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An email

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Mark1122, Jan 7, 2020.

  1. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    It's been a few months now and i got worse. I continued activity behind pc and went journalling. I also saw a TMS coach in the Netherlands and currently seeing a psychologist. I was convinced i have TMS but the pain and tired and heart skips are so bad that i cant continue. It really feels like my ulnar nerve is damaged or entrapped or something.

    Pain is from pinky to underarm tot trapezius to spine. Cant i be damaged from 16 hours a day gaming addiction in the past? I went through the pain for years with alcohol and drugs.

    How can i know im not damaged. This pain didnt suddenly appear. It was gradual when behind computer and especially mobile. The worst part is it makes my heart and energy real bad.

    I am sorry to bother you again, i readt the book and it clicked and i understand how pain can work. But losing faith this is my cause after treating my body so badly for years through the pain.

    I have a job application for computer work tomorrow but how can i go there when im so messed up.

    Kind regards,

    Mark.

    This is an email ive sent to some one, i have a hard time today..
     
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  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    It sounds like you still have a false belief that your nerve is "damaged" or "entrapped". This is a false belief, an image you have created in your head...but it is not reality. The problem is that you believe your thoughts. Just because you think something or imagine something does not mean that it's true. It may "feel' that way but it's simply your FEAR that is causing you to doubt. In order to heal from TMS, one needs to have 100 percent confidence that it is just TMS.
     
  3. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    I did really believe it but how long can i keep believing when my life got worse and worse. It does scare me at one point. When i wake up now and get outof bed my chest tightens (my heart) and i get palpilations, skips etc. And i get pressure in my head its scary. And when im off scared quiting activity atleast IT gets 25% better and my heart gets a little better too.

    This is so tough and cant there really be anything wrong? I didnt have mri or something. Only ECG

    Physios and doctor looked but what can they really see.

    I am so the tms persona but i still cant see
     
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  4. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    Plus what i cant wrap my head around is why the pain gradually gets worse when im training in gym. (When i still could a little, cant even do that anymore). When i trained IT got worse and when training shoulders heavy it got so bad i got bad naussea and felt sick from pain for An hour after.
     
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  5. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    What has happened is that your brain has become conditioned to this pattern of getting worse throughout the day. You have formed associations in your mind with the gym and with the time of day. I went through the same exact thing and I also suffered from horrific nerve pain (you can read my story in the Success Stories thread). It is 100 percent psychological and these neuropathways in your brain CAN be changed and overrode by new ones. The brain is neuroplastic. Right now your fear is running the show. Your anxiety is the fuel for TMS. Your whole story is classic TMS and psychogenic pain. None of your symptoms or experiences you describe are unique ...in fact they are textbook TMS.
     
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  6. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    Something else I want add....you can do all the MRI's and useless tests in the world, and I guarantee you doctors will not find a cause for your symptoms. We are all walking around with things in our bodies but that is not necessarily the cause of our pain. I'll give you an example because I went down so many rabbit holes with the medical industry and I became "medicalized". I had blood tests that showed I was positive for 2 bands of Lyme disease so I went down that ridiculous road and attributed that to my pain. All nonsense. They also found I had a large ovarian cyst and I thought maybe that was causing pain in my legs. It turned out that the cyst had nothing to do with it whatsoever. In fact I left it alone and it just went away. I canceled the procedure to have it removed. Those are just 2 examples of ways I fell into traps. Don't fall into the trap of searching for things that are "broken" or "damaged" or conditions with labels that make you feel doomed. This is all psychological and you must shift your focus from the physical to the psychological. The first step is working on your fear and anxiety because it's hampering your ability to reason.
     
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  7. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    its just hard to think it is that when you have the mindset that its TMS but when you train i get so much pain that i got nausea and cant keep going anymore. How can you resume activity when behing behind pc or working out gets me to a point that i just cant continue.

    I do get swayed the TMS side a bit again because of your posts. A lot of it makes sense but i cant just train through the pain. How can i get better ive readt so much about TMS and done work but i cant seem to get it right while a lot of people heal in a few weeks or days even.

    And my heart flutters skips beats, i AM exhausted and fatigued. My heart squeezes. But il have to keep a sane mind through it all.

