break the habit.

Today had definitely been a day of introspection about TMS. I am about 50% more convinced now than I was at the start of the day. I fit the profile so well. The pain feels very real, but if it were real, it wouldn't have gone away completely when I spent a weekend teaching myself a TikTok dance a few weeks ago. (To be seen by nobody, I just wanted to see if I could learn it!).

I'm so grateful for this forum and all the people who replied to my post. The support means so much.
 
Nightowl said:
The pain feels very real, but if it were real, it wouldn't have gone away completely when I spent a weekend teaching myself a TikTok dance a few weeks ago.
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Night owl!
This realization is the kind of thing we put on what’s called an “evidence sheet.” We use this to remind ourselves that we have proof we have TMS. Keep your eyes open for any other idiosyncrasies that will reveal your TMS to you over time, and add them to the list.

You also discovered something else important. Play is one of the ways to get rid of TMS. :)
 
Nightowl said:
bad behavior
Click to expand...
Not "bad", @Nightowl! It's just a behavior, one of the collection of many different behaviors which make you unique, and which you can choose to adjust or let go when you see something is not going to serve you anymore. You can do this with kindness and patience for yourself (quoting Nicole Sachs). It's a process and a journey, one with side trips and rest stops and sometimes setbacks. But it will proceed as long as you visualize and have faith in the rewards ahead.
 
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