New Program Day 16: Emotional Repression

[Ellen]

As a Buddhist I can confirm that there are many connections between what's being taught around TMS and a lot of Buddhist thinking/philosophy. Indeed, the whole mindfulness movement came out of Buddhist practices.

Unfortunately, even though I am pretty knowledgeable regarding Buddhism, I still struggle hugely with all of this mindbody stuff. The fact that I know my discomfort is being caused and/or made worse by my 'mind', doesn't make it any easier to sort out.

The whole of the Four Noble Truths is focused on suffering and the path that frees us from suffering, and it makes total sense. Every time I read about that, or any of the mind training/Tonglen practices in Buddhism I just know, 100%, it is all relating to the suffering I, and all of us on the forum, are going through or have been though.

But ...

Sometimes, we need to see things from a different paradigm, and I think Alan has done an amazing job of help to boil things down to the most important things such as fear, emotions, feelings, etc. Yes, Buddhism covers all of this (and much much much more) but sometimes you need these things hammering home.

In Buddhism there is something referred to as Kleshas. Here's the definition from wikipedia.

Kleshas (Buddhism) ... Kleshas (Sanskrit: क्लेश, translit. kleśa; Pali: किलेस kilesa; Standard Tibetan: ཉོན་མོངས། nyon mongs), in Buddhism, are mental states that cloud the mind and manifest in unwholesome actions. Kleshas include states of mind such as anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy, desire, depression, etc.

Isn't this pretty much exactly what Alan, and indeed Dr Sarno himself, has been speaking about. So yes, the Buddha certainly had a handle on all of this stuff 2500 years ago (which is amazing), and although I know all of this to be true, I desperately need someone like Alan, and all the other wonderful people working with TMS and mindbody related pain, to help me to make sense of this so that I can deal with the discomfort I have had for two years.

Yes! Alan's program is also in line with some of our contemporary spiritual teachers and writers, e.g. Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie. (Plum already mentioned Rick Hansen) A couple of their quotes that I find helpful:
"What you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist persists." Eckhart Tolle (Carl Jung said something very similar)
"When I argue with what is, I lose, but only 100% of the time." Byron Katie

And one from my favorite yoga teacher--"Be where you're at, 'cuz you're already there." Bryan Kest

 

[rbmunkin]

"There are many things our brains can interpret as psychologically dangerous, but today we’re going to focus on emotions."
What else besides emotions?

 

[plum]

As a Buddhist I can confirm that there are many connections between what's being taught around TMS and a lot of Buddhist thinking/philosophy. Indeed, the whole mindfulness movement came out of Buddhist practices.

Unfortunately, even though I am pretty knowledgeable regarding Buddhism, I still struggle hugely with all of this mindbody stuff. The fact that I know my discomfort is being caused and/or made worse by my 'mind', doesn't make it any easier to sort out.

The whole of the Four Noble Truths is focused on suffering and the path that frees us from suffering, and it makes total sense. Every time I read about that, or any of the mind training/Tonglen practices in Buddhism I just know, 100%, it is all relating to the suffering I, and all of us on the forum, are going through or have been though.

But ...

Sometimes, we need to see things from a different paradigm, and I think Alan has done an amazing job of help to boil things down to the most important things such as fear, emotions, feelings, etc. Yes, Buddhism covers all of this (and much much much more) but sometimes you need these things hammering home.

In Buddhism there is something referred to as Kleshas. Here's the definition from wikipedia.

Kleshas (Buddhism) ... Kleshas (Sanskrit: क्लेश, translit. kleśa; Pali: किलेस kilesa; Standard Tibetan: ཉོན་མོངས། nyon mongs), in Buddhism, are mental states that cloud the mind and manifest in unwholesome actions. Kleshas include states of mind such as anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy, desire, depression, etc.

Isn't this pretty much exactly what Alan, and indeed Dr Sarno himself, has been speaking about. So yes, the Buddha certainly had a handle on all of this stuff 2500 years ago (which is amazing), and although I know all of this to be true, I desperately need someone like Alan, and all the other wonderful people working with TMS and mindbody related pain, to help me to make sense of this so that I can deal with the discomfort I have had for two years.

I affectionately refer to this as the elusive obvious. Sometimes we need someone else to connect the dots or hammer the blighters home. As @Alan Gordon LCSW says you can cut your own hair but a hairdresser can see the bits you miss.

This is why I dig this forum so much. I've learned such a lot over the years and I really appreciate the perspectives of people who have a totally different take. It's refreshing. I'm really enjoying your contributions too.

 

[Lily Rose]

While he is not addressing pain per se he is addressing life and how to live a peaceful, happier life centred on well-being. I believe that to be more important. You overcome pain incidentally on the way to creating a happier, healthier brain ecosystem.

