Huckleberry said:
Yes, I think if my MRI had been totally clear then I would have found it far easier to accept the TMS diagnosis"
Now that is really interesting: for me it did not bring anything : had an MRI of my back and my foot
when they tried the give me a diagnosis for my extreme footpain at the time : the all came back clear
and the time I bursted out in tears : just wanted "something" to be found..strangly but true
then afterwards..when seeing other specialist , one short remark of one of them " well a clear MRI does
not mean a whole lot, stuff gets overlooked all the time' ..."and : a neuroma is hardly ever seen on a MRI.." djeee that made be scared again..
after that one said : well an MRI is not the way : you need a ct scan.. (did not have one) and so on..doubted for months
if i should heave tried to get that one too. than the x-rays and the ultrasounds..
now I really think it was a waste of time..if they did found something I would have scared if nothing was fixable
and now they didn't i had so many doubts.. if they missed ' something.. etc etc
it is so easy to get completetely nuts about this stuff and believe me i have been , and at times still do..
maybe it is typical for a tms-er to keep go over this again and again ?
greetings
karina
I realized today that our bodies are imperfect, and we should embrace that we will eventually die. If you zoom in to something, of course you will eventually find something wrong. It is a trade-off and it is about how you want to live your perfectly imperfect life. I easily jump to conclusions and come to the most extremely negative diagnosis of myself, rather than embrace the unknown, take things slowly, and have patience.
I have been to the ER multiple times, and my EKG is always fine, though of course it could be inaccurate, and my chest pains could be serious. My blood and urine are all pretty normal, nothing serious. I have gotten an MRI of my brain because of weird feelings in my head, and it was also fine, but maybe they missed something.
I know that my chest and brain only hurt when I’m stressed. And when someone told me they had throat cancer, immediately my throat started closing up and I felt a lump, and I got it checked and I don’t have asthma or sleep apnea. My knees started hurting when I was very stressed.
My testicles started getting very sensitive 4 months ago, after my friend told me he was gay and that I was too, so we should hook up. My OCD made me think I was gay, and I started testing myself by watching gay porn, and would only get hard to around 1/20 videos, but I still convinced myself I disliked women, though I immediately get hard thinking about them. I have such low trust of myself, how am I supposed to trust others, doctors, therapists, TMS, etc – but I am working on it.
My testicles have been sore ever since, I have seen 3 urologists and a Chinese herbalist, all gave me different reasons. One said I have epididymitis, one said I just have pain, one said it was a varicocele, one said it was from stress. Of course, not knowing makes things a lot worse for me. I had no infections, Advil and hot baths didn’t work, antibiotics didn’t work, and the first ultrasound showed nothing wrong. But, my OCD made me doubt the results, and I looked up proper procedures for scrotal ultrasounds – apparently best practice is to be standing up, and I wasn’t – so I went back to another urologist and showed him a bump I have that no one had found before, and he said I should get another ultrasound and that it is probably an enlarged vein (varicocele), which can cause infertility.
I freaked out about that, immediately thinking all my tests are wrong – maybe I have a brain tumor, heart disease, and so on and so forth, maybe I will never be a father – and my blood pressure at the doctor’s office skyrocketed, as usual; at home, my BP is normal. The next day, my testicles hurt a lot more than usual. So, really, we should embrace that we are not perfect, and then maybe we can be less extreme in our thinking too.