What you are ignoring could kill you

[louaci]

That's co-dependancy. My husband and I do that. You simply begin to give over too much to the other person and end up feeling (or thinking you feel) their emotions and perhaps thoughts. I have worked hard on this. If my husband feels angry or annoyed, so be it. I don't provide any kind of solutions unless he specifically asks, I just let him wallow - it's his right to simply feel his feelings, isn't it. I don't have to own them, or solve them or anything at all. If it irks me that he's in a fowl mood - well that's my own right to feel fowl. It is really hard for my husband to deal with this. When he wants to control my mood he will stumble around with solutions and solving the situation so I just remind him there is nothing to solve and remove myself gently and kindly from the area fairly quickly.

Thank you. Regarding codependency, shall people be conscious about expressing their negative feelings to the co-dependent partner, such as rage, sorrow, fear, etc. ? Each time the explosion of negative feelings really pin the relationship down. I wonder what types of therapists would be needed... I also don't understand that for people overcoming TMS pain, do they really let the rage explode each time they feel it so they don't suppress or repress it, and the explosion would deeply upset others around? Like how could anybody stay calm while the partner explodes in rage on some seemingly unsignificant triggers (child being annoying, no good table manner etc.)? I am at the wit's end...

 

[Jettie1989]

@This is a feeling process, not a thinking process.” We have to feel the grief. Stop avoiding the grief. I’m using thinking to avoid the grief. I can see it. I am stuck. This will help.

It’s just really hard to “break up” with a sister. And have the family (my grown kids) question why you’re doing it. There’s a little part of me that just wishes this would all stop. She would stop hurting me enough that I could keep her. She’s the last person I have left in my nuclear family. So I’m also grieving all of it: my family. How bad it was. The lies I believed. The amount of pain is horrendous. I’ve been through so much pain already. I guess my TMS brain doesn’t want to do any more of it. But I’m in it now. I can barely walk. I’m in pain every day. I’m drinking the poison one way or another At least, if I grieve, there will be an end to it. I can move on and heal.

this sounds like such a difficult journey for you. I hope you are ok, I am rooting for you!
Please accept my virtual hug

 

[Diana-M]

@Jettie1989
Thank you so much for the kind words and the virtual hug! I am happy to report on this experience with my sister that the painful part was coming out of denial and wrestling with the decision of what to do, which took a while. But over the past few weeks I did actually cut things off and was very surprised to experience immediate tremendous RELIEF. This really validated my feelings about my decision. My goal is to try and find as many sources like this of hidden pain as I can and shut them down to see if it puts a dent on my stress level and ultimately my TMS.

 

[Diana-M]

do they really let the rage explode each time they feel it so they don't suppress or repress it, and the explosion would deeply upset others around?

@louaci
I think that’s where journaling and expressing your darkest feelings come in. Then tearing it all up. Get it out on paper. Then what you do end up sharing with your partner will be sane, calm and rational— if it even needs to be shared at all. And sometimes it is.

 

[louaci]

@louaci
I think that’s where journaling and expressing your darkest feelings come in. Then tearing it all up. Get it out on paper. Then what you do end up sharing with your partner will be sane, calm and rational— if it even needs to be shared at all. And sometimes it is.

Thank you. I will let my partner know about that. He hates the outburst of rage himself too and searches for an answer too.