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Scary rabbit hole!

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by zclesa, Jul 15, 2019.

  1. zclesa

    zclesa Peer Supporter

    I'm deviating from posting on my usual thread as I actually need a bit of support rather than recording for myself what's going on.

    I am truly scared right now. If you've read my thread, you'll know I'm in counselling and doing yoga to release trapped trauma, which I thought was all due to my narcissistic mother.

    Currently, my days are almost constant symptoms and an almost primal fear - not anxiety, full-blown fear where there are no thoughts attached but I feel I can not breathe. I can get respite during yoga and while listening to music, but I am trying not to do this all the time as it's not addressing the past.

    Anyway, I am not due for my monthly cycle, but last week I started having pain (abdomen and "inside" me) AND some minor bleeding. The pain has been so intense over the last couple of days that I have had to resort to codeine. I had a smear and a scan a few months back, and there is nothing wrong with me physically.

    Sadly, I have worked with women with PTSD who have exhibited the same symptoms due to a very specific type of abuse. While I did experience abuse during childhood, I do not remember having experienced anything that would have caused me to bleed or have pain quite like this.

    I am really hoping my TMS has picked up on the fact that I know about this physical manifestation of PTSD and is using a clever trick to really scare me. But, I can't help thinking, what if it's not a trick? This is tough enough. I don't know if I could handle finding out something more sinister.

    I feel like I have dug down a rabbit hole...help!
  2. zclesa

    zclesa Peer Supporter

    As usual, posting on here gave me some relief. It really doesn't matter whether anyone replies or not. It helps me to see m own "stuff" when I've put it "out there" so to speak. I am someone who really likes to have all the answers and hate uncertainty. This really had me in a tailspin because of that. Really, whatever this symptom is about has already happened, and there is nothing to be done about that. Freakout over. On with healing ;)

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