Day 31 - first post

[Monique]

I have worked through the structured education program all the way to Day 31, however, this is the first time I have made a post. I fully believe that I have TMS and the program/journalling is definitely helping me.

I started to get pain in my shoulders/back/arms at the same time I started my Master's program 1.5 years ago. I thought that it was caused through extensive time spent at the computer writing and studying. The symptoms increased to include heat and tingling in different parts of my body and I started on the journey of seeing specialists for rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, etc., who told me that nothing "sinister" was going in my body. I underwent bone scans and x-rays which showed no structural problems. I took anti-inflammatories, sleeping pills for the insomnia that set in and various medications for the increasing anxiety, none of which brought relief so I stopped them all. I saw naturopaths, chiropractors, physiotherapists and acupuncturists which helped me feel better - temporarily.

After a year of desperately pursuing healing, going from hope to despair and back, I came across Dr. Sarno's book and this website (I have had many aha moments, epiphanies and tears reading the various, great articles). Although I still have some anxiety and pain, I can see it as TMS, ignore it and carry on with my daily activities - on most days. However, there are still times when I have doubts that the pain will ever go away or that just maybe there IS something physically wrong with me - the doctors just have not found it yet. I am working with a therapist on dealing with past trauma and repressed emotions (perfectionist, goodist, stoic, people pleaser, yes that's me). I have started to go to the gym again for the past 2 months which I was afraid to do for many months and I feel great about the fact that I'm going.

I decided to make this post because I think I need the support of others who are going through this as well. Although my family is very supportive; it is nice to know that there is a group of people out there who are on the same journey and that I am not alone; especially in times of struggles and doubt.

 

[Tennis Tom]

WOW, you're sure a good writer! What are you studying, something to do with writing? Maybe you can write a book about your TMS travels and travails. Welcome aboard.

G'luck!
tt/lsmft

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Monique,
What wonderful the progress you have made! You have laid out a clear understanding of your situation, and your support with a therapist.

However, there are still times when I have doubts that the pain will ever go away or that just maybe there IS something physically wrong with me - the doctors just have not found it yet.

About this, I will say that even today I still get doubts that I may have nerve damage. This is 2 1/2 years into a wonderful recovery, where I am 98% pain free. What helps me is simply to see the fear, the thoughts, not go along with them too much, and not beat myself up for my doubts. I got my life back. This, after I felt like I had aged 20 years, using crutches, wheelchairs, and never taking a step for 3 years that was not to do with daily tasks or finding medical help for my pain. Now I climb the mountains with my skis and rarely think about my feet.

Even so, my work still continues, working with doubt, fear, anxiety, superego, taking right action to be myself in relationship. It is a journey, I guess that is what I want to say, and you are well on your way. Probably, given the solid support and practice you describe, you don't need to worry about your progress. Try to hold the whole process lightly. When you get done with the SEP, my suggestion is to chose some basic daily practices like reading Dr. Sarno, and self-care, continued therapy, etc, and give yourself time. Your awareness that it is TMS, combined with an attitude of not caring so much if there are symptoms, will do the rest for you, I believe.

Andy B.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Monique. I love watching "Downton Abbey" on Public Television, and last Sunday's Season 6 opener had more wisdom.
Daisy the assistant cook notices that the cook Mrs. Patmore has a problem on her mind, and tells her, "A problem shared is a problem halved."
So you are finding by telling your family about TMS. You now have to increase your belief in it to 100 percent. I withheld about 10 percent and my back still ached, but when I began believing totally in TMS, the pain stopped. So keep up the good work!

I agree with Andy about doing some daily TMS work. Maybe read the following, Dr. Sarno's 12 Dai;y Reminders, in the extended version by Herbie:

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but it is caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does also cause real pain.
2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or anxiety then the blood is restricted from going to your lower back, for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain. Remember, where there is no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, the pain stays because of fear.
3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from TMS healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. TMSers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits, traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build, then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks it is helping you.
5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you won’t have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed because you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear, then I feed the pain, If I fear, it’s impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless. If I want to work against the pain I could but it’s better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I have to be in pain trying to heal because facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them, then I can heal.
8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my body’s ability to heal now. I can move as I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how it is hidden -- its illusion, its fear.
10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face every one of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present.
11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling -- The science behind mind-body/TMS healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of TMS. TMS will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off physical symptoms and on to emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore, thus making the TMS of no pain effect on the body. This will in return, give us the cure and become pain-free.

 

[Monique]

Hi Monique,

About this, I will say that even today I still get doubts that I may have nerve damage. This is 2 1/2 years into a wonderful recovery, where I am 98% pain free.

Try to hold the whole process lightly. When you get done with the SEP, my suggestion is to chose some basic daily practices like reading Dr. Sarno, and self-care, continued therapy, etc, and give yourself time. Your awareness that it is TMS, combined with an attitude of not caring so much if there are symptoms, will do the rest for you, I believe.

Andy B.

Hi Andy, wow 98% pain free, that is great. Thank you for the reminder about daily practices. I have noticed that as soon as I feel better, I stop doing my reading and affirmations and instead will start notice pain again; so yes, the work definitely continues. I really appreciate your reference to holding on the the process lightly. When my perfectionistic character traits take over, I have a tendency to "get things done" and to get them done "right and in a timely fashion" which is the opposite of "lightly" and exactly the mindset and behaviours that have gotten me into trouble/pain over the past years. The promise I have made to myself entering into 2016 (instead of New Year's resolutions) is to focus on self-compassion and self-love............ holding the process lightly is an act of self-love, I believe.

