Day 1: Skeptical, but willing to give it a try

I've been suffering from mid-back pain for more than 7 years. I have not had a day without pain in all this time, though the amount of pain fluctuates from day to day. Like many of you, I have tried physical therapy, acupuncture, injections, medication, etc., none of which have had any impact on my pain. Despite many tests, no one has found any structural or other medical abnormalities to explain this pain.

Because of my ongoing pain, I have been unable to participate in most of the activities I most love: salsa dancing, yoga, backpacking, even going to the movies. I like my job, but it is hard to get through most days at work because sitting exacerbates my pain. Giving up the things I love to do has been depressing. A few months ago I got angry about my situation and decided to start doing the things I like again. I wore lidocaine patches on my back every day and started salsa dancing and taking yoga classes. For three months, this strategy worked like a charm, and for the first time in 7 years, I started to feel like I had my life back. I thought that by ignoring the pain, I could make it disappear, but now the pain has returned, and with it, a sense of desperation. Which brings me here.

Despite the lack of a structural explanation for my pain, I find it difficult to believe that my mind is causing the pain. I did not have the experience of reading about TMS and thinking, "this sounds like me." Nevertheless, I am trying to suspend disbelief and want to give this structured program a real try. I am open to the possibility that it will help me, but I've been hopeful before, and at this point, it's hard to believe that anything will help.

 

Natalia, your at the place of healing
I had back pain most my life and healed
I know it sounds to good to be true but if you
give it time- You will heal.

Stat course and do the program, ask all the questions
you can and look around for stories like yours.
Im sure you'll find enough evidence to give it another day
then another and so on. We heal cause we do the work.

Look at all the success stories so far . http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/forums/success-stories-forum.27/

Then check out the Alan Gordon Program . http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/forums/alan-gordon-tms-recovery-program.31/

your on day 1 of the sep or structured education program right. http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/forums/structured-educational-program.16/

Then if you want to know of a fellow back pain person - well check out my blog.
http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/The_Path_To_Freedom:_The_How-Tos_and_Why-Nots,_by_Eric_Watson

I know this might seem like a lot but take your time, its all about patience
and here's the good part, as long as you do the Program it will grow on ya
and you will see a difference- stay course - learn the basics and move onto
your destiny- you were born to win

 

Natalia, have you read any of Sarno's books? Sarno says "education is the penicillin". This would help to give you a foundation of understanding.

 

I've been here just over a week and it's been life changing. I was completely on board with the concept, but I still think you will get benefit just by doing the program and starting to deal with difficult emotional issues, even if you have doubts that it will work. It's totally worth a good solid try in my opinion. I know Dr. Sarno says you need to believe in it, but I think just being receptive to the possibility is a good start.

I remember, about a year or so ago, contacting my aunt (biological dad's sister) because I realized that a certain event was bringing up some past issues related to being abandoned by my father. Just emailing with my aunt (basically, embracing a small connection to something I had lost) made my shoulder feel LOADS better for that whole day. I remember thinking that was strange, and that there must be some emotional connection to my pain, but I didn't think much about it after that. It was over a year before I learned about TMS, but the technique still worked on that occasion and I didn't even understand why. I briefly faced a difficult issue from my past and my pain got better.

Also, to start with, maybe you could be open to the idea that some of your pain is caused by your mind. Maybe just do some of the work here in this program with the expectation that your pain will start to diminish. You don't have to expect miracles, but don't discount the possibility.

Good luck and I hope to see you around here more. It's a great place and the folks here are wonderful!

 

Quote - (NolaGal)- You don't have to expect miracles, but don't discount the possibility.

This is Awesome, Thanks NolaGal- I love your story...

 

This is really helpful to read. I feel very receptive to the idea, but still have some fear/doubt.
But then I realize that I will be no worse off from having done the program for 6 weeks. Worst case scenario is my pain is the same.
Best case is... : ) : )

 

Besides doing what Herbie advocates and "staying the course," I think one eye-opening thing you might do to begin with is looking back 7 years and seeing what emotionally traumatic event preceded the onset of your symptoms? If you draw out a time line on graph paper charting the ebb and flow of your back pain symptoms in a chronological sequence and then draw another time line underneath it chronicling emotionally charged events in your personal life, you're bound to see a connection between your symptoms and your emotional life. Seeing such a larger pattern is one bit of knowledge that can help you crack your personal pain code and see how emotions and symptoms are linked. That's what the touchy-feely Buddhists call an "A-ha" moment I believe.