What else is there - Seriously

[Balsa11]

Eskimo,
I’ve been reading threads here on this forum to see what the trajectory of treatment is for stress illness. As fate would have it, my own son fell ill as a college freshman, and I had a devil of a time persuading him to understand his own nerves to the point that he could function. He has miles to go to normal, but if he has the will to see it through, he’ll win.

I actually just joined this forum today to speak directly to you. I don’t want to get into a 150 email reassurance race with Dr. Schubiner, so I’ll be brief. You have had all the medical imaging known to science, have tried drug treatments, talk therapy, and many other therapies, and still you are stuck, unable to work or function because you have a ruminating suspicion that you’re damaging your neck somehow. Or you substitute a thought that you have damaged your neck irreparably, so there isn’t any hope in living with a mild neck pain, as you describe it. Do I have that correct?

There are countless people here and otherwise scattered that struggle exactly as you do, but they hold their jobs, raise families, travel, and live a full life that they can be proud of. I hope this for you as well as anyone else who can read this. I know what I robbed myself and my family of while I was suffering from my own creation. Once I was sick of holding onto my own story and arguing with those who spelled it out for me clearly, everything changed. You must now choose to live and accept life’s unpredictability, suffering, grief, triumph, loss, all of it — or cower at your imagined doom (nothing at all, in fact) in your parents’ house. Yes, that’s a challenge. I hope you take it on and stop sniveling.

You are a bright person. You have learned to communicate well. But you haven’t learned yet to look back at your own illogic and stop it. Here is an example: Your neck hurts and you are afraid that if you do certain things it will damage it further, yet in 10 YEARS the imagined dragon hasn’t appeared, and you tell yourself it’s because of your seeking shelter away from work, social gatherings, etc. This behavior has, you imagine, saved you from your feared outcome, yet in reality it has ruined your entire reputation and relationships in the process. This is textbook anxiety behavior, and so long as you behave anxiously, you perpetuate anxiety symptoms and suffering. You are afraid of your own thoughts. Not your pain, but what you THINK it might mean or lead to. That’s it. Nothing more to understand.

That’s where my suggestion comes in. Recovery International is still in existence, and I believe you would benefit greatly from participation in a group meeting. There you will meet people whose sufferings will amaze you, as will their determination to achieve a full life despite them. You can download Abraham Low’s works online. I don’t know where you live, but most likely there is a local group or two active near you. Please visit and consider joining.

P.S. Please fight the urge to respond with, “But I’ve already done that.” You haven’t or you wouldn’t be here. You might not be cured, but you’d be a functioning adult. That’s the first step. The rest comes when your life is compelling enough to stop thinking about your body. I wish you the best.

I suspect the bigger issue might be the depression, but the same advice applies.

Found this cool quote on the previous tmshelpforum:
" It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment."

 

[Hillbilly]

@Hillbilly I know you aren’t sticking around too long, but I always hoped for the opportunity to properly thank you. Your postings proved to be an invaluable tool in my recovery, and I am forever in debt. I’ve also used them to help other people recover, so we all thank you, sincerely!

You are most welcome. I had no idea people were still reading my posts from years ago. I visited that old forum a few days ago also, but it felt a little like a ghost town. I was so full of piss and vinegar back then.

Anyway, I am so very glad to hear that I could in some small way help you get back to living life.

 

[tgirl]

You are most welcome. I had no idea people were still reading my posts from years ago. I visited that old forum a few days ago also, but it felt a little like a ghost town. I was so full of piss and vinegar back then.

Anyway, I am so very glad to hear that I could in some small way help you get back to living life.

Hillbilly, many people have been reading your old posts, me included, and they have helped with my mindset a great deal. I like your no nonsense approach. Thank you!

 

[Hillbilly]

I suspect the bigger issue might be the depression, but the same advice applies.

Found this cool quote on the previous tmshelpforum:
" It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment."

I think commiting oneself to being or becoming, a self-supportive, responsible adult is the highest goal any of us can attain. I’m still trying to get there.

 

[Mark1122]

Eskimo,
I’ve been reading threads here on this forum to see what the trajectory of treatment is for stress illness. As fate would have it, my own son fell ill as a college freshman, and I had a devil of a time persuading him to understand his own nerves to the point that he could function. He has miles to go to normal, but if he has the will to see it through, he’ll win.

