zclesa
Well known member
I'm deviating from posting on my usual thread as I actually need a bit of support rather than recording for myself what's going on.
I am truly scared right now. If you've read my thread, you'll know I'm in counselling and doing yoga to release trapped trauma, which I thought was all due to my narcissistic mother.
Currently, my days are almost constant symptoms and an almost primal fear - not anxiety, full-blown fear where there are no thoughts attached but I feel I can not breathe. I can get respite during yoga and while listening to music, but I am trying not to do this all the time as it's not addressing the past.
Anyway, I am not due for my monthly cycle, but last week I started having pain (abdomen and "inside" me) AND some minor bleeding. The pain has been so intense over the last couple of days that I have had to resort to codeine. I had a smear and a scan a few months back, and there is nothing wrong with me physically.
Sadly, I have worked with women with PTSD who have exhibited the same symptoms due to a very specific type of abuse. While I did experience abuse during childhood, I do not remember having experienced anything that would have caused me to bleed or have pain quite like this.
I am really hoping my TMS has picked up on the fact that I know about this physical manifestation of PTSD and is using a clever trick to really scare me. But, I can't help thinking, what if it's not a trick? This is tough enough. I don't know if I could handle finding out something more sinister.
I feel like I have dug down a rabbit hole...help!
I am truly scared right now. If you've read my thread, you'll know I'm in counselling and doing yoga to release trapped trauma, which I thought was all due to my narcissistic mother.
Currently, my days are almost constant symptoms and an almost primal fear - not anxiety, full-blown fear where there are no thoughts attached but I feel I can not breathe. I can get respite during yoga and while listening to music, but I am trying not to do this all the time as it's not addressing the past.
Anyway, I am not due for my monthly cycle, but last week I started having pain (abdomen and "inside" me) AND some minor bleeding. The pain has been so intense over the last couple of days that I have had to resort to codeine. I had a smear and a scan a few months back, and there is nothing wrong with me physically.
Sadly, I have worked with women with PTSD who have exhibited the same symptoms due to a very specific type of abuse. While I did experience abuse during childhood, I do not remember having experienced anything that would have caused me to bleed or have pain quite like this.
I am really hoping my TMS has picked up on the fact that I know about this physical manifestation of PTSD and is using a clever trick to really scare me. But, I can't help thinking, what if it's not a trick? This is tough enough. I don't know if I could handle finding out something more sinister.
I feel like I have dug down a rabbit hole...help!