Precisely! Like practicing yoga, or being active in a natural way, eating healthy for the sake of living in harmony with the Earth ... the byproduct becomes reduced pain, reduced stress, reduced weight, and so forth. When we become too focused on a specific goal, we miss the point completely .... which is a journey to a more authentic lifestyle and attitude. It is about a fundamental shift in our perceptions. It isn't about ignoring anything ... it is about becoming aware of the magical aspects of life that so easily become overlooked in the forced stresses of each day. It is about acknowledging your own power and strength, and using your fantastic imagination (and who on this forum does not have an active imagination??? We all can imagine the worst case of every thing!) to alter the inner lenses of our eyes. The closer you get to compassion for all living things, the closer you get to compassion for yourself. The more you inhale the scent of those flowers, the more you breathe, and the better your entire body for that simple act of bringing in more oxygen.

We are all connected. Your energy is an intricate aspect to the overall fabric of life. The more your energy changes to Light and Magic ... the more Light and Magic there is in the world. It is a self-fulfilling cycle. We receive what we project.

Simplicity: Be Love.
And know that you ARE Loved <3

 

[Eugene]

As @Alan Gordon LCSW says you can cut your own hair but a hairdresser can see the bits you miss.

That is brilliantly put @plum and sums up exactly how I feel.

The way Alan, and other people on this excellent forum, including your good self, have really helped me with this.

I feel like I have lots of pieces of the jigsaw, but I'm struggling to put them together so that I can see the whole picture. I think this last few weeks have provided me with some very important pieces and the picture is (hopefully) becoming clearer

 

[Eugene]

Yes! Alan's program is also in line with some of our contemporary spiritual teachers and writers, e.g. Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie. (Plum already mentioned Rick Hansen) A couple of their quotes that I find helpful:
"What you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist persists." Eckhart Tolle (Carl Jung said something very similar)
"When I argue with what is, I lose, but only 100% of the time." Byron Katie

Excellent quotes @Ellen and so so true. Thanks for sharing.

I keep trying not to resist (as Eckhart suggest), but this pesky discomfort just keeps sneaking on back in whenever I feel like I am making some progress.

 

[plum]

Nice summary. I was thinking of making an outline of the program, and this is what I had in mind, at least as a "30,000 foot view." Perhaps, as shmps suggested, we can fill it in a bit.

Oh yes. I like this idea.

 

[shmps]

Oh yes. I like this idea.

Thanks Forest. Look forward to reading the summary.

Shweta

 

[thecomputer]

I was over simplifying with those bullet points, but my point was that so much of it comes back to the same thing, as with most practises. I think acceptance is really the absolute key.
There is one phrase by Ajahn Sumado which I find really useful, even though its incredibly simple. When in pain try saying : 'Right now it's like this', which to me sums up acceptance very simply.

It's been interesting for me having followed buddhist teachings for so long mostly due to my struggles with anxiety and depression. Then this pain completely changed my life, and after reading Sarno I stopped everything I was trying to do, including meditating. I feel like I am coming full circle now and realising everything I learned and knew from buddhist teachings is what I am learning about healing from chronic pain!

'If you let go a little you a will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace. '' Ajahn Chah

 

[Eugene]

I was over simplifying with those bullet points, but my point was that so much of it comes back to the same thing, as with most practises. I think acceptance is really the absolute key.
There is one phrase by Ajahn Sumado which I find really useful, even though its incredibly simple. When in pain try saying : 'Right now it's like this', which to me sums up acceptance very simply.

It's been interesting for me having followed buddhist teachings for so long mostly due to my struggles with anxiety and depression. Then this pain completely changed my life, and after reading Sarno I stopped everything I was trying to do, including meditating. I feel like I am coming full circle now and realising everything I learned and knew from buddhist teachings is what I am learning about healing from chronic pain!

'If you let go a little you a will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace. '' Ajahn Chah

Oh my! You sound like you've been on the same journey as me. I've been a 'practicing' Buddhist for several years, but when this pain developed I REALLY struggled to meditate or focus when I went to teachings. That was two years ago. Since then I've explored so many possible solutions, but keep returning to TMS as it just seems right, and also, it gels so well with all the Buddhist teachings I was immersing myself in prior to this.

There are so many excellent dharma talks on pain and suffering, and I've listened to many again and again, but some of what Dr Sarno and the various other excellent TMS specialists say just really hits the bullseye. I know if I could truly implement what they are saying I would see relief of some kind, but then I wonder what in my mind seems to be wanting to keep this discomfort going.

 

[BOP]

I've broken through the anxiety again and again, and now play with awareness and feeling it. But I can't seem to escape the pattern. I've done so much MBS and mindfulness work. Damn if my mom doesn't rear her head in my guilt and people pleasing 10x a day at least. I get that it is 48 years of hard wiring. I like that I have awareness now and can talk to my inner child and parent, and come out of it faster. But I am ready to spring free. It seems I always end up back there.

