unlearningpain
Peer Supporter
This is going to be a long and interesting timeline of my life and how I’ve gone through different types of pain like backache, headache, chronic Insomnia, chronic fatigue, sciatica, tingling nerves in the body, numbing hands, depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia. I’d say I’ve recovered 95%. I still have some bad days of insomnia and anxiety but now I’m positive that I will recover completely soon. I wanted to write this post when I recovered 100% , but someone loving, encouraged me to do so now as she wanted to know what exactly I am going through. Also, my story will stay the same either if it is 95% or it is 100% recovered.
I am a 25 years old guy, born in India in a middle-income class family. I came to know about TMS and how to heal it in 2017 when I read the ‘Healing Back Pain’ by the good doctor.
1995-2010 – Childhood and School
I was a weak kid as I can remember. School kids used to make fun of me a lot. I could never beat them out as I was weak to engage in that kinda stuff. I often had a cough and cold that wouldn’t just go away. I was not good at sports. My parents were too strict for results in the exam and I was in a very competitive environment. I remember I had a migraine pain in 2007 at the age of 12.
2010-2012 – High School
This was a tough time, my dad lost his business twice. There was a cash crunch at home. Lots of small fights happened in my family (Joint) regarding various stuff. I remember my dad didn’t come home for 3 days as he was in shock after his business partner betrayed him by taking over the business. No one knew where he was (dead or alive). It was real mental pressure. He came back finally.
2013-2017 – College
In 2013 I started running in college. After three days of running, I had shin splints in both of my legs. They were very painful and didn’t go away for a complete month, it discouraged me from running again. Anyways college was a happy period. There was an issue going on related to my college fee and how to pay that huge amount in every semester. I remained a bit tensed as these things were always running in the back of my mind. Stuff like supporting my family always ran in my mind.
I developed back pain when I was sitting on my bed playing a computer game (Max Payne 3). After saving the game I got up from bed and something popped in my back. It all started there.
In 2014, I had my first sleepless night and a very bad dream. Somewhere around that time, I developed a pain on the left side of my back that went into my hips and irritated me while walking. Nerve used to tingle and vibrate. It was very uncomfortable. I used to sleep fine but always woke up to this pain and bad feeling. I started going to the gym occasionally without caring much about the pain. This went on till 2016.
In 2016, I can’t recall the incident exactly but I used to stay tense due to some mixed reasons. Maybe I needed a girlfriend in college(sounds stupid) or some money-related issue. I guess I was not able to go on a trip with my friends because of a shortage of money. I was in a bad state of mind and that night couldn’t sleep. No sleep. Then the next day the same thing happened. It continued for a month. I just couldn’t sleep. I was obsessed. I went to the doctor and he gave me some light sleep medicine, still, I could not sleep. I was in shock. What has happened to me? I stayed that way for long time, I used to sleep very less. I slept hardly once a week, accidentally, and stayed tired for the rest of the time. I felt like a zombie. I didn’t know what to do and how to sleep again. Back pain slowly started firing up. It now went till the bottom of the left leg. I went to the doctor and got an MRI scan – It showed a classic disc protrusion of L4-L5-S1. I got tensed. He gave me some medicine(for sleep, for pain and some steroid) and said it will be okay soon but it never got okay.
In 2017, My problems went on and on in every sphere. I was about to graduate but I still didn’t have a job. My back pain now went in both of my legs and my leg nerves were tingling 24/7. Vibrating like a guitar string. I was always uncomfortable with myself. I saw others happy and having fun in life while me being stuck. I was never at peace. My hair started shedding badly (At 21 age). At night I used to toss around in bed and it would take forever to sleep. I slept very little and was always in worry if I will sleep today or not. It was an endless cycle. I started physiotherapy. It used to give me temporary relief from pain and slight confidence. But i used to fall back again. Then a doctor prescribed me a medicine called ‘Tryptomer’. I slept like a baby that night. I googled it and it was antidepressant. I was really sad about that. Then I got a job, I was a little happier. The worst has gone I thought.
