I hear you. What are your symptoms, and do they vary at all?
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What else is there - Seriously
- Thread starter eskimoeskimo
- Start date
I hear you. What are your symptoms, and do they vary at all?
If I live a full, boring lif, my symptoms ain't too bad, but the second I try and do anything positive my symptoms come on strong, it feels like stress and my body can't handle it
What do you mean by anything "positive"?
Hobbies, jobs, education, moving house, promotion at work etc, all give me huge symptoms and I cant function, anything stressful really
Cactusflower
Beloved Grand Eagle
Positive things might trigger you (do you have trouble leaning into positive emotions in general? I mean, do these things make you happy, content etc) I think that can be as common as avoiding hard feelings.
It may also be that you have hard thoughts around the things you mention. Maybe they are positive for other people but not for you. Most of those things involve change. I tend to do very well with some change, and need it but my husband can find change really difficult and avoid it.
I honestly don't know, if I find these things stressful, shouldn't the stress last through me and release though?
Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
Nope. A hypersensitive nervous system has to be healed. The stress doesn’t just go away by itself.
Adam Coloretti (coach)
Well known member
You can reduce the stress where possible, but the problem like Diana said is that your nervous system is hypersensitive - so it's not the stress itself that's the issue but rather your nervous system's capacity. That should be encouraging because it means that you don't need to avoid life, rather you need to train your nervous system to be able to handle life and that stress (so that in the future, you don't respond to these changes and challenges, such as working 2 jobs, with symptoms).
That's why emotional work is valuable because it can help you understand why your nervous system got sensitised in the first place. It didn't happen for no reason.
Why are you hanging around on a forum that is to discuss this kind of pain/symptom relief methodology if you think it is arrogance?
If you hate this then perhaps you will find peace of mind elsewhere. That might be better than getting upset and calling me names.
You started off by insulting me, I've had illnesses for 25 years so obviously I'm going to look for help
What was it that you found insulting?
Perhaps that will be a clue to what's going on for you on a deeper level TMS-wise.
I
I've been connecting to my emotions for 25 years, if you think I'm not ready to get better or not putting the work in, you couldn't be any more wrong.
I find feeling emotions exhausting, I was led to believe it would be the opposite
It's my only hope of getting better so I'll never give up but feeling emotions and connecting to them has destroyed me at times
I'm not sure if it was you or someone else who implied I'd have to hit rock bottom again before I'll put the effort but I've been homeless a few times, there's not a chance I would take the easy option rather than get better
I've been connecting to my emotions for 25 years, if you think I'm not ready to get better or not putting the work in, you couldn't be any more wrong.
I find feeling emotions exhausting, I was led to believe it would be the opposite
It's my only hope of getting better so I'll never give up but feeling emotions and connecting to them has destroyed me at times
I'm not sure if it was you or someone else who implied I'd have to hit rock bottom again before I'll put the effort but I've been homeless a few times, there's not a chance I would take the easy option rather than get better
I definitely never suggested anyone have to hit rock bottom. In fact I think it's the reverse. No need to hit rock bottom. (Same for those with drinking disorders, you can stop drinking without hitting rock bottom.)
I'm also not sure who told you that feeling emotions would not be exhausting. When I am going through the process, I get a feeling of the deepest tiredness that I've ever felt as if I have to shut off and sleep. When that happens I realize that I must be getting close to something that my TMS mind really doesn't want me to reach and so it's shutting me down. Like a computer that hangs and shuts itself off. So now when I get that overwhelming sense of needing to shut down I force myself to keep going. It always leads to real revelations and by the end I am able to release and move into a better head space and that deep exhaustion clears.
I believe that if you feel exhausted and if it's destroying you, you are getting close. You aren't there yet because you have HUGE protection mechanism putting all these obstacles of exhaustion and thoughts that are stopping you when you are inches away. Imagine like a huge tunnel and you are so close to the light at the end but you can't see it yet. It might feel like you are never going to get out because you don't know how close you are to the end. It could be right there around the bend and yet you feel like it's miles away.
I realize you have been upset with me and others however if you want to keep going with this method, I suggest that when you feel the exhaustion and feel the thoughts telling you this is bullshit that you use that to say to yourself.....aha, I am getting close and I'm going to keep going til I get there.
