An email

[miffybunny]

Next to the pain, bloated stomach and uncomfortably feeling my heart beat a lot i start to get more tired and tired which annoys me a little. I feel completely exhausted. Maybe its normal because the pain is at a high level, but it starts to bug me a little. Its hard to keep going when you are so insanely tired. I sleep good so that not it. But maybe i should even be outcome independen on that? Any one has experience with this exhaustion?

I guess my symptoms are just on a high right now because i keep doing the things i want to disregarding how much pain i have. Just wanted to get it out here since i notice its starting to bug me a little.

Getting enough rest and lowering your anxiety level are key in doing TMS work. I really suggest you look into some kind of meds to help you with the anxiety and sleep...or do yoga or meditation or something. You can't apply outcome independence to exhaustion and panic.

 

[Mark1122]

Getting enough rest and lowering your anxiety level are key in doing TMS work. I really suggest you look into some kind of meds to help you with the anxiety and sleep...or do yoga or meditation or something. You can't apply outcome independence to exhaustion and panic.

Yeah i will do more meditating and might join some yoga thing or something. I was addicted to benzo's for 2 dont years so think il take those again. I used them to reduce the pain and stop the anxiety while using pc.

 

[miffybunny]

Yeah i will do more meditating and might join some yoga thing or something. I was addicted to benzo's for 2 dont years so think il take those again. I used them to reduce the pain and stop the anxiety while using pc.

There are meds in other categories that are not addictive like Benzos that can really help but of course other modalities like yoga or meditation can work just as well. Or both!

 

[Kati]

Mark, if it helps, I too, have heart symptoms as part of my TMS. I've had numerous tests, including a 30 day long heart monitor, all of which have shown no structural abnormalities, and no clear reason for the symptoms. I can 100% understand how the heart can be involved in TMS; its rate is controlled by the autonomic nervous system, after all. But yes, it can be hard to not feel scared when something like the heart is concerned. The PPD Association website mentions both POTS syndrome and inappropriate sinus tachycardia as two diagnoses that are TMS. Both involve heart-related symptoms.

Not fearing my symptoms is something that I'm working on; I think it's a big piece of the puzzle for me. Yesterday, even though my heart rate was a little high, I took a walk up a (very) steep dirt road near my house. My heart pounded, but the rate wasn't all that much more than my husband's. Afterward, I felt good, and happy that I had done it despite any fears I had. It was also convincing evidence that I don't have any serious heart disease. Miffybunny's advice is right on. (It's good advice for me, too. Thanks miffybunny Now if I can only break the habit of checking my pulse a half dozen times a day, lol.

 

[TG957]

I did An online job application today and got called back this evening. I was a little nervous like any one would be. The suddenly nu head skipped a beat but really hard like some one kicked me in the heart from the inside. Just 1 skip. But it stressed me out more.

After the call i was a bit scared and even though it went well i got scared if u could even do it. My trapezius hurt like hell and i was so tensed. Immidiately doubting if i should even be applying to a job. What if it it goes wrong? Etc.

Im a bit more calm now again. But i dont feel happy with the application while i should be since it went well...

You did the right thing. Without getting in the water, you will never swim. You are not happy with the application because your inner child is scared to death. You need to calm him down. Try mentally prepare yourself for interviews and first days at work, even if you would not get this particular job. Training your brain ahead of experience is very helpful. I have a fear of heights which got much, much worse after I got sick. The fear was completely paralyzing even when there was no reason to be afraid. I started practicing visualization and de-sensitization. Along with meditation, it worked. Last summer I climbed Mount Whitney - and not a single time I was paralyzed by fear of heights. I was more paralyzed by the fear of my fear before the experience, but the hike itself went very well.

 

[Mark1122]

Mark, if it helps, I too, have heart symptoms as part of my TMS. I've had numerous tests, including a 30 day long heart monitor, all of which have shown no structural abnormalities, and no clear reason for the symptoms. I can 100% understand how the heart can be involved in TMS; its rate is controlled by the autonomic nervous system, after all. But yes, it can be hard to not feel scared when something like the heart is concerned. The PPD Association website mentions both POTS syndrome and inappropriate sinus tachycardia as two diagnoses that are TMS. Both involve heart-related symptoms.

Not fearing my symptoms is something that I'm working on; I think it's a big piece of the puzzle for me. Yesterday, even though my heart rate was a little high, I took a walk up a (very) steep dirt road near my house. My heart pounded, but the rate wasn't all that much more than my husband's. Afterward, I felt good, and happy that I had done it despite any fears I had. It was also convincing evidence that I don't have any serious heart disease. Miffybunny's advice is right on. (It's good advice for me, too. Thanks miffybunny Now if I can only break the habit of checking my pulse a half dozen times a day, lol.

Yeah its always reassuring to hear from others who have heart problems due to TMS. Good job on that walk! Its especially the skipped beats and flutters that scare me sometimes but its getting better.