In 2018, My job kept my mind occupied for some time. Still, there were back pain and sleep issues and I was finding a solution to it from different doctors in different cities. Some said surgery, some suggested a steroid injection in my spinal disc. Some suggested physiotherapy etc. I was just not okay. I used to sleep in different positions but it was of no use. Used a lot of pillows etc. but it was of no use. I googled, 'how to heal' books etc. I found a book on healing by 'Andrew Weil'. It was a good book and I came to know about Dr. John Sarno from that book. I immediately downloaded ‘Healing back pain’ and started reading it. It was a brainwasher and his words slowly convinced me for TMS. It was hard to get convinced but it made good sense. Then I start doing ‘Unlearn your pain’ journal by Dr. Howard Schubiner(link below). It was an eyeopener. I had lots of pending rage and other repressed emotions deep inside me that were waiting to come out. I was frustrated from inside. I did it for 10 days I guess and my pain started moving around. It was on the run. Then I started reading ‘Power of Now’ and the whole thing made more and more sense to me. That 'everything is connected with the brain' was a hard truth. I gained more confidence and my back pain was no more in back, it moved around a lot. It gave me weird spasms the whole day. Sometimes my eye would start fluttering. Sometimes my headache was unbearable. Sometimes my hands started tingling and numbing. I was glad that there is no more back pain, but at the same time I was sad about new sensations happening to me . Sensations that I’ve never felt before. Anyways, I gained a bit of confidence.
Also, I got introduced to the works of Dr. Claire Weekes. I realized what's happening to me now is anxiety. My mind has created a diversion from back pain to anxiety. It is very irritating. Nerves kept crawling under my skin. I thought that’s how ‘Chester Bennington’ might have felt while doing ‘Crawling’ for Linkin Park. Sometimes I said to myself that back pain was much more bearable. I did stuff in anxiety that I don’t want to do. I used to pray on my bed lying, that please go away and let me sleep in peace. But still, I was immensely troubled with no sleep. Then I began accepting, floating & letting pass. This was beautiful.
" [Anxiety] is very much a [condition] of your attitude toward how you feel. But how you feel depends on how you think, on what you think. Because [anxiety] depends on what you think, you can recover. Thoughts that are keeping you [anxious] can be changed. In other words, your approach to your [anxiety] can be changed. "
In the meantime, I met a girl
In 2019, It was the daily practice of what I’ve learned till now. I went in cycles of pain, anxiety, no sleep, fine sleep, troubled sleep, some new type of weird pain out of know-where. A cycle of good days and bad days. I got agitated by anxiety. It is a very very bad feeling of nerves. It keeps you in a negative state of mind. It makes you lazy. I just want to crawl in my bed and stay there when I was feeling it. I almost broke up with the girl I met :/ due to it. It's just a negative uncomfortable thing. I knew it. Still fell for it everytime.
I started going to the Gym in April 2019, 3 days a week. Forced me on bad days too. Sometimes the pain would just knock me on the back again, but it went away soon too. I didn’t get enough rest because no-sleep anxiety cycle, but still went to the gym. It was a good habit, I’d say. Slowly I started sleeping deep and sound and more often. It gave me confidence. I lost track of sleepless/sleep nights sometimes.
Then I started reading our ancient Indian texts. I read ‘Autobiography of a Yogi - Book by Paramahansa Yogananda’ which taught me what mind and people can do. It introduced me to Spirituality and 'Gita'.
Then I read Holy Gita. I was mind blown. It's written in 3000 BC. (estimated) and still, it knows all the truths that you want to know. This book has all the answers to all your questions. I wish someone gave me this knowledge when I was in school. It clears your mind and puts you on the right path. Spiritual Path. In this era of Self Help and psychology books, I’d say this is the only thing you need to follow in life. Rest all the books/people, knowingly or unknowingly, preach about the teachings of Gita in a suitable way. The concept of Yoga/Meditation is one of the teachings of Gita. It solved my life. Gave me optimism, wisdom, taught me self righteousness and things that I can’t write in a paragraph.
In 2020, I’m in lockdown and I am positive that all that I have gone through was okay and is past. I will recover fully soon. I pray everybody should heal soon. I still have some insomnia/anxiety/tingling nerves in my body but it's far better than what it was in 2017. I sleep deeper and haven’t fallen ill in the last year. I haven’t taken a single pill of medicine in the last 2 years (except paracetamol for wisdom toothache). It is possible and it is not easy. You have to heal your mind and you will thank yourself later for this. Its a process that won’t happen quickly. Recovery is not linear. It's more like this:
Favorite quotes:
What you resist, persists.
Your sufferings open the door to your liberation.
Favorite resources:
https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/ (Bhagavad Gita, The Song of God – Swami Mukundananda)
https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Overcome_Anxiety_with_Dr._Claire_Weekes (Overcome Anxiety with Dr. Claire Weekes)
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/ (Pain Recovery Program)
Healing your back pain – Dr. John Sarno
Power of Now – Eckhart tolle
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/recovery-from-chronic-insomnia.16653/ (Recovery from Chronic Insomnia)
https://www.fammed.wisc.edu/files/webfm-uploads/documents/outreach/im/handout_mbs_workbook.pdf
I really want to spread the message of Dr. Sarno in India to all the back pain sufferers. I don't know how to.
