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The chemistry of self-empathy

I really liked this video and related to what Kristin Neff says.
She talks about the damage we can do to our self-confidence when we
engage in self-criticism or let others put us down.

When I was a young teenager, my father used to put me down in front
of his male friends while they drank beer in our kitchen. I never understood
what I had done to make him talk to them about me as if I was already a loser
and wouldn't amount to anything. He was a bus driver but I never talked about
him as being anything but a success because he was a good man, worked hard,
and everyone loved him.

When I was 21 and was going to start college, after two year of factory work,
he just said, "Do your best." He didn't say "You're going to do great." I didn't think
he thought I would make it through my first semester.

He died before I finished my first year at college, a Chicago two-year city college
at Navy Pier. But I finished my two years there and went on to Michigan State
University and graduated with a degree in journalism. I worked on an army
paper for two years, then The Chicago Tribune for seven years as as reporter and
editor, and after that have been a freelance writer for more than 40 years with
more than that many books published.

I became a successful writer despite a father I loved but who did not motivate me
and instead made me doubt I would amount to anything.

We just can't let ourselves or others depress us or think less of ourselves.
That undermines our health, as this video explains, and keeps us from liking
ourselves which makes us healthier, both psychologically and physically.

The article begins with examples of mindfulness, living in the present moment,
giving ourselves compassion and not be self-critical.

Tell yourself you are a good person and can achieve anything you set your mind to.

Welcome to the Self-Confidence Club.
 
Walt - it's wonderful to see that you found self-confidence despite not gaining the approval of your father. You are an inspiration to all of us on this board!
(Hugs to Annie from Smeagle!)

This post on self-compassion is so important to healing ourselves from TMS. It's something that I really didn't know about or even think of doing until I watched the above video.
Now I've been doing self-compassion the last couple of days, and really enjoying the sense of safety and calm that it gives me. What Kristen says in the video is so true - it has the effect of giving you just the boost that you need!
Even after I journal and write the negative feelings and thoughts down, I finish the writing with self-compassion and what I want to say to myself to let me know that it's all going to be all right and that I deserve love and acceptance of myself.

And good news - my pain is starting to fade away some. I was able to walk one mile on Saturday, which was huge for me considering that I've been bedridden since January and only able to walk 1/4 mile until now. Yesterday I was able to go to park with my hubby for a picnic, and while I had pretty bad spasm going on for the first 40 minutes, it finally calmed down and I was actually able to walk freely to the car when we left, and even SIT (not lay down) in the car on the way home. Shocking! And so wonderful! I can't way to prove everyone wrong - you know, the friends, family and other naysayers who insist that you gotta have surgery and why aren't you going to the doctors and what is wrong with you? Those people!
 
tigerlilly said:
Walt - it's wonderful to see that you found self-confidence despite not gaining the approval of your father. You are an inspiration to all of us on this board!
(Hugs to Annie from Smeagle!)

This post on self-compassion is so important to healing ourselves from TMS. It's something that I really didn't know about or even think of doing until I watched the above video.
Now I've been doing self-compassion the last couple of days, and really enjoying the sense of safety and calm that it gives me. What Kristen says in the video is so true - it has the effect of giving you just the boost that you need!
Even after I journal and write the negative feelings and thoughts down, I finish the writing with self-compassion and what I want to say to myself to let me know that it's all going to be all right and that I deserve love and acceptance of myself.

And good news - my pain is starting to fade away some. I was able to walk one mile on Saturday, which was huge for me considering that I've been bedridden since January and only able to walk 1/4 mile until now. Yesterday I was able to go to park with my hubby for a picnic, and while I had pretty bad spasm going on for the first 40 minutes, it finally calmed down and I was actually able to walk freely to the car when we left, and even SIT (not lay down) in the car on the way home. Shocking! And so wonderful! I can't way to prove everyone wrong - you know, the friends, family and other naysayers who insist that you gotta have surgery and why aren't you going to the doctors and what is wrong with you? Those people!
Click to expand...
Way to go, Tigerlily! I'm thrilled for your success. It's just what I needed to hear today.
Tomorrow I attend an annual conference that I really look forward to. The last two years I attended it, I was barely able to walk. This year, I hope to practically DANCE from one seminar to the next!!
 
Thanks Gigi -
Hoping your conference goes well and that you are able to enjoy yourself freely without any thought of pain or discomfort!
 
Tiger;ily, I am really tickled that you are doing so well with walking and went on that picnic in the park.
We need things to lift our spirits and you're doing them.

And Gigi, hope you enjoy the conference and can focus on that rather than even think about pain.
 
Thanks, Andy B, for posting this. I used the information today and hope to make self-compassion a new habit. When I returned home from the grocery store today, I realized I left an item in the shopping cart when I loaded up my car. I typically would say to myself "what an idiot", but instead today I said "well you have a lot on your mind right now. You must need to take a break. " Small change, but I think powerful.
 
This is so powerful, thank you for posting Andy B. Walt you continue to inspire me day by day. And Tigerlilly - wonderful news! Delighted for you:-)
 
  • Great Post. I'm currently reading the book Self Compassion by Kristen Neff and hadn't seen this video. She also has a website self-compassion.org with some free guided meditations and other material.
I've really been using this recently, having compassion and patience for myself with the TMS. When I go to play my gigs I'm making the goal being kind to myself, compassionate, not being pain free, and of course when I do that there's less pain!
In some ways that's been working better for me than symptom indifference. I can't always seem to not pay attention to the pain, but I can choose to offer myself compassion when it's there.

I think it's important for those of us who are slower (healers), learners, to be kind to ourselves. With TMS books that say rapid recovery, 6 week cure for chronic pain etc., to feel I'm below average or a "problem" healer if I don't get there that quickly. I think that only adds more stress, not taking anything away from those who are able to heal quickly.

Lately it's more about just enjoying my life, knowing I'm doing the best I can, and not being too concerned with how long it takes.
 
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