Hi Simplicity!
I just have to chime in as I can relate to your story/situation so much. I've been dealing with pain for about three years now. Prior to pain, I was a healthy eater, but didn't eliminate any major food groups. I just ate what I wanted when I wanted it, without giving it much, if any, thought. When my pain developed, I became obsessed with my health, thinking that there must be something I'm doing or eating that's causing this pain. I became a dedicated Paleo eater after spending hours every day Googling success stories in which Paleo eaters got rid of their pain. I cut out gluten and started fearing it like some sort of deadly poison. I continued to cut out various food groups. Nothing was affecting my pain. I started getting more particular, trying an autoimmune version of the Paleo diet, eliminating nuts, nightshades, etc. From there, my obsession with food kept growing. I have read stacks and stacks of books on diet and nutrition. I became a raw vegan for awhile after hearing miraculous healing stories from people eating that type of diet, then transitioned to a regular vegan. I would spend hours upon hours reading testimonials, articles, and research. I would read one thing and think, "Oh my gosh, I have to cut this out now!" Then I'd read something else that would say to eat that thing I just cut out, so I'd fearfully add it back in. Then if my pain would act up, I'd think "Oh no, that thing I added back in has made it worse!" and I'd cut it out again. I went around and around like this, adding foods back in, then taking them back out. I thought that if I could just find the perfect diet for me, all my body problems would disappear. The amount of fear I have around food is immense, and it's something I too am working on and was in severe denial about.
All this time, I've been doing the work of Dr. Sarno, but it's only recently that I figured out the big picture. I read this response by Steve Ozanich in another forum post and suddenly it clicked. This was all TMS. The pain, the obsession with food, the fear. Here's what Steve posted (
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/getting-to-the-heart-of-tms.6095/):
"I'll tell you one that I'm seeing quite often, food intake. When they heal from TMS pain or whatever, many folks begin to shift their obsession to a perfect diet. They read, and study, and worry about the types of food they're taking in--for fear they aren't being perfect with what they're putting into their body. Their new worry is that they aren't eating perfectly, and anything they may eat may be harming them. I've seen all kinds of new shifting fears but this one seems common. Of course they deny it's TMS, just like they first denied their new Knee pain was, until they can see that it is indeed a new way of TMSing. At first, they felt it was just a way of being healthy, until they realize it's a new compulsion. They feared eating the wrong thing, where they never cared before they healed from their pain. The SI-shift.
Of course there are the good old standbys like people building bunkers, germa-phobianacs, new phobias, eating disorders, and two folks that I've seen shift into PPD (paranoid psychological disorder), one of which was aimed at me. They heal from their physical symptom, but the core work wasn't accomplished, so they turn to paranoia, a psychological defense mechanism. Their fear comes through the window instead of the door.
Fear is the driver of all of life, if it's used correctly it helps us grow and expand light, to light the road to peace. If it's used for self destruction then we get TMS, and self-imposed punishment. The direction depends on self-worth.
Fear is the factor to overcome. But remember the good doctor's statement, "The brain will not be denied!" If a symptom is removed by artificial means, or by placebo, the fear will simply find another way to dim your light. Michael Marshall said, "you can't stop being afraid just by pretending that everything that scares you isn't there." So, face your fear by accepting it, and then using it to expand your light. Consciousness doesn't fear, it knows."
As others have mentioned, I think most diets work for people, or rid of their symptoms, because they think it will work. If you believe something enough in your heart, it will manifest. I'd say that if a food is making you sick, don't push it. Just cut out the gluten, but then just relax about food and eat what you want. That's not to say go crazy on junk food, but just eat good, whole foods that appeal to you. I totally relate to you when you said that it sounds crazy to think that healthy foods like quinoa or chickpeas or a piece of whole wheat bread or tomatoes are ruining our health. It sounds crazy, but when you're in the midst of the obsession/fear cycle, it's very real and legitimate.
You know how you always hear those stories about someone living into their 90's, and they're asked what their "secrets" are, and they always seem to say something like, "My secret is a shot of whiskey or a pint of ice cream every night." If they're eating these "forbidden" foods, how are they possibly living to this old age? The answer if that they are happy. They love themselves. They love their lives. They don't worry about little things. They do what makes them feel good and don't stress about it.
I too have gone from a social butterfly to an isolated person. I have turned down invite after invite from my friends because I got tired of being "the sick girl" and answering questions about my health. I feel that I'm breaking through all of this, slowly but surely. My intention now is to get my life back. You need to switch your attention to creating a happy life, rather than focusing on your body in any way, which would include obsessing about food. Stop trying to heal, stop reading about health, stop searching for the next possible solution. Just go live. The body falls into balance when your soul is where it wants to be. And lastly, start to love yourself. Truly, deeply love yourself. Easier said than done, I'm working on it too, but I believe self-love and forgiveness are the keys to a harmonious body.
My apologies for this novel of a response! Good luck on your journey and keep me posted. I could have written your original post myself. Feel free to reach out to me for support if you ever need it because I fully understand what you're going through!
Best,
Katie
We would have loose the war.
).