I actually just joined this forum today to speak directly to you. I don’t want to get into a 150 email reassurance race with Dr. Schubiner, so I’ll be brief. You have had all the medical imaging known to science, have tried drug treatments, talk therapy, and many other therapies, and still you are stuck, unable to work or function because you have a ruminating suspicion that you’re damaging your neck somehow. Or you substitute a thought that you have damaged your neck irreparably, so there isn’t any hope in living with a mild neck pain, as you describe it. Do I have that correct?

There are countless people here and otherwise scattered that struggle exactly as you do, but they hold their jobs, raise families, travel, and live a full life that they can be proud of. I hope this for you as well as anyone else who can read this. I know what I robbed myself and my family of while I was suffering from my own creation. Once I was sick of holding onto my own story and arguing with those who spelled it out for me clearly, everything changed. You must now choose to live and accept life’s unpredictability, suffering, grief, triumph, loss, all of it — or cower at your imagined doom (nothing at all, in fact) in your parents’ house. Yes, that’s a challenge. I hope you take it on and stop sniveling.

You are a bright person. You have learned to communicate well. But you haven’t learned yet to look back at your own illogic and stop it. Here is an example: Your neck hurts and you are afraid that if you do certain things it will damage it further, yet in 10 YEARS the imagined dragon hasn’t appeared, and you tell yourself it’s because of your seeking shelter away from work, social gatherings, etc. This behavior has, you imagine, saved you from your feared outcome, yet in reality it has ruined your entire reputation and relationships in the process. This is textbook anxiety behavior, and so long as you behave anxiously, you perpetuate anxiety symptoms and suffering. You are afraid of your own thoughts. Not your pain, but what you THINK it might mean or lead to. That’s it. Nothing more to understand.

That’s where my suggestion comes in. Recovery International is still in existence, and I believe you would benefit greatly from participation in a group meeting. There you will meet people whose sufferings will amaze you, as will their determination to achieve a full life despite them. You can download Abraham Low’s works online. I don’t know where you live, but most likely there is a local group or two active near you. Please visit and consider joining.

P.S. Please fight the urge to respond with, “But I’ve already done that.” You haven’t or you wouldn’t be here. You might not be cured, but you’d be a functioning adult. That’s the first step. The rest comes when your life is compelling enough to stop thinking about your body. I wish you the best.

But what if you have tried this. I went back to a job, been here for almost 3 months now. It felt great having a purpose again, a job i love. I started playing guitar, something ive wanted to do a long time but didnt cause of my pains. I started jogging again. I started doing all this without fear and with pain. The pain got worse over time, i didnt care. I felt happy i am doing everything i want. I literally was so happy with all this in my life and i had so much hope this was after a period of sitting on the coach feeling empty and depressed, hopeless.

But then the pain reaches extreme levels, the exhaustion reaches extreme levels, my heart reacts and does crazy scary things. And then i just dont know how i can keep going. I cant jog anymore, im not even going to explain why im tired of describing why. The only thing i know is i start with full faith and it goes right for a while and i feel great even though in pain. But working behind the pc makes the pain a bit worse everyday till the point im in so much pain, brain fogged, heart shit that i cant keep going and i start to get scared again.

But first are the worsened symptoms, after comes the fear. Anyway i tried the living my life a couple of times and always reach a point where i just physically cant keep going, it really feels im killing myself by continuing

Anyway now im depressed again and thinking about leaving my job as i cant continue, also had to stop jogging and stop playing guitar. Took 4 days break from the pc and mobile etc and i feel 50% better already so now i can at least walk outside enjoying nature. Whenever i stop activity, for me pc, mobile and that kind of stuff i start to physically feel better till a certain point. But at least il be able to jog and walk outside again. The only thing is il have nothing in my life and feel like a failure because i cant work etc and have no purpose and in this mode i accept my pain as something i have to live with which feels horrible.

Now im thinking about going to my doctor to see if there are any tests left to look for something physical..Although i guess what i feel is well described by fibromyalgia with bad heart palpitations triggered by repetitive motions, and i've been reading about it last 2 days which made me feel even worse. And know i shouldn't but im desperate.