 

[Ellen]

I've broken through the anxiety again and again, and now play with awareness and feeling it. But I can't seem to escape the pattern. I've done so much MBS and mindfulness work. Damn if my mom doesn't rear her head in my guilt and people pleasing 10x a day at least. I get that it is 48 years of hard wiring. I like that I have awareness now and can talk to my inner child and parent, and come out of it faster. But I am ready to spring free. It seems I always end up back there.

Yea, me too. Been working with success on this for a few years, but the old stuff still pops up first and has to be replaced with the new thoughts. But I'm able to replace with new, healthier thoughts much faster and easier. I just notice this phenomenon, accept it, and try not to judge myself.

Still, other than occasional relapses, I am pretty much free of TMS now, with the exception of anxiety.

 

[L100]

I've actually had rage explosion! I am very aware what annoys me the most but my feelings are too strong too keep them there in my conscious all the time, especially for the fact that it is not something that can be resolved. So, can my TMS pain go without resolving all of these messy feeling, is it just enough to know what your silent emotional pain is?

 

[TMS.no.more]

John's clip hit home, and I was feeling the anger right along with him. My wife often sends me subtle, and sometimes explicit, messages that expressing anger is inappropriate or uncivilized. I don't know how to deal with that because I have to live in peace with her somehow. It certainly doesn't help that constant pain, limited range of motion, and the accompanying frustration make expressions of anger inevitable. I feel anxious right now just thinking about it. Somatic tracking engaged....

Feeling the anger does not mean expressing it. You can feel the sensations of anger in your body and then decide what you want to do about the way you express yourself.

 

[Eugene]

Feeling the anger does not mean expressing it. You can feel the sensations of anger in your body and then decide what you want to do about the way you express yourself.

In a book I was reading last week it referred to this as 'responding' rather than 'reacting', which I took to simply mean that responding is what happens after you've paused to think how to react, rather than just impulsively reacting and getting into an argument, thumping someone, or automatically repressing the anger, which is something us TMS'ers maybe too too much of.

 

[annfitz]

Originally the title of Day 16 included the term "Systematic Desensitization." There was an audio clip in which Alan provided guidance for paying attention to your pain, first a little at a time, returning to the breath, then a little longer, then a little longer. I have been accessing this everyday since Day 16 was originally posted, until today. Now, Day 16 has a different title and different information, while the comments are still from July 29. This is awkward. Where can I access that audio again? It was helping me greatly!!

​

 

[plum]

Originally the title of Day 16 included the term "Systematic Desensitization." There was an audio clip in which Alan provided guidance for paying attention to your pain, first a little at a time, returning to the breath, then a little longer, then a little longer. I have been accessing this everyday since Day 16 was originally posted, until today. Now, Day 16 has a different title and different information, while the comments are still from July 29. This is awkward. Where can I access that audio again? It was helping me greatly!!

​

I noticed a difference between my original journal notes and the re-writing posted today. I think this day has become two different days and you may find what you're looking for on day 11.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-11-pain-reprocessing.16616/ (New Program - Day 11: Pain Reprocessing)

If not, drop Forest a pm. I'm sure he'll clarify where that recording is.

 

[annfitz]

I noticed a difference between my original journal notes and the re-writing posted today. I think this day has become two different days and you may find what you're looking for on day 11.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-11-pain-reprocessing.16616/ (New Program - Day 11: Pain Reprocessing)

If not, drop Forest a pm. I'm sure he'll clarify where that recording is.

You are right--it's on Day 11! Thank you!

 

[butterfly_queen]

...and a reminder that somatic tracking is pure Claire Weekes, Patron Saint of Anxiety Sufferers.

This link will take you to a post by @Eric "Herbie" Watson (Herbie, Herbie Where Art Thou?) that describes the essence of her work. At the end of his post is a further link to the wiki page which includes Mp3's of Dr. Weekes speaking. They are beyond charming and very, very helpful.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/lessons-from-claire-weekes.3873/ (Lessons From Claire Weekes)

Thank you, Plum for sharing Dr. Weekes's info. It's so good!! I hadn't heard it before and I love her idea of floating past it.

I have been using this in the pool for months: just floating and reminding my brain what it feels like to feel no pain. So this analogy og hers really resonates. Thanks again Dr. Weekes and Plum!
-butterfly_queen

 

[plum]

Thank you, Plum for sharing Dr. Weekes's info. It's so good!! I hadn't heard it before and I love her idea of floating past it.

I have been using this in the pool for months: just floating and reminding my brain what it feels like to feel no pain. So this analogy og hers really resonates. Thanks again Dr. Weekes and Plum!
-butterfly_queen

You're welcome my darling. Isn't she a diamond?

Very pleased to hear that you, like me, are a soft water creature . I can't imagine a lovelier pastime than simply floating in water like a beautiful Waterlily. The expression no mud, no lotus comes to mind as a grounding reminder that we will blossom no matter what travails we have endured.

Warm hugs to you sweet butterfly_queen xxx