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Any book on broken marriage?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by kindle123, Oct 21, 2019.

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  1. kindle123

    kindle123 Peer Supporter

    I have been married for 5 months and my husband has already cheated on me. Having delt with TMS before and beating it with a lot of hardwork. I am at loss as to how I deal with this, before my emotions take over my body again please recommend anything that might be helpful. I am trying to keep myself grounded and do with my usual tips that have worked earlier. This is really hard to process and I’m trying to nip it in the bud.
     
  2. Ren

    Ren New Member

    I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. First and foremost, please don't end up blaming yourself for the actions of your husband. It's not your fault and you don't deserve this.

    I'm afraid I'm unable to recommend any good literature on marriage, since I'm not married, and never have been! However, I think relentlessly pursuing resources that you feel will assist you, as your first priority, is likely a mistake, and one of your defence mechanisms at work. Please note I'm not saying it's a bad idea to go ahead and read books relevant to your situation, especially if you feel it will help. What is a bad idea, though, is trying to find this information at all costs. This is just putting pressure on yourself, and is acting as a distraction from the powerful emotions you must currently be feeling.

    You already have the answers. You don't need any books to tell you what these are. As hard as it is - and in the face of something awful like you're dealing with, I cannot imagine how hard - you simply have to relax, enter the moment, and feel your emotions. Don't worry about 'keeping yourself grounded,' or 'nipping it in the bud.' I think you know, deep down, that emotions don't work like that. What your husband has done will be a source of great emotional pain, and you have to let that run its course. By putting pressure on yourself to figure things out before TMS rears its head, or at least before symptoms get worse, you are most likely creating the conditions for TMS to thrive.
     
    miffybunny likes this.
  3. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Kindle123, I'm so sorry to read about your situation. I totally agree with Ren...you already know what you feel and you already have the answers. All the books in the world, and others' opinions won't change what you know in your heart. The important thing is to not blame yourself. We are not responsible for the decisions of others. I hope that helps a little!
     
  4. Amira

    Amira Newcomer

    You will be ok soon, it's not your fault, sh*t just happens, but we are strong enough to move on.
    And things could be worse like in S. King's Happy marriage!
     
    CristalWW likes this.
  5. sam908

    sam908 Peer Supporter

    Check out Michele Weiner-Davis' books, as well as her website, divorcebusting.com.
     
    Emma White, jennyc19 and CristalWW like this.
  6. jimmylaw9

    jimmylaw9 Peer Supporter

    Kindle I split up last year n have 50 per cent custody of two kids. No adultery just controlling wife. I was v angry sad etc n blaming until I realised wasn’t helpful. My reactions were killing me so I look at it completely different now n you need to do same or you will suffer from rep emotions. Stop all thoughts of what he’s done and just understand that it’s done you a favour. You can now rebuild and move on. Dont spend one more day being sad. It’s you giving yourself pain. Fill the void with pleasure n be good to yourself.
     
  7. Amira

    Amira Newcomer

    Really good website, lots of relationship advice
     
    Emma White and jennyc19 like this.
  8. Emma White

    Emma White Newcomer

    Being cheated, this is one of the hardest thing to cope with...I know what it is from personal experience, unfortunately(((
     
  9. Emma White

    Emma White Newcomer

    I guess, one day I have to talk about it as well, maybe will be able to move on afterwards((
     
  10. Emma White

    Emma White Newcomer

    Checked the website. Indeed, she is giving good pieces of advice.
    It’s good nowadays that you can just search on the Internet, find forums, books or articles that raise the topic you are interested in. So there is no need to find a good psychologist seeking for help, and it's quite expensive. When I was coming through the same situation, the first thing I did, of course, was browsing through the Internet. I've read a lot of information in regards to cheating and the best source I've found is https://breakupangels.com/what-to-do-after-cheating/ (What It’s Like to Stay in a Relationship After Cheating). The article describes just what to expect if you decide to stay in an unfaithful relationship. So, I guess, this is your case as was mine awhile ago. I've decided to give a try and keep our marriage alive. The most important, as for me, and helpful advice is to admit that the relationship after cheating will never be the same, so you should be ready to leave the situation behind, move on and start to redefine it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2021

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