Anyway i tried like others living my life but i don't know how some one can get through this amount of pain and exhaustion, vertigo, heart shit you name it. Like eskimo ive tried many times and the only result is worsened symptoms...

Sadly ive reached the breaking point again as well..... from 21 to 29 some say the best years of some ones life, well its been hell for me, at least im getting used to it How does it even feel to feel healthy

 

[Hillbilly]

You stopped and paid attention to your stress symptoms, edified them into something more, then returned to safety. But between you and the life you love is the flaming fire of symptom fear. Get the checkup again if you need it, but it’s back to the guitar and jogging track if you aren’t terminal. There might need to be a career change or something else bugging you. Do whatever you need to do to move some things around without stressing yourself about it, and if you can’t fight this all at once, pace yourself a bit. There is no happiness in the couch, only perceived safety.

 

[Mark1122]

You stopped and paid attention to your stress symptoms, edified them into something more, then returned to safety. But between you and the life you love is the flaming fire of symptom fear. Get the checkup again if you need it, but it’s back to the guitar and jogging track if you aren’t terminal. There might need to be a career change or something else bugging you. Do whatever you need to do to move some things around without stressing yourself about it, and if you can’t fight this all at once, pace yourself a bit. There is no happiness in the couch, only perceived safety.

Thanks for the message

Could be.. but what can you do if you are tired all the time like exhausted cause of it and my heart acts up its difficult to get through. I think if my heart wouldnt react so hard i could do it, but this feels life threatening.

 

[miffybunny]

Thanks for the message

Could be.. but what can you do if you are tired all the time like exhausted cause of it and my heart acts up its difficult to get through. I think if my heart wouldnt react so hard i could do it, but this feels life threatening.

A racing heart is still TMS. I suggest you read "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes (she is also on YT). She explains the panic response and ways of regulating yourself (getting out of stress physiology and back to a normal state). You may also want to consider going on an antidepressant which could help with anxiety.

 

[plum]

I’d like to distill a couple of points made in my previous, long post which I suspect got lost in the emotion of the writing, (which was actually quite cathartic). Poignantly I write this post in the midst of life turning the screw again. Yesterday my mum had a bad fall and is currently in hospital.

So, those points:

1. Life is going to keep happening to us. This is why I referenced the Vikings approach to fate; to face all that happens with glory, courage and with every fibre of our being.

2. We’re human. We experience every flavour of emotion under the sun, sometimes tumultuously so. This is ok, this is as it should be. We’re not Spock.

3. Sometimes we need to take a breather before going again. This is what all animals do. A period of wound-licking and rest replenishes body, mind and spirit. aka. Self-care. A skill most of us have to learn.

I think commiting oneself to being or becoming, a self-supportive, responsible adult is the highest goal any of us can attain. I’m still trying to get there.

This is spot on. Self-reliance, self-actualisation, however you wish to enshrine it. I’m 49 so am slapbang in those middle years where we face the frailties and vulnerabilities of our older loved ones. I’ve seen grown up extended family members being unable and unwilling to face these realities and in so doing add to the burden everyone else carries. We all struggle, process and deal with these problems differently but we must deal with them. These pressures can be the making of us. Even if initially they seemingly break us. We can have immense self-compassion and with this, we can turn our lives around.

We’re all going to lose our loved ones. We’re all going to die. They’ll be moments of heaven, moments of hell, and a lot of middling in between. It’s all good, and surely we all desire to live it well.

I’m also still trying to get there.

 

[Mark1122]

A racing heart is still TMS. I suggest you read "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes (she is also on YT). She explains the panic response and ways of regulating yourself (getting out of stress physiology and back to a normal state). You may also want to consider going on an antidepressant which could help with anxiety.

Yeah i know a heart palpitations can be signs of anxiety, but can it really feel like a hard squeeze where i egt a bit dizzy. THis happened a few days ago after i woke up from a nap, i was completely calm, no anxiety i stand up from the toilet and my heart feels like its getting squeezed and i get light headed for like 10 secs. Kinda freaked me out haha..

