Juan A. Turro 1968-2020 This forum has been crucial over the years to my ongoing success , though not always easy, bouts with TMS. Discovering this path to healing has saved me emotionally and physically. Sharing some devastating news here seemed like something natural to do. Three weeks ago my life partner died suddenly of a heart attack in my arms at age 52. Juan was the sweetest, kindest man and we had been together 7 years, meeting later in life. I found acceptance and love with him, and this was a healing factor for my body as well. We had made a major life change together and moved in February of this year to Jackson Hole, WY to start a new life. Both of us had great jobs and though Covid raged, we were able to spend his last 9 months camping, hiking and soaking in our new surroundings. He was not afraid of die but I am very afraid to live without him. His end was a terrible experience for me and seeing a human being you love in that extremely vulnerable state has been extremely difficult. I miss him and losing him feels unbearable. My body retaliated within two weeks and I had full blown lower back emergency. No surprise. I could barely walk but brought myself slowly back to functionality using gentle exercise, stretching and meditation. I was terrified to recover without him as he always made these crisis manageable with his love and strength. I did walk myself through it. He is the first person that lovingly accepted that I sometimes felt broken. I am not sure how I will fair without him in my life. For now, I am taking it an hour at a time and trying best practices for this situation. Grief therapy, self care and focusing on my love of life. It seems unfathomable to proceed without him, but I have no choice. The pain is beyond anything I have experienced. Peace to all and Happy Holidays. Thank you for maintaining this group.