All kinds of comments and suggestions are welcomed. Please ignore grammar and understand my feelings.
I am a 25 years old guy, born in India in a middle-income class family. I came to know about TMS and how to heal it in 2017 when I read the ‘Healing Back Pain’ by the good doctor.
1995-2010 – Childhood and School
I was a weak kid as I can remember. School kids used to make fun of me a lot. I could never beat them out as I was weak to engage in that kinda stuff. I often had a cough and cold that wouldn’t just go away. I was not good at sports. My parents were too strict for results in the exam and I was in a very competitive environment. I remember I had a migraine pain in 2007 at the age of 12.
2010-2012 – High School
This was a tough time, my dad lost his business twice. There was a cash crunch at home. Lots of small fights happened in my family (Joint) regarding various stuff. I remember my dad didn’t come home for 3 days as he was in shock after his business partner betrayed him by taking over the business. No one knew where he was (dead or alive). It was real mental pressure. He came back finally.
2013-2017 – College
In 2013 I started running in college. After three days of running, I had shin splints in both of my legs. They were very painful and didn’t go away for a complete month, it discouraged me from running again. Anyways college was a happy period. There was an issue going on related to my college fee and how to pay that huge amount in every semester. I remained a bit tensed as these things were always running in the back of my mind. Stuff like supporting my family always ran in my mind.
I developed back pain when I was sitting on my bed playing a computer game (Max Payne 3). After saving the game I got up from bed and something popped in my back. It all started there.
In 2014, I had my first sleepless night and a very bad dream. Somewhere around that time, I developed a pain on the left side of my back that went into my hips and irritated me while walking. Nerve used to tingle and vibrate. It was very uncomfortable. I used to sleep fine but always woke up to this pain and bad feeling. I started going to the gym occasionally without caring much about the pain. This went on till 2016.
In 2016, I can’t recall the incident exactly but I used to stay tense due to some mixed reasons. Maybe I needed a girlfriend in college(sounds stupid) or some money-related issue. I guess I was not able to go on a trip with my friends because of a shortage of money. I was in a bad state of mind and that night couldn’t sleep. No sleep. Then the next day the same thing happened. It continued for a month. I just couldn’t sleep. I was obsessed. I went to the doctor and he gave me some light sleep medicine, still, I could not sleep. I was in shock. What has happened to me? I stayed that way for long time, I used to sleep very less. I slept hardly once a week, accidentally, and stayed tired for the rest of the time. I felt like a zombie. I didn’t know what to do and how to sleep again. Back pain slowly started firing up. It now went till the bottom of the left leg. I went to the doctor and got an MRI scan – It showed a classic disc protrusion of L4-L5-S1. I got tensed. He gave me some medicine(for sleep, for pain and some steroid) and said it will be okay soon but it never got okay.
In 2017, My problems went on and on in every sphere. I was about to graduate but I still didn’t have a job. My back pain now went in both of my legs and my leg nerves were tingling 24/7. Vibrating like a guitar string. I was always uncomfortable with myself. I saw others happy and having fun in life while me being stuck. I was never at peace. My hair started shedding badly (At 21 age). At night I used to toss around in bed and it would take forever to sleep. I slept very little and was always in worry if I will sleep today or not. It was an endless cycle. I started physiotherapy. It used to give me temporary relief from pain and slight confidence. But i used to fall back again. Then a doctor prescribed me a medicine called ‘Tryptomer’. I slept like a baby that night. I googled it and it was antidepressant. I was really sad about that. Then I got a job, I was a little happier. The worst has gone I thought.
In 2018, My job kept my mind occupied for some time. Still, there were back pain and sleep issues and I was finding a solution to it from different doctors in different cities. Some said surgery, some suggested a steroid injection in my spinal disc. Some suggested physiotherapy etc. I was just not okay. I used to sleep in different positions but it was of no use. Used a lot of pillows etc. but it was of no use. I googled, 'how to heal' books etc. I found a book on healing by 'Andrew Weil'. It was a good book and I came to know about Dr. John Sarno from that book. I immediately downloaded ‘Healing back pain’ and started reading it. It was a brainwasher and his words slowly convinced me for TMS. It was hard to get convinced but it made good sense. Then I start doing ‘Unlearn your pain’ journal by Dr. Howard Schubiner(link below). It was an eyeopener. I had lots of pending rage and other repressed emotions deep inside me that were waiting to come out. I was frustrated from inside. I did it for 10 days I guess and my pain started moving around. It was on the run. Then I started reading ‘Power of Now’ and the whole thing made more and more sense to me. That 'everything is connected with the brain' was a hard truth. I gained more confidence and my back pain was no more in back, it moved around a lot. It gave me weird spasms the whole day. Sometimes my eye would start fluttering. Sometimes my headache was unbearable. Sometimes my hands started tingling and numbing. I was glad that there is no more back pain, but at the same time I was sad about new sensations happening to me . Sensations that I’ve never felt before. Anyways, I gained a bit of confidence.
