Day 17 Question to Ponder

[KevinB]

What part of this program do you find the most helpful?

Hmmm, lately it's been a tie between the educational reading and the journaling. The former because it generally gives me hope; the latter because I get in touch with some emotions that I wouldn't otherwise, but this has been somewhat unpleasant lately. That is, I've really been uncovering some major anger/rage lately. I get worked up as I'm writing, I want to scream sometimes and break things. But I don't. Instead I acknowledge, through writing, that I have those desires. I feel drained after. But I want to feel these emotions and release them - let it go. I'm tired of carrying around all the garbage. I hope that by journalling I am "dealing" with it and not just feeding into the negatively and perpetuating it. I'm just trying my best to follow what I'm learning, which is a lot, and that alone can be a bit overwhelming.

That's all for now.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi KevinB,

I think we all have a lot of anger. Part of the human experience of not getting what we want, and even not allowing ourselves to really want. So there is a lot of pressure that builds up. Pretty powerful stuff.

I hope that by journalling I am "dealing" with it and not just feeding into the negatively and perpetuating it.

One thing that may help is attuning to the sensation of anger in your body. Exploring and allowing it, and disengaging from your superego attacks that make you wrong for experiencing anger. It's true for me, that when anger arises, there is a deep belief that I am wrong for experiencing it, and there is superego activity around it. There is a thought pressure/process too that something must be done about the situation to relieve the anger experience. Make it stop.

A friend once asked me: Can you feel the anger without the object of the anger?

I think that is an interesting aim. Can I so allow the energetic of anger, that the actual body experience is in the foreground, and the psychodynamics are in the background? Not easy for me, but I think at that level of anger, you are simply letting it happen and going along with the ride, and not feeding the "negativity and perpetuating it."

They say that for the long-time meditators, like yogi's or monks, that the same emotions are experienced (that us mere mortals have!), but that it is more like "a knife through water." There is less resistance, less stickiness, less "hangover." I once had a monk tell me that the master (from Bhutan) got stuck too, but the stuckness and identification "just didn't last as long." That may be my best aim, to not get stuck as long.

To me, the hangover from anger is the superego activity, and what my conditioning thinks "the anger says about who I am." And what I am supposed to do about it. You might enjoy observing what makes it sticky for you...observing the beliefs and responses may give you more freedom to allow anger.

Andy B.

 

[kyrani99]

The concept of "superego" comes from Freud. I don't agree with it. There is the ego self but the interaction in the mind is within the interpersonal environment -an aspect of "greater mind" and not in the personal mind. I found that ideas are not in business for themselves. There is no case to be made that ideas arise out of the subconscious to hassle you because ideas have no volition of their own.

I have found that ideas can be presented mentally where there is relationship. In most cases I have been able to identify their authors. But there are also cases where the ideas seemed to appear out of the blue. I discovered how this happens through my late, toxic husband. I had been married to him for about 24 years before I discovered he was toxic. Actually he revealed this to me after an argument. He admitted that a toxic person wears a mask almost all of the time but every once in a while they will drop the mask momentarily. It is done purposefully and done for the cunning reason to be able to address the other person mentally but remain hidden. The reason is because the other person see the mischief but does not want to attribute it to the toxic person because they feel "I know them well and they are not like that, it's just a mistake". Unfortunately they only know the mask. When they dismiss the incident as an aberration, they dismiss vital information, which affects consciousness. Consciousness is awareness with knowledge where as subconsciousness is awareness without knowledge or with disabled / dismissed or discredited knowledge.

I found that after my late husband revealed his true nature (which he called evil) and I begun to realize that he was evil, the thoughts that I had that had appeared out of the blue now had an author. The interaction became like a mental conversation irrespective of distance, when I was out shopping. I was able to reject the ideas he presented because I could now see that they were just hateful suggestions.

He had often made me angry and I saw that anger is the emotion that arises where there is a violation and/or issues of injustice.
Sometimes one can see that the violation is only threatened and dismiss it. Note the aim of the toxic perpetrators is to get a kick out of it.

I found that it is not wise to try and prevent anger or to suppress it as the anger is higher metabolic processes in the body. It appears the body moves into a higher metabolic state in order to give the energy needed to sound off, stand one's ground or fight the injustice somehow in a way that can restore their peace. This higher metabolism will not simply go away by suppressing the anger and not showing it. I found that if it is not addressed, even by simply sounding off, then it can lead to problems in the body eg I had at one stage developed high blood sugars and insulin resistance and by resolving some problems of injustice my body returned to normal sugars and no more insulin resistance.

