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The chemistry of self-empathy

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Andy Bayliss, Apr 5, 2014.

  1. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Article on how attuning-to-self releases good chemicals. When it refers to "threat" this is often in the form of inner critic activity.


    Watch minutes 9 through 13 of this vid by self-empathy guru:

    It is the mammalian brain vs the reptilian brain. No wonder we feel soothed when we are with ourselves without judgement!
    Mermaid, Msunn and Ellen like this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I really liked this video and related to what Kristin Neff says.
    She talks about the damage we can do to our self-confidence when we
    engage in self-criticism or let others put us down.

    When I was a young teenager, my father used to put me down in front
    of his male friends while they drank beer in our kitchen. I never understood
    what I had done to make him talk to them about me as if I was already a loser
    and wouldn't amount to anything. He was a bus driver but I never talked about
    him as being anything but a success because he was a good man, worked hard,
    and everyone loved him.

    When I was 21 and was going to start college, after two year of factory work,
    he just said, "Do your best." He didn't say "You're going to do great." I didn't think
    he thought I would make it through my first semester.

    He died before I finished my first year at college, a Chicago two-year city college
    at Navy Pier. But I finished my two years there and went on to Michigan State
    University and graduated with a degree in journalism. I worked on an army
    paper for two years, then The Chicago Tribune for seven years as as reporter and
    editor, and after that have been a freelance writer for more than 40 years with
    more than that many books published.

    I became a successful writer despite a father I loved but who did not motivate me
    and instead made me doubt I would amount to anything.

    We just can't let ourselves or others depress us or think less of ourselves.
    That undermines our health, as this video explains, and keeps us from liking
    ourselves which makes us healthier, both psychologically and physically.

    The article begins with examples of mindfulness, living in the present moment,
    giving ourselves compassion and not be self-critical.

    Tell yourself you are a good person and can achieve anything you set your mind to.

    Welcome to the Self-Confidence Club.
    LindaRK, Msunn, Mermaid and 1 other person like this.
  3. tigerlilly

    tigerlilly Well known member

    Walt - it's wonderful to see that you found self-confidence despite not gaining the approval of your father. You are an inspiration to all of us on this board!
    (Hugs to Annie from Smeagle!)

    This post on self-compassion is so important to healing ourselves from TMS. It's something that I really didn't know about or even think of doing until I watched the above video.
    Now I've been doing self-compassion the last couple of days, and really enjoying the sense of safety and calm that it gives me. What Kristen says in the video is so true - it has the effect of giving you just the boost that you need!
    Even after I journal and write the negative feelings and thoughts down, I finish the writing with self-compassion and what I want to say to myself to let me know that it's all going to be all right and that I deserve love and acceptance of myself.

    And good news - my pain is starting to fade away some. I was able to walk one mile on Saturday, which was huge for me considering that I've been bedridden since January and only able to walk 1/4 mile until now. Yesterday I was able to go to park with my hubby for a picnic, and while I had pretty bad spasm going on for the first 40 minutes, it finally calmed down and I was actually able to walk freely to the car when we left, and even SIT (not lay down) in the car on the way home. Shocking! And so wonderful! I can't way to prove everyone wrong - you know, the friends, family and other naysayers who insist that you gotta have surgery and why aren't you going to the doctors and what is wrong with you? Those people!
    Msunn and Ellen like this.
  4. Steve Ozanich

    Steve Ozanich TMS Consultant

    This is at the very heart of the embryonic stages of TMS. Good post.
  5. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Way to go, Tigerlily! I'm thrilled for your success. It's just what I needed to hear today.
    Tomorrow I attend an annual conference that I really look forward to. The last two years I attended it, I was barely able to walk. This year, I hope to practically DANCE from one seminar to the next!!
  6. tigerlilly

    tigerlilly Well known member

    Thanks Gigi -
    Hoping your conference goes well and that you are able to enjoy yourself freely without any thought of pain or discomfort!
  7. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Tiger;ily, I am really tickled that you are doing so well with walking and went on that picnic in the park.
    We need things to lift our spirits and you're doing them.

    And Gigi, hope you enjoy the conference and can focus on that rather than even think about pain.
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi to Smeagle from Annie. They are Internet pen pals!
  9. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thanks, Andy B, for posting this. I used the information today and hope to make self-compassion a new habit. When I returned home from the grocery store today, I realized I left an item in the shopping cart when I loaded up my car. I typically would say to myself "what an idiot", but instead today I said "well you have a lot on your mind right now. You must need to take a break. " Small change, but I think powerful.
    Mermaid and Msunn like this.
  10. Colly

    Colly Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is so powerful, thank you for posting Andy B. Walt you continue to inspire me day by day. And Tigerlilly - wonderful news! Delighted for you:)
    Msunn likes this.
  11. Msunn

    Msunn Well known member

    • Great Post. I'm currently reading the book Self Compassion by Kristen Neff and hadn't seen this video. She also has a website self-compassion.org with some free guided meditations and other material.
    I've really been using this recently, having compassion and patience for myself with the TMS. When I go to play my gigs I'm making the goal being kind to myself, compassionate, not being pain free, and of course when I do that there's less pain!
    In some ways that's been working better for me than symptom indifference. I can't always seem to not pay attention to the pain, but I can choose to offer myself compassion when it's there.

    I think it's important for those of us who are slower (healers), learners, to be kind to ourselves. With TMS books that say rapid recovery, 6 week cure for chronic pain etc., to feel I'm below average or a "problem" healer if I don't get there that quickly. I think that only adds more stress, not taking anything away from those who are able to heal quickly.

    Lately it's more about just enjoying my life, knowing I'm doing the best I can, and not being too concerned with how long it takes.
    Ellen likes this.
  12. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Colly, you inspire me and others too. You have a great spirit of life.
    Maybe you catch it from all the shrimp on the barbie.

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