I have been married for 5 months and my husband has already cheated on me. Having delt with TMS before and beating it with a lot of hardwork. I am at loss as to how I deal with this, before my emotions take over my body again please recommend anything that might be helpful. I am trying to keep myself grounded and do with my usual tips that have worked earlier. This is really hard to process and I’m trying to nip it in the bud.
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Ren
New Member
I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. First and foremost, please don't end up blaming yourself for the actions of your husband. It's not your fault and you don't deserve this.
I'm afraid I'm unable to recommend any good literature on marriage, since I'm not married, and never have been! However, I think relentlessly pursuing resources that you feel will assist you, as your first priority, is likely a mistake, and one of your defence mechanisms at work. Please note I'm not saying it's a bad idea to go ahead and read books relevant to your situation, especially if you feel it will help. What is a bad idea, though, is trying to find this information at all costs. This is just putting pressure on yourself, and is acting as a distraction from the powerful emotions you must currently be feeling.
You already have the answers. You don't need any books to tell you what these are. As hard as it is - and in the face of something awful like you're dealing with, I cannot imagine how hard - you simply have to relax, enter the moment, and feel your emotions. Don't worry about 'keeping yourself grounded,' or 'nipping it in the bud.' I think you know, deep down, that emotions don't work like that. What your husband has done will be a source of great emotional pain, and you have to let that run its course. By putting pressure on yourself to figure things out before TMS rears its head, or at least before symptoms get worse, you are most likely creating the conditions for TMS to thrive.
I'm afraid I'm unable to recommend any good literature on marriage, since I'm not married, and never have been! However, I think relentlessly pursuing resources that you feel will assist you, as your first priority, is likely a mistake, and one of your defence mechanisms at work. Please note I'm not saying it's a bad idea to go ahead and read books relevant to your situation, especially if you feel it will help. What is a bad idea, though, is trying to find this information at all costs. This is just putting pressure on yourself, and is acting as a distraction from the powerful emotions you must currently be feeling.
You already have the answers. You don't need any books to tell you what these are. As hard as it is - and in the face of something awful like you're dealing with, I cannot imagine how hard - you simply have to relax, enter the moment, and feel your emotions. Don't worry about 'keeping yourself grounded,' or 'nipping it in the bud.' I think you know, deep down, that emotions don't work like that. What your husband has done will be a source of great emotional pain, and you have to let that run its course. By putting pressure on yourself to figure things out before TMS rears its head, or at least before symptoms get worse, you are most likely creating the conditions for TMS to thrive.
miffybunny
Beloved Grand Eagle
Hi Kindle123, I'm so sorry to read about your situation. I totally agree with Ren...you already know what you feel and you already have the answers. All the books in the world, and others' opinions won't change what you know in your heart. The important thing is to not blame yourself. We are not responsible for the decisions of others. I hope that helps a little!
Amira
Newcomer
You will be ok soon, it's not your fault, sh*t just happens, but we are strong enough to move on.
And things could be worse like in S. King's Happy marriage!
jimmylaw9
Peer Supporter
Kindle I split up last year n have 50 per cent custody of two kids. No adultery just controlling wife. I was v angry sad etc n blaming until I realised wasn’t helpful. My reactions were killing me so I look at it completely different now n you need to do same or you will suffer from rep emotions. Stop all thoughts of what he’s done and just understand that it’s done you a favour. You can now rebuild and move on. Dont spend one more day being sad. It’s you giving yourself pain. Fill the void with pleasure n be good to yourself.
Amira
Newcomer
Really good website, lots of relationship advice
Emma White
Newcomer
Being cheated, this is one of the hardest thing to cope with...I know what it is from personal experience, unfortunately(((
Emma White
Newcomer
I guess, one day I have to talk about it as well, maybe will be able to move on afterwards((
Emma White
Newcomer
Checked the website. Indeed, she is giving good pieces of advice.
It’s good nowadays that you can just search on the Internet, find forums, books or articles that raise the topic you are interested in. So there is no need to find a good psychologist seeking for help, and it's quite expensive. When I was coming through the same situation, the first thing I did, of course, was browsing through the Internet. I've read a lot of information in regards to cheating and the best source I've found is https://breakupangels.com/what-to-do-after-cheating/ (What It’s Like to Stay in a Relationship After Cheating). The article describes just what to expect if you decide to stay in an unfaithful relationship. So, I guess, this is your case as was mine awhile ago. I've decided to give a try and keep our marriage alive. The most important, as for me, and helpful advice is to admit that the relationship after cheating will never be the same, so you should be ready to leave the situation behind, move on and start to redefine it.
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FredAmir
Well known member
So sorry Kindle123. Only 5 months of marriage. I assume non children, in which case it makes matters a lot less complicated.
Most of my TMS was due marital discord. After I recovered, I did a lot research and ended up dedicating the last chapter of Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain sharing the concepts and steps that helped, including those recommended by Michele Weiner-Davis in Divorce Busting.
Good idea to work with a family counselor to get the support you need as you go through this challenging situation.
Take care,
Most of my TMS was due marital discord. After I recovered, I did a lot research and ended up dedicating the last chapter of Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain sharing the concepts and steps that helped, including those recommended by Michele Weiner-Davis in Divorce Busting.
Good idea to work with a family counselor to get the support you need as you go through this challenging situation.
Take care,
JanAtheCPA
Beloved Grand Eagle
Oops - this old thread, originally from 2019, was revived by a spammer who posted earlier today. I have removed the spam post and I'm locking the thread.
If you see a new post that doesn't seem to quite fit in with our topic - even if it doesn't contain a link (yet) - check the date of the original thread. Certain topics attract spammers who often end up posting on old threads. Sometimes they don't include a link right away, then they come back and edit the post to add the link later. Also, please use the Report link on any dubious post. We will review it and determine if the user is legit - most of the time they are not.
If you see a new post that doesn't seem to quite fit in with our topic - even if it doesn't contain a link (yet) - check the date of the original thread. Certain topics attract spammers who often end up posting on old threads. Sometimes they don't include a link right away, then they come back and edit the post to add the link later. Also, please use the Report link on any dubious post. We will review it and determine if the user is legit - most of the time they are not.
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