 

[Monique]

Hi, Monique. I love watching "Downton Abbey" on Public Television, and last Sunday's Season 6 opener had more wisdom.
Daisy the assistant cook notices that the cook Mrs. Patmore has a problem on her mind, and tells her, "A problem shared is a problem halved."
So you are finding by telling your family about TMS. You now have to increase your belief in it to 100 percent. I withheld about 10 percent and my back still ached, but when I began believing totally in TMS, the pain stopped. So keep up the good work!

I agree with Andy about doing some daily TMS work. Maybe read the following, Dr. Sarno's 12 Dai;y Reminders, in the extended version by Herbie:

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but it is caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does also cause real pain.
2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or anxiety then the blood is restricted from going to your lower back, for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain. Remember, where there is no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, the pain stays because of fear.
3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from TMS healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. TMSers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits, traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build, then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks it is helping you.
5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you won’t have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed because you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear, then I feed the pain, If I fear, it’s impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless. If I want to work against the pain I could but it’s better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I have to be in pain trying to heal because facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them, then I can heal.
8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my body’s ability to heal now. I can move as I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how it is hidden -- its illusion, its fear.
10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face every one of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present.
11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling -- The science behind mind-body/TMS healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of TMS. TMS will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off physical symptoms and on to emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore, thus making the TMS of no pain effect on the body. This will in return, give us the cure and become pain-free.

Thank you Walt, I too love watching Downton Abbey and I like that you have picked up on Daisy's comment. It shows that we can find valuable life lessons in different and sometimes unexpected places.
Thank you also for posting the 12 daily reminders. I have printed them out and plan to read them every morning to get me grounded and remind me of what is important during the day. I think that too will help me move closer to 100% acceptance of TMS.

 

[Monique]

WOW, you're sure a good writer! What are you studying, something to do with writing? Maybe you can write a book about your TMS travels and travails. Welcome aboard.

G'luck!
tt/lsmft

Thank you for the compliment. I have completed a Master's of Arts in Business Leadership and yes, I had to do a lot of writing At the same time I was trying to come to grips with my health and emotional issues and I would have to say that this has been one of the hardest time periods in my life so far. I had to really push myself as my increased anxiety and fears made it really difficult to practice leading others when all I wanted to do some days was curl up in a corner and cry and the mere thought of making presentations in front of the class could cause regular stomach upsets.....But I made it through and am gradually getting stronger in mind and body; thanks to this program and counseling.

 

[karinabrown]

Hi Andy, wow 98% pain free, that is great. Thank you for the reminder about daily practices. I have noticed that as soon as I feel better, I stop doing my reading and affirmations and instead will start notice pain again; so yes, the work definitely continues. I really appreciate your reference to holding on the the process lightly. When my perfectionistic character traits take over, I have a tendency to "get things done" and to get them done "right and in a timely fashion" which is the opposite of "lightly" and exactly the mindset and behaviours that have gotten me into trouble/pain over the past years. The promise I have made to myself entering into 2016 (instead of New Year's resolutions) is to focus on self-compassion and self-love............ holding the process lightly is an act of self-love, I believe.

Hello
its like I've just read something I could have written myself..the tendency to get things done.."
I am new here, 3 years of footpain and other pains that went away..except the footpain.. made progress, but have a disabled life still..now on this TMS path
reading and learning en hoping.. that this may come to an solutions for me too. Your story Andy of the footpain,, neverpain brought tears to my eyes..what a great thing for you!! the fact that there may be some sort of hope to ever walk again? I don't really dare to think of it... don't even has to be a huge trip, just walking my dog normal without pain and fear of pain would be my big dream right now!

but I have noticed I feel the urg to go at it as a maniac..would want to do the work in one day if i only could.. really thougth about " how soon can I read 3 books en finish this program: to get it over with.. slept on it 2 nights (wondering) and realized is was really being "me" rushing and wanting to go in for 200 % and now realise : no don't do it like that : It will be a totall obsession within 2 days..so now wondering how to slow myself down and keep patient. thanks for your story ..is helpful for me too..

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Karinabrown. I wouldn't think about reading three books on TMS and finishing the SEProgram... that's putting a time clock on your healing.
I have found that after healing from severe back pain three years ago after learning about Sarno and TMS, that the healing practices like deep breathing and believing 100 percent in TMS are an ongoing healing process. New stresses are bound to come up, and TMS helps us deal with them. Please do slow down and be positive about healing. Thinking about "Doing the work" of TMS healing in one day is not the way to go. Take your time.

 

[karinabrown]

Hi, Karinabrown. I wouldn't think about reading three books on TMS and finishing the SEProgram... that's putting a time clock on your healing.
I have found that after healing from severe back pain three years ago after learning about Sarno and TMS, that the healing practices like deep breathing and believing 100 percent in TMS are an ongoing healing process. New stresses are bound to come up, and TMS helps us deal with them. Please do slow down and be positive about healing. Thinking about "Doing the work" of TMS healing in one day is not the way to go. Take your time.

dear Walt,

thanks for your kind words,
also glad you could follow mine: english not being my language
great that you cured back pain and still give others positivity i love that!
while i wrote this post this evening that 'rushing' and always want to give it 200 % is maybe a theme for me (eyeopener) will think about that..so learn already here
greetings
karina