Also i just played guitar again because hillbilly's comment convinced me to keep going. But after 15minutes my back trapezius muscle hurts so much and like my spine hurts or next to it its weird and my right arm is completely cramped where i cant play anymore and ofcourse the heart palps. Is that normal TMS?

I must admit my left side hurts a bit as well which could be weird and my robs hurt a lot. I mean isnt that strange, what else could it be or it normal to have trpaezius back pain and also ribs that hurt are they connected or something

I hope me being more messed up means im getting closer lol i have to admit i never tried for so persitently as last few months

 

[RogueWave]

Yeah i know a heart palpitations can be signs of anxiety, but can it really feel like a hard squeeze where i egt a bit dizzy. THis happened a few days ago after i woke up from a nap, i was completely calm, no anxiety i stand up from the toilet and my heart feels like its getting squeezed and i get light headed for like 10 secs. Kinda freaked me out haha..

Also i just played guitar again because hillbilly's comment convinced me to keep going. But after 15minutes my back trapezius muscle hurts so much and like my spine hurts or next to it its weird and my right arm is completely cramped where i cant play anymore and ofcourse the heart palps. Is that normal TMS?

I must admit my left side hurts a bit as well which could be weird and my robs hurt a lot. I mean isnt that strange, what else could it be or it normal to have trpaezius back pain and also ribs that hurt are they connected or something

I hope me being more messed up means im getting closer lol i have to admit i never tried for so persitently as last few months

To echo @Hillbilly’s previous posts, how many times have you had symptoms, especially palpitations, where they ended up really injuring you? Killing you?

Abraham Low liked to stay these things are ‘distressing but not dangerous.’ As long as you continue to believe your symptoms might be something dangerous, something other than TMS, you will continue to trap yourself.

Your symptoms returned because fear eventually won, and the cycle returned. This is why some of us call this an addiction of sorts. You just relapsed and got your ‘fix’ of stress hormones. Your pain, palpitations, etc are not the real problem, you just think they are because they are so uncomfortable.

You are keeping yourself stuck in a fear cycle, and that’s all there is to it. The constant asking, wondering, worrying, cowering, ‘why?’, will just keep you there.

So you played guitar for 15 minutes, that’s a good start. The pain came, but focus on the 15 min. Next time do 20. Work at this. You can’t just wait around to feel better before you starting thinking/acting differently.

Find your courage, or just create it for no reason at all. Let the symptoms come and go as they please. They won’t kill you. And in the rest of your life stop avoiding all things that are uncomfortable.

 

[Hillbilly]

Nothing I can add to what has been stated here so please, believe what is being said is true and believe us when we advise you that you are safe to resume all activities. No surprise that you got an uptick in symptoms. You're cured the minute you believe you are. Your symptoms can't do anything more to you than scare you and make you tired and stiff. You should be used to being tired and stiff by now, so don't let that stop you. It might be a while until you see a major difference in your symptoms, but once you've got it and begin acting as though you believe your symptoms are only stress and nothing to worry about, they begin to disappear.

Was there anything in your life that you recall being afraid of trying the first or second or tenth time? Diving in a pool? Using a power tool? Anything at all you approached tentatively at first? Then, after doing it successfully and creating a new neural pathway, you laughed about it? That's where we are. We are beckoning for you to listen and go for it. I hope you do. That goes for tomorrow and next week as well. Nothing will happen to you. You just have to wrap your head around what is happening and forget about how you feel for a while.

 

[Balsa11]

But what if you have tried this. I went back to a job, been here for almost 3 months now. It felt great having a purpose again, a job i love. I started playing guitar, something ive wanted to do a long time but didnt cause of my pains. I started jogging again. I started doing all this without fear and with pain. The pain got worse over time, i didnt care. I felt happy i am doing everything i want. I literally was so happy with all this in my life and i had so much hope this was after a period of sitting on the coach feeling empty and depressed, hopeless.

But then the pain reaches extreme levels, the exhaustion reaches extreme levels, my heart reacts and does crazy scary things. And then i just dont know how i can keep going. I cant jog anymore, im not even going to explain why im tired of describing why. The only thing i know is i start with full faith and it goes right for a while and i feel great even though in pain. But working behind the pc makes the pain a bit worse everyday till the point im in so much pain, brain fogged, heart shit that i cant keep going and i start to get scared again.