    If it was just pain it would be easier.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2020
  8. TG957

    TG957 Well known member

    Mark,

    When I was going through some traumatic events 13 years ago, I firmly believed that I was having serious heart problems. I had heart palpitations, it felt at times like a squeezed ball, heavy and weak. I ended up in ER. My fear was well supported by the family history: my mom had angina, my uncle and my grandfather died of a heart attack. At ER tbey checked me out and put me on treadmill. The doc told me that if he could walk as fast as I did, he would be a happy camper. Once my traumatic situation resolved, my heart stopped bothering me. But a got other TMS symptoms. I was told 4 years ago that I should never ever put pressure on my wrists since my EMG was totally abnormal. I am now doing 30 push-ups in a single set.
    Something tells me that your problem is emotional, that your nerves are oversensitised - and this is what your problem is.

    The biggest, most difficult challenge facing a TMS-er is to find the trigger and the path out of TMS. Blindly following others did not work for me. You have to become your own doctor since you are the one who knows you the best.
     
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  9. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    Hi Mark,

    Healing is a 2 pronged approach. There's the emotions you are repressing (from the past but also going on in the day to day, every day) and there are the practical changes you need to make, both practical and mental. You have to remember that all your TMS symptoms, as well as other behaviors (drinking, gambling, whatever...) are ALL distractions from emotion. The more you repress and the more threatening and scary those emotions are, the more your brain will try to come up with ways to distract you. The goal is to communicate to your brain that you can handle those emotions and that it doesn't need to keep distracting you (sending you pain signals). This takes a lot of patience and persistence from a mechanical/mental standpoint. There is no magic recipe but simply being persistent and calm and confident in the TMS diagnosis.

    Step 1: Become aware of the chronic negative thoughts you are having on a day to day basis and become aware of the tension this is generating for you. Some of these negative thought patterns are rooted in the past and carry over to your present day but most is being generated by things going on in your life. I can't stress this enough: The goal is not to be out of pain. The goal is to live your authentic self and to live your life. Its not about your body or your symptoms or even other behaviors....it is about your LIFE. You must consistently shift your focus from the physical to the psychological. This takes practice and time but the more you focus on the real things in your life and the more you get out of the state of emotional repression...the more the pain starts to fade out. Why?? Because it no longer serves a purpose! You disable the pain strategy. There is no rush or pressure. Just live your life and trust the process. There is nothing wrong with you. You are already "well" but you just don't realize it yet because you keep getting in own way.

    Another thing you need to figure out is how to lower your anxiety level (whether it's through meditation, anti depressants, journaling...whatever...). You won't be able to do the work if you are in a constant state of fight or flight and numbing yourself in other ways. The next thing you will have to do (I know I did) is make changes in your life that are aligned with your true desires. Figure out what you want to do instead of what you think you "should" do or what others expect of you. Really focus on that. This is not a physical journey. It's an emotional one. You will never never ever find the answers outside yourself (from doctors, other people, relationships, places...). You will own find them within. You created this pain and you can just as easily increate it. That is the truth and I know of what I speak lol!

    I hope that gives you some pointers in the right direction! It sounds like on some level you already know all this deep down but may not have been ready to face it

    Miffy Bunny
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2020
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  10. TG957

    TG957 Well known member

    Ditto!!!
     
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  11. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    Something else I want to add: Rage and GUILT are always underneath TMS. You will need to figure out how to deal with those emotions constructively, let them go and then live your life.
     
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  12. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    Thanks thats a really helpful post. I dont really know what i want. I have been gaming since i was 12 and was pushed to do a good job on school. Conditioned love whenever i did good in school. But i didnt like it, i quit college even 2 years ago. I have the constant feeling i have to achieve something that i havent done anything with my life and im already 27. And im scared to find this okay because if i do i will never reach anything if i cant be critical and set goals.

    Doing what i want is hard even when i get off the physical because the physical will be so big at 1 point that i cant get around it. It feels like i have to push through then till a point where i just cant anymore.

    Thinking psychological is something i should do more. Most of the times i was like okay i do have TMS and i would just continue work and gaming until pain got so bad that i couldnt ignore it anymore. But i didnt focus enough on psychological i guess.

    My anxiety feels correlated to the pain. Resume activity -> pain gets worse -> heart rate and skipped beats + exhaustion -> anxiety.