You did the right thing. Without getting in the water, you will never swim. You are not happy with the application because your inner child is scared to death. You need to calm him down. Try mentally prepare yourself for interviews and first days at work, even if you would not get this particular job. Training your brain ahead of experience is very helpful. I have a fear of heights which got much, much worse after I got sick. The fear was completely paralyzing even when there was no reason to be afraid. I started practicing visualization and de-sensitization. Along with meditation, it worked. Last summer I climbed Mount Whitney - and not a single time I was paralyzed by fear of heights. I was more paralyzed by the fear of my fear before the experience, but the hike itself went very well.

He is scared, heck i am scared. I feel anxiety and adrenaline through my body.

This morning i have insane pain in both arms, neck, upper back. Its crazy plus i woke up exhausted. Maybe its the anxiety for the job. What if im in so much pain and tiredafter a week that i have to quit again etc.

But i need tot think psychological. This job scares me also in a way of feeling not good enough. What if i will fail at it. What if i dissapoint everyone again including myself when i stop again.

Its also my birthday today and i told myself a lot before my 28th i have to have reached some stuff that i didn't reach. Maybe unconsiously i feel bad about that. Another year went by and still at home in pain.

But i will try to do everything i want to today. I must have TMS Theres just no other explanation. Maybe my TMS is fighting me hard because i start to believe its psychological.

I think training my brain ahead is a Nice idea. I will try to calm myself. Theres nothing structually wrong with me. So physically i should be capable.

 

[Mark1122]

Im at the point where i always stop in my TMS journey. Been here a couple of times. I feel dizzy, naussea, tired, feel my heart unpleasently alot, whenever something happens i get a little tension and my heart feels like its popping. And my stomach is so so bloated that it hurts. And ofcourse my arms neck, joints OR Bones Hurt idk what IT is.

I will try to meditate i guess. It just feels impossible to be outcome independent during this. I cant walk through being dizzy tired and a heart that plays.up like crazy.

But i will try again, because i cant fall back again. Id rather die than sit at home feeling like shit for therest of my life.

 

[Mark1122]

So i went and readt about meditation again and found an interesting article about some one who readt about sarno as well and had a success story withg using meditation. Its like Alan tells in the programm with focusin on your symptoms by meditation without fear or resisting it. Just look at it how does it feel, is it tingling or aching etc. That kindof stuff. Well this person said after 8 weeks there wasnt a huge difference in his rsi symptoms but from the 8th to 9th week he cures for 90% and later more after that.

I never managed to do it longer than a week to be hounest, because the fear and depression would take over fast. Plus i went full activity without really working on the TMS otherwise then okay i got TMS move on brainlessly which didnt work. I will keep at it now, i have TMS i just need to give myself some time and meditate as well. I need to feel the symptoms without fear, its okay that they are here, i have to retrain my brain and i believe the brain actually changes sortof structurally when doing this kindof meditation. Now its progressed to focus on pain and unpleasent feelings. Like a hyperfocus on my heart rhytm and pains. On high alert. I will have to retrain my brain now. I feel confident now.

Ive been looking alot in emotions which i cant really find. And i do know im stressed a lot and always thinking and worrying. I think that has to change, that might be my problem. So meditation can help with that. Let's see how it goes!

I just keep typing my insights and progression here for myself and maybe others when i am healed, which i will.

 

[miffybunny]

Meditation is a great modality but you don't have to get stressed out over it. See how it goes...do a few minutes a day. I never meditated at all and still got better so if you decide it's not for you, don't worry about it. You don't need to dig and dwell on emotions so much. I get the impression you are "trying" and putting pressure on yourself when its really not about that at all. It's the opposite. It's not feraking out over symptoms, taking a moment to acknowledge anything you may be feeling in that moment or day, not judging those emotions and most importantly just living your life.

 

[Mark1122]

Meditation is a great modality but you don't have to get stressed out over it. See how it goes...do a few minutes a day. I never meditated at all and still got better so if you decide it's not for you, don't worry about it. You don't need to dig and dwell on emotions so much. I get the impression you are "trying" and putting pressure on yourself when its really not about that at all. It's the opposite. It's not feraking out over symptoms, taking a moment to acknowledge anything you may be feeling in that moment or day, not judging those emotions and most importantly just living your life.

Good point. I wont get stressed out over it. But i notice my anxiety is off the charts. Stomach bloated, heart palpilations and pain. And so exhausted but i will just keep going although it feels unpleasant as ****. I even feel my heart on the left side of my left foot all the time.

I have been using the pc and mobile whenever i feel like it and symptoms are off the charts. My application went well and they want me for a second meeting to see if they really want me, but im starting to freak out a little since symptoms are so bad.

 

[TG957]

Mark, congratulations on your interview! No wonder your anxiety is off the charts - your irrational self is scared, because you are doing what it does not want you to do.

Couple questions: 1. how long is your meditation? In my experience, in every meditational activity (and I also count yoga, swimming and running as such) I experience rise in anxiety about 15-20 minutes into it. If I continue, it eventually goes away. For myself, I don't see much benefit from meditation unless I stick through it for at least 1 hour.
2. Have you tried Claire Weekes' audio for anxiety ? It was a godsend to me.