But first are the worsened symptoms, after comes the fear. Anyway i tried the living my life a couple of times and always reach a point where i just physically cant keep going, it really feels im killing myself by continuing

Anyway now im depressed again and thinking about leaving my job as i cant continue, also had to stop jogging and stop playing guitar. Took 4 days break from the pc and mobile etc and i feel 50% better already so now i can at least walk outside enjoying nature. Whenever i stop activity, for me pc, mobile and that kind of stuff i start to physically feel better till a certain point. But at least il be able to jog and walk outside again. The only thing is il have nothing in my life and feel like a failure because i cant work etc and have no purpose and in this mode i accept my pain as something i have to live with which feels horrible.

Now im thinking about going to my doctor to see if there are any tests left to look for something physical..Although i guess what i feel is well described by fibromyalgia with bad heart palpitations triggered by repetitive motions, and i've been reading about it last 2 days which made me feel even worse. And know i shouldn't but im desperate.

Anyway i tried like others living my life but i don't know how some one can get through this amount of pain and exhaustion, vertigo, heart shit you name it. Like eskimo ive tried many times and the only result is worsened symptoms...

Sadly ive reached the breaking point again as well..... from 21 to 29 some say the best years of some ones life, well its been hell for me, at least im getting used to it How does it even feel to feel healthy

The palps and dizziness are typical anxiety symptoms. It's ok to sit down, close your eyes, and catch your breath, but don't avoid things, especially things you love doing, out of fear of triggering a panic attack. Often times it's usually caused by anxious feelings earlier but sometimes it's random. Some things need more gradual practice than others.

You might want to try exercise that's more calming than stimulating. I find getting up and stretching more often helps with things that pop up while working. Taking short breaks is nice because of adaptability and consistency

 

[eskimoeskimo]

So ask yourself why you believe this and really all things. The truth is that nearly every person on the planet today and since the beginning believed all kinds of things that in reality were false. If that’s hard to hear and accept, why? Why would it be so hard to be wrong?

Nothing in this life has ever happened without someone visualizing that possibility and believing in it. Your life and your mind are not the exception. You are not less than or more than anybody else.

Thanks for writing.

I'm sure that there are all sorts of things I believe which aren't in the end true. But I think experience has something to do with inculcating belief, and it's my experience of trying TMS strategies - as well as so many other things in addition - for 10 years without any success which has engendered the belief that I can't get better. I don't think I can just choose to believe differently, and I spent a lot of years beating myself up trying to get to "100% belief" while it got farther and farther away. I have spent a lot of time trying to visualize the possibility.

 

[eskimoeskimo]

I don't know if how you're feeling is "normal," but I do know that nobody can ever truly understand another person's suffering, regardless of empathy, similar symptoms, etc.

I do know that I feel like shit 24/7, and yeah, it makes acceptance seem nearly impossible. You know those iconic photos of the self-immolating monks? I feel like that's the level of mental strength I'll need to improve my lot.

I also feel like this approach requires faith, and a neverending series of failures is not a solid foundation for faith (hope-disappointment-hope-disappointment-hope-disappointment × 1000... you know the drill).

I was brainstorming on how to break the cycle, and I think I'm going to take a period of time -- say, a month -- and just commit 100% to total acceptance. This isn't to set a time frame on "healing," but in my case, it gives me a feeling of safety to explore possible improvements to my mental health without worrying like I'll be causing myself damage if my body is legitimately injured. Can't develop T-Rex hands in a month from not coddling my hands, I hope.

Anyhoo, sorry if this is meandering. I'll probably take a small break from the forum to focus more on life/what next steps I will take. Good luck, man

And to you

 

[eskimoeskimo]

This I have great empathy with. Sixteen years after my husband first became ill and the contrast between our lives then and now, in every sphere, is as stark as it is heartbreaking. Sure, we’re still here and still standing, but the loss and the fallout is unbelievable and oftentimes unbearable. Sometimes I feel that my situation is a black hole and that I’m fighting the event horizon. Sometimes I think this belief is complete nonsense. Mostly I vacillate between the two.