I think you've got something down there that you are protecting yourself from. The funny thing about all of this is that sometimes that "thing" that is down there is something that as a grown, intelligent adult turns out to seem so minor as to be laughable. But our insides have stored it with the fear and anger of the child we once were.
All that said, I'm not a doctor or a therapist so your mileage may vary.
Oh, hi, Warren. I missed these posts.
YES! Let me get that old Rational Recovery PowerPoint for you. Husband saved it and rewatches it from time to time.
As a reminder, it's about stopping drug or alcohol abuse not TMS but I've found that the same principles apply learning about that part of the brain that seduces us into doing or feeling a certain way, and how we have the power over it.
And if you do know of anyone looking to stop drinking who isn't interested in the victim/religious/disease/10-step of AA pass it along.
A passed it along to a colleague of mine for someone in her family and they had the same experience of learning and stopping without any difficulty.
Out of curiosity, did you feel better after the business calls were over?
Even though I love my work and I enjoy my business calls I often feel like dog shit in the morning beforehand.
Rabscuttle
Beloved Grand Eagle
That was me Lee. I wasn’t referring to a physical or material rock bottom. I was referring to your relation with your cfs and your approach to the recovery process. As Booble mentioned it isn’t necessary for us to hit rock bottoms but for many dealing with this it is unfortunately what happens. Many people go through rock bottoms, it’s not just related to addiction. For many their rock bottoms come on their death beds as they reflect on mistakes and regrets. That’s why people find god and spirituality at the end. A rock bottom isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s a launching point for a new approach, a new view. It can be a blessing. That doesn’t have to be you. That’s just the perspective I get from reading your posts here. You come here practically looking for fights and spiting the process. And if how you act here is any indication of how you live and treat yourself, then I’m not really surprised you’re dealing with decades of symptoms. Something is off internally. This isn’t just occurring in a vacuum.
Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
This is so true! I recently discovered I’m actually afraid of my anger. But as a child is afraid of anger. A child is afraid it will overwhelm them, and it may. Children aren’t capable of processing a lot of things without help. But adults usually can. I’m teaching my primitive brain that anger is ok to have. It won’t kill me. As I’m letting some of this steam out of my overloaded system, my nervous system is relaxing.
That's a fantastic revelation, Diana.
And when we are children the people around us reinforce that anger is BAD.
My "laughable as an adult" situation is about having left my doll out in the rain. How ridiculous is that to have impacted my life in the way that is has?
It took me a while to find this source of emotional disregulation.
Here's how it went down.
My doll was my baby. I used to call her "Talkie" even though I had broken the string that had previously allowed her to say, "I want another glass of water" and "Mama, I love you." I had ripped out all of her hair at some point and she was bald. I loved her. And one morning she was gone. I had left Talkie out in the backyard in the rain. My Dad saw the waterlogged ruined doll and THREW HER OUT. (Duh, Dad's were clueless back in the 1960s.) I'm quite sure my mother must have said something like, "You shouldn't have left her out in the rain. You have to take better care of your things." I was inconsolable. To the point that they brought me to the toy store to pick out another version of her. She was a popular doll of the era with a pink onesie with white polkadots. My parents were not the type to pander to me in that way but I was that devastated. But I couldn't do it. You can't just replace your baby with a new one and pretend it's the same. Anyway, I'm 90% certain that I have a "you killed your baby by not taking good enough care of her" problem. Such that now I have this overprotective, hyper aware, hypochondriacal stressed out anxiety about taking good enough care of myself (and my husband).
Such a silly thing. It was just a doll. I was just a little kid. And yet here I am.
My dolls were very real to me and they were “my babies,” like you say. I bet that was really hard.
Cactusflower
Beloved Grand Eagle
So you aren't sure how you feel emotionally about those things? That's a good sign that the emotional work is really difficult for you to lean into, which you have mentioned on the forums. Even though you feel you've done emotional work, it seems like it's a really challenge for you to have awareness and connect with a broad range of emotions. As @Diana-M mentions, that's a sign you are probably still in flight/flight - that your mind is still trying to protect you from feeling a wide variety of emotions.
It takes work
Oh, I totally relate. I have a "you don't take good enough care of anything AND you are totally irresponsible" problem. And, yes. I focus on taking good care of myself and my DH and all our belongings, and I did the same for my pets. I also used to do the same for the other people in my life but luckily I've let that go!