 

[Mark1122]

Mark, congratulations on your interview! No wonder your anxiety is off the charts - your irrational self is scared, because you are doing what it does not want you to do.

Couple questions: 1. how long is your meditation? In my experience, in every meditational activity (and I also count yoga, swimming and running as such) I experience rise in anxiety about 15-20 minutes into it. If I continue, it eventually goes away. For myself, I don't see much benefit from meditation unless I stick through it for at least 1 hour.
2. Have you tried Claire Weekes' audio for anxiety ? It was a godsend to me.

Thanks, yeah i guess so.

1. With running one time it goes fine other time it doesnt, also niet after 20minutes. And meditation is hard for me too. I only feel worse, but yeah ive been told too that you need to get past that. When you resist to the bad feeling it will get worse. When you accept it and dont let it bother you it should go after a while is what i readt. Harder to do than i thought.

2. I havent i will try it thanks!

I had a big pannic attack today but it wasnt really panicky. It was from deep inside me. I told myself all is good but i couldnt win. After a while i almost passed out a couple of times. I was really light headed for 30 minutes. The timing was funny since it was right before my therapy session. I was super light headed and semi panicky in a calm way while there.

Now i feel broken. Im completely exhausted. But i did do all i wanted today. Just hard to be outcome independed here. I am trying.

 

[miffybunny]

Take satisfaction in every thing you overcome, no matter how small or how hard it was. It' proof you can do it and it will get easier. Just have patience and trust the process.

 

[Mark1122]

Update:

I got the new job, so that's Nice.

My pain has not decreased and my anxiety neither. Bloated stomach, tired. Palpilations did decrease i think cause of jogging consistently.

I shaved my head and it took a good while, like 30-45 minutes. My upper back spine and near trapezius hurts alot and got me very tired and moody. My heart reacted in a skipped beat and my stomach is bloated to the max too.

It keeps puzzling me and annoying me today that something like head shaving and spending more time on the pc causes these gradually increase in symptoms. Even though my mindset has been good.

My believe in TMS is decreasing i notice. I dont wee any Nice improvements at all. Hard to stick with it. Now the new job scares me a bit too.

Il take a chill night and empty my head. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

[Mark1122]

Still having a tough time. I get very dizzy and headache. Trapezius feels very painful. I push through?

 

[TG957]

Congratulations on your job! Now you need to spend your time preparing for it and beating your TMS the best you can! There is no surprise that your belief in TMS is decreasing - your inner child is scared! During stressful times, your symptoms are likely to increase. New job scares everyone. I highly recommend to relax in whatever relaxes you: sleep, good food, a nice comedy. If you can meditate - start doing it now. Any light pleasureful exercise should be very helpful. As long as you clearly understand that your TMS will continue bothering you even more right now and there is nothing unexpected about it - you can make your way through. Do not give in! Claire Weekes audios were godsend to me. Give them the best try you can.

 

[miffybunny]

Still having a tough time. I get very dizzy and headache. Trapezius feels very painful. I push through?

TG957 is correct. Your fear is causing you doubt and fueling the TMS. It's not a matter of "pushing through" for that is resistance,....it's a matter of accepting and indifference....not letting the symptoms affect your mood or terrorize you. It's just TMS and therefore has no power. You created it and you can uncreate it. It's coming from within you ...not some outside force that is victimizing you.

 

[Mark1122]

Alright thanks for the support, i am leaving for Thailand tomorrow. After that work starts in about a month. So i will have time to chill.

I was down and stupit enough tot read about RSI today. Ofcourse not smart cause it feeds the pain. If you nerve ignore symptoms too long permanent nerve damage could happen etc. Nothing new though but wasnt too smart to Read.

I am more calm now and will proceed, just sometimes i get down.

 

[Mark1122]

Well having a hard time. Im dizzy alle the time, and pain is bad. I also had a thai massage after IT felt better, less pain and day after a lot more pain. Is that normal too?

Kindof giving up on TMS and thinking about calling off the new job. I feel so bad. When i relax and dont use Mobile etc i start to feel better slowly.

And i sometimes have electric shock feeling through shoulders, like a nerve

 

[Mark1122]

Hello again,

Still in Thailand, its hard to enjoy it. Have a lot of pain. I re readt mindbody syndrome here and got into the right mindset. Just to get is slammed out again cause of all the heart skipped beats i get. I also feel my heart alot of times bouncing hard. Walking a stair in the Heat here makes it bounce hard and fast very unpleasent.

And lately its skipping a lot congruent with my arm, neck, trapezius pain getting worse cause i ignored pain and went on mobile whenever i felt like IT.

But my pain is so bad and heart skips too, that i get scared. Yesterday it skipped 1 beat while getting light headed just during the skip for 2-3 seconds. I feel very bad in my body and getting depressed.

Meanwhile my new job behind a pc starts in 2 weeks. Idk what to do. Life is not fun at all. Trying to change the mindset but my annoying heart is making it tough.