Making Mistakes

[shirleypm]

I forgot to consider this question in the Structured Education Program, and today was an opportunity to do so. While trying to update my website this afternoon, I inadvertently deleted all of the customizations a tech wiz friend had made in the past year to my page. What was resulted was what I considered to be a milder version of a total freak-out compared to my reactions in the past.

I though I was handling the situation much better than I have in the past, but was reminded by Hubby that I still have a lot of work to do. Although I didn't see myself panicking as much as I used to, he still thought I still could work on calming myself down.

When hubby mentioned that, I could feel the dialogue running in my head. "Oh my GOD, how could I be so stupid," all sorts of catastrophizing, throwing intense judgments on myself, feeling tense and revved up. My inner perfectionist was in hyper drive.

I've never faced mistakes easily, but have made big strides in this area. I still tend to hit the "fight or flight" habitual response, so I know this is an area that needs some work. As I am typing this, I'm being mindful of the words I want to take out of my vocabulary - "should," "need."

A lot of my responses to mistakes have always been like this. The "fight or flight" response, the need to stay in control. I suppose a lot of it has to do with trauma, but now that I know this, I can work on getting a better handle on it. One day at a time, using mindfulness, breathing, centering.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Shirley. I am smiling because I know exactly how you felt when you lost some important stuff on your computer.
I go into a two-year-old's tantrum and I will be 85 in June.

I am proud that I know how to use a computer at all, since my four-year-older brother refused to ever use one.
But I too, as you, go balistic when I have computer problems, and I seem to have them more frequently.

I want my computer to work correctly and instantly all the time, but that is not the nature of the electronic beast.
I think God allowed it to be invented so it teaches us patience. But sometimes when I pray for something,
I think God's computer must be down.

Your husband is right, that you should tolerate computer problems like deleting and losing things, but some people
are better at that than others. I wish I was more like him in that.

My TMS suggestion to you is to laugh it off. First I swear at the computer, and want to throw it out the window,
even though my ranch house is only on one floor, the first. Then I laugh, at myself mainly, for allowing an
electronic device to get me so angry when it does not do what I want, and instantly. I think computers have
a mind of their own, like most children and politicians.

Is there no way to retrieve the customizations you lost? Maybe your tech wizard can do that. I bet he/she can do that.
I fortunately have a friend who helps me with computer problems.

Meanwhile, if you can, turn the computer off and take a holiday from it for a few hours or a day or more.
We had a power outage in my neighborhood a few years ago that lasted three days and nights.
I was without the computer, tv, and even lights. I read books, took my darling dog for more walks,
and the days went slower and a lot less stressful.

I do hope your husband understands how hard it is for you to accept computer glitches. Meanwhile, show him it is not life-threatening to you by laughing. I love laughing. It is very therapeutic and helps me with TMS healing.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

A lot of my responses to mistakes have always been like this. The "fight or flight" response, the need to stay in control.

I go into a two-year-old's tantrum and I will be 85 in June.

Hi Shirley and Walt,
I hope we can all forgive ourselves for the way react to life's stresses. Yes, we are animals down deep with survival responses. I try to understand this more and more, and make space for myself.
Andy B.

 

[shirleypm]

Thank you, gentlemen. Well, I took a few deep breaths, knowing I could somehow get my issue fixed. Mindfulness is easier when we aren't under "dis" stress, so I took a deep breath and waited to have the technie husband help in some way. The habitual response of getting ready to run is a tough one to break. Deep breath in, deep breath out, repeat, repeat...