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Scary rabbit hole!

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by zclesa, Jul 15, 2019.

  1. zclesa

    zclesa Well known member

    I'm deviating from posting on my usual thread as I actually need a bit of support rather than recording for myself what's going on.

    I am truly scared right now. If you've read my thread, you'll know I'm in counselling and doing yoga to release trapped trauma, which I thought was all due to my narcissistic mother.

    Currently, my days are almost constant symptoms and an almost primal fear - not anxiety, full-blown fear where there are no thoughts attached but I feel I can not breathe. I can get respite during yoga and while listening to music, but I am trying not to do this all the time as it's not addressing the past.

    Anyway, I am not due for my monthly cycle, but last week I started having pain (abdomen and "inside" me) AND some minor bleeding. The pain has been so intense over the last couple of days that I have had to resort to codeine. I had a smear and a scan a few months back, and there is nothing wrong with me physically.

    Sadly, I have worked with women with PTSD who have exhibited the same symptoms due to a very specific type of abuse. While I did experience abuse during childhood, I do not remember having experienced anything that would have caused me to bleed or have pain quite like this.

    I am really hoping my TMS has picked up on the fact that I know about this physical manifestation of PTSD and is using a clever trick to really scare me. But, I can't help thinking, what if it's not a trick? This is tough enough. I don't know if I could handle finding out something more sinister.

    I feel like I have dug down a rabbit hole...help!
  2. zclesa

    zclesa Well known member

    As usual, posting on here gave me some relief. It really doesn't matter whether anyone replies or not. It helps me to see m own "stuff" when I've put it "out there" so to speak. I am someone who really likes to have all the answers and hate uncertainty. This really had me in a tailspin because of that. Really, whatever this symptom is about has already happened, and there is nothing to be done about that. Freakout over. On with healing ;)

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