Grief, Loss and TMS

yvettemariabetancourt

yvettemariabetancourt

Peer Supporter
Capture.JPG
Juan A. Turro
1968-2020

This forum has been crucial over the years to my ongoing success , though not always easy, bouts with TMS. Discovering this path to healing has saved me emotionally and physically. Sharing some devastating news here seemed like something natural to do.

Three weeks ago my life partner died suddenly of a heart attack in my arms at age 52. Juan was the sweetest, kindest man and we had been together 7 years, meeting later in life. I found acceptance and love with him, and this was a healing factor for my body as well.

We had made a major life change together and moved in February of this year to Jackson Hole, WY to start a new life. Both of us had great jobs and though Covid raged, we were able to spend his last 9 months camping, hiking and soaking in our new surroundings. He was not afraid of die but I am very afraid to live without him. His end was a terrible experience for me and seeing a human being you love in that extremely vulnerable state has been extremely difficult. I miss him and losing him feels unbearable.

My body retaliated within two weeks and I had full blown lower back emergency. No surprise. I could barely walk but brought myself slowly back to functionality using gentle exercise, stretching and meditation. I was terrified to recover without him as he always made these crisis manageable with his love and strength. I did walk myself through it. He is the first person that lovingly accepted that I sometimes felt broken. I am not sure how I will fair without him in my life.

For now, I am taking it an hour at a time and trying best practices for this situation. Grief therapy, self care and focusing on my love of life. It seems unfathomable to proceed without him, but I have no choice. The pain is beyond anything I have experienced.

Peace to all and Happy Holidays.

Thank you for maintaining this group.
 
Hi Yvette,

My heart breaks for you reading this. I'm so very very sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers. I hope you can find some peace and comfort with family and friends. Do you have a support system like family or church? I truly believe Juan is always with you in spirit and you will reunite. If you ever need to talk we are here for you and don't hesitate to pm me.
 
Hi yvettemariabetancourt,

I am very sorry for your profound loss. Thank you for posting your experience here with us.

I see the photo of Juan and you, looks like around Jackson, perhaps near a stream with a hotspring... Very nice. I am glad you found such a partner.

yvettemariabetancourt said:
He is the first person that lovingly accepted that I sometimes felt broken.
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This says so much. I am touched by his love and acceptance, and presence with you. For you to lose this must be unbearable.

That you're in so much physical pain is understandable. And it seems you're making all the right connections inside about this, understanding the source of pain. You're a strong person, and no doubt you'll grow from all this hell.

I hope that as you go through your process, it is likely that you will internalize ----or yourself become--- some important aspects of what Juan is for you. The kind, loving support for your experience may grow inside you more and more. His gift to you, and your gift to yourself. This is my wish for you.

Andy
 
Ivette,

Sending you love and wishes of peace and strength through these difficult times.

TG
 
miffybunny said:
Hi Yvette,

My heart breaks for you reading this. I'm so very very sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers. I hope you can find some peace and comfort with family and friends. Do you have a support system like family or church? I truly believe Juan is always with you in spirit and you will reunite. If you ever need to talk we are here for you and don't hesitate to pm me.
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Thank you
miffybunny said:
Hi Yvette,

My heart breaks for you reading this. I'm so very very sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers. I hope you can find some peace and comfort with family and friends. Do you have a support system like family or church? I truly believe Juan is always with you in spirit and you will reunite. If you ever need to talk we are here for you and don't hesitate to pm me.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for this. Member of this community understand loss and pain like few do. I have a strong and vast support system and they have been incredible. Covid has greatly complicated grieving but my adult children held me days after it happened. I have seen love and empathy command people. It is inspiring, but the finality of this is brutal.
 
Wow.. I got choked up just reading your post.

Grief and loss are intimately tied in with TMS . In "Healing Back Pain" when I got to the part when Sarno states that, , I actually cried.

It's odd that in it's efforts to 'protect' us our mind gives us pain, and quite frankly, some things are so painful I have often missed the distraction.

yvettemariabetancourt said:
He was not afraid of die but I am very afraid to live without him.
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..and this is one of those profundity's that comes over and over again. Most of us aren't afraid of dying, but rather afraid of the unknown....and living with that unknown.

Bless you and I hope you find some solace pain free.
 
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