Also, I got introduced to the works of Dr. Claire Weekes. I realized what's happening to me now is anxiety. My mind has created a diversion from back pain to anxiety. It is very irritating. Nerves kept crawling under my skin. I thought that’s how ‘Chester Bennington’ might have felt while doing ‘Crawling’ for Linkin Park. Sometimes I said to myself that back pain was much more bearable. I did stuff in anxiety that I don’t want to do. I used to pray on my bed lying, that please go away and let me sleep in peace. But still, I was immensely troubled with no sleep. Then I began accepting, floating & letting pass. This was beautiful.
" [Anxiety] is very much a [condition] of your attitude toward how you feel. But how you feel depends on how you think, on what you think. Because [anxiety] depends on what you think, you can recover. Thoughts that are keeping you [anxious] can be changed. In other words, your approach to your [anxiety] can be changed. "
In the meantime, I met a girl
In 2019, It was the daily practice of what I’ve learned till now. I went in cycles of pain, anxiety, no sleep, fine sleep, troubled sleep, some new type of weird pain out of know-where. A cycle of good days and bad days. I got agitated by anxiety. It is a very very bad feeling of nerves. It keeps you in a negative state of mind. It makes you lazy. I just want to crawl in my bed and stay there when I was feeling it. I almost broke up with the girl I met :/ due to it. It's just a negative uncomfortable thing. I knew it. Still fell for it everytime.
I started going to the Gym in April 2019, 3 days a week. Forced me on bad days too. Sometimes the pain would just knock me on the back again, but it went away soon too. I didn’t get enough rest because no-sleep anxiety cycle, but still went to the gym. It was a good habit, I’d say. Slowly I started sleeping deep and sound and more often. It gave me confidence. I lost track of sleepless/sleep nights sometimes.
Then I started reading our ancient Indian texts. I read ‘Autobiography of a Yogi - Book by Paramahansa Yogananda’ which taught me what mind and people can do. It introduced me to Spirituality and 'Gita'.
Then I read Holy Gita. I was mind blown. It's written in 3000 BC. (estimated) and still, it knows all the truths that you want to know. This book has all the answers to all your questions. I wish someone gave me this knowledge when I was in school. It clears your mind and puts you on the right path. Spiritual Path. In this era of Self Help and psychology books, I’d say this is the only thing you need to follow in life. Rest all the books/people, knowingly or unknowingly, preach about the teachings of Gita in a suitable way. The concept of Yoga/Meditation is one of the teachings of Gita. It solved my life. Gave me optimism, wisdom, taught me self righteousness and things that I can’t write in a paragraph.
In 2020, I’m in lockdown and I am positive that all that I have gone through was okay and is past. I will recover fully soon. I pray everybody should heal soon. I still have some insomnia/anxiety/tingling nerves in my body but it's far better than what it was in 2017. I sleep deeper and haven’t fallen ill in the last year. I haven’t taken a single pill of medicine in the last 2 years (except paracetamol for wisdom toothache). It is possible and it is not easy. You have to heal your mind and you will thank yourself later for this. Its a process that won’t happen quickly. Recovery is not linear. It's more like this:
Favorite quotes:
What you resist, persists.
Your sufferings open the door to your liberation.
Favorite resources:
https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/ (Bhagavad Gita, The Song of God – Swami Mukundananda)
https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Overcome_Anxiety_with_Dr._Claire_Weekes (Overcome Anxiety with Dr. Claire Weekes)
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/ (Pain Recovery Program)
Healing your back pain – Dr. John Sarno
Power of Now – Eckhart tolle
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/recovery-from-chronic-insomnia.16653/ (Recovery from Chronic Insomnia)
https://www.fammed.wisc.edu/files/webfm-uploads/documents/outreach/im/handout_mbs_workbook.pdf
I really want to spread the message of Dr. Sarno in India to all the back pain sufferers. I don't know how to.
All kinds of comments and suggestions are welcomed. Please ignore grammar and understand my feelings.