Sometimes one can address the issues and resolve the problem but sometimes it is necessary to counter attacking the offender BUT in the interpersonal environment or mind platform where the attack is taking place. I use remote viewing to get the image of the offender(s). You just keep a blank mind and let your hand draw the image, preferably using a mouse on a computer screen. It feels like a discovery each time. Do not try to imagine the image, just let it appear. Then you can use a computer paint program to modify the image for the counter attack. I make blood flow out of the eyes, mouth and neck. And write a directive to the universe. "Whoever continues to offend against me falls down breaks their evil head and dies". It works. The offenders have to either back off or suffer the consequences.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Kyrani, that's an interesting technique you explain about visualizing to reckon with an offender, causing them to break their evil head and die.
Your toxic husband must really have caused you anger, but if your technique works for you, that's fine.

I have found success in visualizing an offender and praying that God will forgive them. That helps me to forgive them. I hope you can also find a way to forgive your late husband. He must have had his own TMS. Nobody is born perfect, and many go downhill from there. Lucky are those who go uphill to bring good to others instead of bad.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

An aside...
I tried making waffles for lunch today but they turned out hard and crispy. Instead of throwing them out, I broke them into chunks and fed some to my darling dog. Annie loved them. I saved the rest for snacks to give her later in the meals ahead. So out of bad can come some good.

 

[kyrani99]

Kyrani, that's an interesting technique you explain about visualizing to reckon with an offender, causing them to break their evil head and die.
Your toxic husband must really have caused you anger, but if your technique works for you, that's fine.

I have found success in visualizing an offender and praying that God will forgive them. That helps me to forgive them. I hope you can also find a way to forgive your late husband. He must have had his own TMS. Nobody is born perfect, and many go downhill from there. Lucky are those who go uphill to bring good to others instead of bad.

There is definitely a place for forgiveness but it must be appropriate. Many people are basically humane but may do something bad. However evil is another thing altogether. If you forgive an evil person you are in for big trouble.

From what I have understood forgiveness means finding common ground or in a sense to accommodate the other in some way. This is extremely dangerous if you are dealing with people who:
a. get pleasure out of harming you, and
b. have no intention to do anything other than harm you. They will appear to be grateful for your forgiveness but if they are evil then you can be sure it is a betrayal and aimed to get you to be unsuspecting of their next move.

My husband will possibly get a chance to redeem himself because in the end he did make a considerable contribution to the work of Justice. However those that he called "his people", i.e., other evil people, I strongly suspect killed him in a grotesque manner for "speaking with the enemy" (i.e., me), but I have no real proof for what happened.

Nobody is born perfect but there are humane and there are inhumane and they are cheese and chalk.
In going uphill we need to include those who had fought against Hitler and the Nazis? Sometimes it is necessary to fight and kill in a war to bring good. I don't think this is going to be necessary in the war between good and evil because that battle is fought in the common Mind platform through which we all participate. And it is not needed to actively destroy the evil for the most part, even with mental means, which is possible. Simply by understanding the foul game play humane people can return to good health and maintain good health. This destroys the evil because they need to hurt others to survive and thrive. Without what they call "the quintessential" they perish.

 

[KevinB]

Hi KevinB,

I think we all have a lot of anger. Part of the human experience of not getting what we want, and even not allowing ourselves to really want. So there is a lot of pressure that builds up. Pretty powerful stuff.



One thing that may help is attuning to the sensation of anger in your body. Exploring and allowing it, and disengaging from your superego attacks that make you wrong for experiencing anger. It's true for me, that when anger arises, there is a deep belief that I am wrong for experiencing it, and there is superego activity around it. There is a thought pressure/process too that something must be done about the situation to relieve the anger experience. Make it stop.

A friend once asked me: Can you feel the anger without the object of the anger?

I think that is an interesting aim. Can I so allow the energetic of anger, that the actual body experience is in the foreground, and the psychodynamics are in the background? Not easy for me, but I think at that level of anger, you are simply letting it happen and going along with the ride, and not feeding the "negativity and perpetuating it."

They say that for the long-time meditators, like yogi's or monks, that the same emotions are experienced (that us mere mortals have!), but that it is more like "a knife through water." There is less resistance, less stickiness, less "hangover." I once had a monk tell me that the master (from Bhutan) got stuck too, but the stuckness and identification "just didn't last as long." That may be my best aim, to not get stuck as long.

To me, the hangover from anger is the superego activity, and what my conditioning thinks "the anger says about who I am." And what I am supposed to do about it. You might enjoy observing what makes it sticky for you...observing the beliefs and responses may give you more freedom to allow anger.

Andy B.

Thanks Andy B, good stuff.