First of all, I share your passion for the Redsox. Big time fans here in my house. Love the city of Boston. As to your TMS issues I thought I would share some details of my own journey. I dealt with debilitating back pain and eye pain for about 5 years. Found out about TMS last April. I dove in head first and expected to get better instantly. Well I didn't. I continued to fight it, put pressure on myself and worry about the future (when would the pain be back, how severe, why me, what will my life be like). I finally made an appointment with a TMS Doctor in California and he gave me a thorough examination. He was the only Doctor I had seen who asked me about my life, what issues I was going through and how I reacted to things. After and only after he had reviewed everything carefully he told me that I didn't have any disease, I wasn't destined for a life of pain and that I had TMS. I started thinking about what TMS meant and realized that the most important word in the acronym is TENSION. I had learned to be in a state of tension and my body was finally telling me that I couldn't keep doing this to myself. My natural state of being was tense, anxious, uptight, worried about past and future. I had to stop being so hard on myself, so critical of my errors and stop placing the bar higher and higher. I love that you said 'no more beating myself up'. That is one of the biggest issues. Other things that helped me: find things to do that I enjoy (this took my mind off of the pain and bingo- I didn't have any pain until I thought about it again), find ways to relax, smile more- even if it was a fake smile. Have you ever tried to fake smile for 30 seconds? Eventually you start laughing at yourself and it turns into a real smile. Meditate- this was very foreign to me but I kept at it for several weeks. It really works. Use essential oils for stress and relaxation (my wife turned me onto this). I was very skeptical but I really noticed a change. I have been using DoTerra oils for a while now. I was able to eliminate my acid reflux disease that I took medication for daily for the past 20 years. And yes, it is another TMS equivalent. I still get eye pain occasionally but that tells me that I need to re-focus on the present moment. It reminds me that I'm getting to far ahead of my higher self. I slow down, take some deep breaths, perhaps apply some 'past tense' oils on my neck and the pain goes away.
Bottom line Marco, you can and will absolutely get better. The fits and starts of pain are a sign that it is losing its power. Stay present, do the things that make you feel happy, smile, and take what comes. Best of luck to you and Go Sox!