I’ve been reading about Vikings lately. I derive some comfort from their belief in Fate. Of course, we cannot know and inhabit this consciousness in its full meaning and glory, but still, I find myself possessed of greater courage when I rest myself there awhile. Here’s a quote from a site I enjoy:

“For the pagan Norse and other Germanic peoples, fate was the main force that determined the course of events in the universe. Much of what happened – from the overarching trajectory of time down to many particular occurrences in the lives of particular people – didn’t happen because of random chance or the consciously chosen intentions of the person who performed a causal action, but instead because it was fated to happen. Almost all beings were subject to fate – even the gods themselves. For all the fearsome power they had, the power of fate was greater still.

The paradigmatic model for this attitude was the way the gods were to approach their own doom at Ragnarok. Rather than mope or curse their fate, they were said to stand and fight until the last.”

I’m not saying you or I or anyone is Fated. I’m simply sharing some emotional driftwood that grants me a reprieve when I feel hopeless, inured to the well-intentioned kindness of others, and so sad I fear my bones will break from the sobbing.

My husband had a terrible accident a few weeks ago. It was due to Parkinson’s. He’d lost motor control (a symptom called Festination) and was running faster than I have ever seen him move. As I chased after him he simply lurched to the ground, hitting the tarmac with his face. By the time I reached him he was unconscious and lying in a pool of blood. I heard an engine and had to leave him to run along the road to stop a van from hitting him.

The day was freezing cold. We were in the middle of nowhere (one of those quaint old villages with old graveyards but no mobile/cell signal). Our gentle walk, the first one ventured as we’d been shielding for months, had turned into a grotesque nightmare.

But people, complete strangers were so kind. They appeared from nowhere, helping us and holding us safe till the ambulance arrived. It was a long and traumatic day. I waited in a hospital car park while a surgeon performed plastic surgery on my handsome boys lips. I had one of his teeth delicately wrapped in a tissue in my purse. Beyond any comprehension, life had escalated in its cruelty.

I’m still living with those aftershocks. My husband is traumatised. His fear is that this will happen again. We have the support of my family (his are shit), a great team of medical professionals and a Red Cross wheelchair because he is terrified of walking in case Festination strikes again. And with good reason. He’s fallen badly once in the front room, and yesterday I caught him before he fell in the bathroom.

How does anyone live with this?
The hyper-vigilance?
The emotional bruising?
The upcoming dental procedures?
The endless, pointless tweaking of medications?
A wheelchair?

How the hell can anyone wrap their head around this?

I don’t pen any of this as a league table of who is suffering the most. I trust you know me better than that Tyler. But I share these things because I understand, because it is nigh on impossible to cope and to keep coping. To keep on fucking smiling and being polite when all you want is for it to stop. Just fucking stop.

And it will. One day.
But between now and then?
I fall down. Sometimes such as now, I need to stay down for a time. I can’t face it. My spirit isn’t willing. But I will get up again. And I’ll fight. This girl, who used to be such a gentle and soft soul, finds herself back in the arena. Not a gladiator. Not a Viking. Just a girl in a council flat drowning in tragedy and love and the surety that she’ll stay true to the bitter end.

No illusions. Not anymore.
Simply the sweetness of doing what love would do.

Simpatico Darling.

Thank you for writing this. I admire your courage

 

[TrustIt]

But what if you have tried this. I went back to a job, been here for almost 3 months now. It felt great having a purpose again, a job i love. I started playing guitar, something ive wanted to do a long time but didnt cause of my pains. I started jogging again. I started doing all this without fear and with pain. The pain got worse over time, i didnt care. I felt happy i am doing everything i want. I literally was so happy with all this in my life and i had so much hope this was after a period of sitting on the coach feeling empty and depressed, hopeless.

But then the pain reaches extreme levels, the exhaustion reaches extreme levels, my heart reacts and does crazy scary things. And then i just dont know how i can keep going. I cant jog anymore, im not even going to explain why im tired of describing why. The only thing i know is i start with full faith and it goes right for a while and i feel great even though in pain. But working behind the pc makes the pain a bit worse everyday till the point im in so much pain, brain fogged, heart shit that i cant keep going and i start to get scared again.