    But i will try to follow your advise. Instead of believing tms and going through the pain i should acknowledge the pain and look at the psychological. I just find it hard to figure them out, i dont want to give up wanting to achieve something or i will just go back to gaming and not even able to take care of myself.

    Im also insecure about my relationship a lot of times, but logically thinking i got a really good partner. Maybe its also because of my situation that things get harder.

    One thing ive noticed is that since im on sick leave at home it got only worse.
     
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  13. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    Thanks for your post. Its always good for me to hear stories of others with heart palpilations etc. Those are the hardest for me since something to the heart could be life threatening. Which causes a lot of fear. I just cant find the psychological cause. I do know that from my 18th or earlier ive been pretty unhappy getting worse and worse. Already alcohol addicted at 18 and gaming as well. But i am not sure what i was hiding from.
     
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  14. TG957

    TG957 Well known member

    I never found a psychological cause for my CRPS, at least a one with a smoking gun. But I took an approach to desensitise my nervous system through meditation and emotional release. It worked, although it took 2 years. Fear is your worst enemy. Addictive personality may exacerbate the situation greatly. I am lucky that my biggest addictions are to good cheese and Scrabble, so I can't help on that front :=). You have to search for what is right for you until it starts working.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2020
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  15. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    This is what howard actually replied, which is nice because every one here and howard with his reply is working well for my TMS mind shift.

    No, you can't be damaged from computer video gaming.
    Second, an ulnar nerve entrapment cannot cause pain that goes up to your neck and spine.
    You need to calm your brain.
    If you are desperate to get better, if you can't stand the pain, if you are frustrated by the pain, and if you monitor the pain all the time, then it has control over you.
    But if you can calm your brain, decide that there is nothing wrong with you, allow yourself to be happy and free (even while you still have pain), then you will get better.
    Best, Howard

    The only thing difficult for me is when i resume activity without fear the symptoms get worse. Which is logical. But ny stomach gets bloated to the max and i feel the stress in my body and heart. It feels uncomfortable as hell. Feeling your heart beating with tension i even get nausea sometimes.

    And especially when jogging, which i recently started doing again, it can cause panic attacks on days im using pc again which causes symptoms to get worse. But on the flipside since im jogging i had only 4 skipped beats/flutters in last 2 weeks!

    So jogging has been good and bad for me haha.

    Anyway i do still have faith in the TMS and i m even thinking about taking a new job offer and getting off sick leave even though symptoms persist. :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
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  16. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    This wisdom in this response is absolutely incredible. Thank you for sharing your insight, miffybunny!

    Another amazing response filled with wisdom. Thank you for sharing, TG957!
     
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  17. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    I just went for a jog again. I did everything i want to last few days. Even attended a workshop. It was tough but also fun. I do feel a lot more pain and tension in my body, like my stomach and chest are about to Burst.

    My jogging went well because i did IT. My heart did skip once but i also fell more tensed before it happened. My breathing was very bad and i was so tensed while keeping a positive mind. I do feel happy and proud that i jogged while having many bad symptoms and thats all that matters for now.
     
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  18. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    That's awesome! What is even more important than the fact that "you did it" despite the pain is that you did it without letting the pain affect your emotions and mood!! THAT is what is key. If you can be in pain, but still do what you wish to do and not let it affect your mood. This is Outcome Independence in action!
     
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  19. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    Next to the pain, bloated stomach and uncomfortably feeling my heart beat a lot i start to get more tired and tired which annoys me a little. I feel completely exhausted. Maybe its normal because the pain is at a high level, but it starts to bug me a little. Its hard to keep going when you are so insanely tired. I sleep good so that not it. But maybe i should even be outcome independen on that? Any one has experience with this exhaustion?

    I guess my symptoms are just on a high right now because i keep doing the things i want to disregarding how much pain i have. Just wanted to get it out here since i notice its starting to bug me a little.
     
  20. Mark1122

    Mark1122 New Member

    I did An online job application today and got called back this evening. I was a little nervous like any one would be. The suddenly nu head skipped a beat but really hard like some one kicked me in the heart from the inside. Just 1 skip. But it stressed me out more.

    After the call i was a bit scared and even though it went well i got scared if u could even do it. My trapezius hurt like hell and i was so tensed. Immidiately doubting if i should even be applying to a job. What if it it goes wrong? Etc.

    Im a bit more calm now again. But i dont feel happy with the application while i should be since it went well...
     

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