But first are the worsened symptoms, after comes the fear. Anyway i tried the living my life a couple of times and always reach a point where i just physically cant keep going, it really feels im killing myself by continuing

Anyway now im depressed again and thinking about leaving my job as i cant continue, also had to stop jogging and stop playing guitar. Took 4 days break from the pc and mobile etc and i feel 50% better already so now i can at least walk outside enjoying nature. Whenever i stop activity, for me pc, mobile and that kind of stuff i start to physically feel better till a certain point. But at least il be able to jog and walk outside again. The only thing is il have nothing in my life and feel like a failure because i cant work etc and have no purpose and in this mode i accept my pain as something i have to live with which feels horrible.

Now im thinking about going to my doctor to see if there are any tests left to look for something physical..Although i guess what i feel is well described by fibromyalgia with bad heart palpitations triggered by repetitive motions, and i've been reading about it last 2 days which made me feel even worse. And know i shouldn't but im desperate.

Anyway i tried like others living my life but i don't know how some one can get through this amount of pain and exhaustion, vertigo, heart shit you name it. Like eskimo ive tried many times and the only result is worsened symptoms...

Sadly ive reached the breaking point again as well..... from 21 to 29 some say the best years of some ones life, well its been hell for me, at least im getting used to it How does it even feel to feel healthy

Not to stop you from your commitment to TMS but what you said about feeling 50% better when you took a four-day break from technology, might point to some sensitivity to the EMF's. It has different effects on different people and can be quite debilitating to some. Don't know if you have looked into that, but it could be a component?

 

[Hillbilly]

Hillbilly, many people have been reading your old posts, me included, and they have helped with my mindset a great deal. I like your no nonsense approach. Thank you!

Very kind of you, tgirl. Life is short. Let's get better and live it. May I ask how you are doing?

 

[Hillbilly]

Yeah i know a heart palpitations can be signs of anxiety, but can it really feel like a hard squeeze where i egt a bit dizzy. THis happened a few days ago after i woke up from a nap, i was completely calm, no anxiety i stand up from the toilet and my heart feels like its getting squeezed and i get light headed for like 10 secs. Kinda freaked me out haha..

Also i just played guitar again because hillbilly's comment convinced me to keep going. But after 15minutes my back trapezius muscle hurts so much and like my spine hurts or next to it its weird and my right arm is completely cramped where i cant play anymore and ofcourse the heart palps. Is that normal TMS?

I must admit my left side hurts a bit as well which could be weird and my robs hurt a lot. I mean isnt that strange, what else could it be or it normal to have trpaezius back pain and also ribs that hurt are they connected or something

I hope me being more messed up means im getting closer lol i have to admit i never tried for so persitently as last few months

Dr. Low advocated attacking your symptoms (all of them are just stress symptoms magnified), one at a time to lesson their hold on your attention. Fatigue was the most common. He gives a brilliant talk about what was known in his time as "neurasthenia" being a made-up label that harms patients because it can lead them to believe they have something incurable. Today neurasthenia would be called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia. I'm sure you are familiar with the list of symptoms associated with those labels also. Perhaps even been given the diagnosis. It's nonsense. You can refute your fatigue symptom more easily than pain, so attack it first. Just stay on your feet for longer periods. Go for walks if jogging brings on strong palpitations or pain, just leisurely stroll anytime you feel like you are about to collapse. You'll see it is only a feeling and that you actually have full strength. If you haven't already read it, grab a copy of Dr. Low's Mental Health Through Will Training. It is literally full of practical advice on how to combat your symptoms in ways that refute that they mean doom to come if you don't obey your alarm.

 

[tgirl]

Very kind of you, tgirl. Life is short. Let's get better and live it. May I ask how you are doing?

Well Hillbilly, you might be sorry you asked. Lol. According to all my test results, including neurologists, MRI’s, etc I’m fine, but for some reason I still can’t shake my symptoms and sensations. It has kind of gotten to the embarrassing stage, as I feel they should have dissipated by now given all that I know about mind/body symptoms. My mindset is changing, in that I am trying to be more indifferent, and that is a good thing. Having weird symptoms has caused me a lot of distress, but thankfully I have found people that have had symptoms similar to mine that actually got better and that has helped me. Thank you for asking.
How are you doing?