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3. Can you work too hard at overcoming TMS?

Neo Veloci said:
But I think there's a lack of psychological advice for what to do with these feelings and thoughts after discovering them. I can't seem to find a succesful way to deal with the inner child and parent, a big part of Sarno's theory.
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Hi Neo:

I think Eckhart Tolle is awesome. So you may find something that resonates with you there.

As to your quote above, have you tried having a dialog between your inner child and inner parent? It's an exercise offered by Dr. Schubiner in "Unlearn Your Pain". I tried this and thought it couldn't possibly work. But I found I jumped from "role to role" very easily in my fast written dialog. I learned a great deal from this and was kinda blown away it worked so well.

Write down "Speaker One" and assign it to your inner child or parent and then "Speaker Two" - and assign it to the other. Start with a question from one to the other and let 'er rip! I think you too will be surprised as to what pops out. I was. I sat back after about 15 minutes of this little conversation and said "Boy is my inner kid angry!" I have worked to nurture the little girl who was turned into an instant adult at age 10. So many things I do now, so many years later, are an attempt to get that kid back again. I know it's why I suppress many emotions and am insecure in certain situations.

If you haven't tried this, I highly suggest it. Maybe it will put some puzzle pieces together for you.

Best of luck!

BG
 
Neo Veloci said:
Hi Forest,
I definitely feel that there is room for improvement in the 'feeling your feelings' part of the program. I'm convinced it's useful to do it, because I think finding out the reason(s) for supressed anger is the first step to self-awaresness and recovery.
But I think there's a lack of psychological advice for what to do with these feelings and thoughts after discovering them. I can't seem to find a succesful way to deal with the inner child and parent, a big part of Sarno's theory.
I live in The Netherlands so there aren't any known TMS doctors or psychologists here to help me with this.
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Thinking back on it, part of the reason I did this video was because I find that people do have some problems processing some of the emotions that come up in the program. Some of the emotions that come up during journaling can be unsettling because they can be strong and powerful. We want to be good people, and these powerful emotions can scare us and makes think man, am I really this mean?

We have to keep in mind that these strong emotions are just that...emotions. We should recongize that these emotions are there, but we don't need to try and fix them, because there is nothing to really fix. There is nothing wrong with having anger. The only problem is when we repress our anger.

It can be tough to not have a TMS doc or thearpist in your area, however in terms of simply working with someone to process your emotions, seeing a regular therapist may be just as good. I've heard a lot that one of the keys to therapy is the relationship between the client and therapist. Look for someone who you are comfortable with and who is at least open to the general idea of TMS.
 
But Marcus, isn't getting the inner child (id) vs. parent (superego) conflict out into the open, out into the conscious mind, a better place to locate it than inside where it can cause TMS pain in your shoulder, back, leg, hip, wrist etc. etc.? Sure, the anxiety you're experiencing may be unpleasant, but not so unpleasant as suffering with pain all the time. I think you should look at those symptoms in a positive light because they signal that you're making real progress short-circuiting the TMS process. Of course, Tolle and various systems of meditation can help take the edge off while you engage in the process of self-healing, which is after all the final goal of the Structured Program. I can remember a few months back when I started the Structured Program and noticing one day that I was getting really anxious and bothered in a real non-specific way. But then I started feeling much more balanced too once I'd worked my way through the initial anxiety. Hopefully, that'll happen to you too!
 
I am taking the long route. I have been crawling forward on all fours for about a year now just taking my time, not rushing. I expect some days will be better than others but recently there have been more good days than bad days. I can appreciate why people rush head long into this. I know myself enough to recognise this would stress me out no end and worsen my pain. So I'll just tag along with the rest of you. You go ahead. I'll get there when I get there.
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Ahhhh, AMEN and holy macaroni....someone gets it. "I'll get there when I get there"...brilliant insight. I've written that so many times, and I consider it to be the most important factor behind full belief in the TMS-process, which is the most important factor by far. You cannot straddle the TMS-fence between "some physical and some emotional." TMS healing doesn't work that way; you're either all in or all out. Those who want a little of this and a bit of that either don't understand the process or don't yet believe it, in totality. If you want to heal, then pick a team. I've personally seen people heal around 500 times, and spoken to those who have healed using the good doctor's work well over a 1000 times. It works!! The good doctor wasn't a dumb man, he was quite the opposite. I see neo--quasi--Sarnonians all the time still in pain confusing psychological overlay with TMS. Procrastination in itself is TMSing, and reveals the reluctance to acceptance and is TMSing; fearing facing the truth/fire.

Anyone can heal if they choose to. The information is out there and many good people here will help. I would suggest to begin. The hardest part is the beginning, because we know we will put our energy full boar/bore into it, and so we want to be 100% certain. But there is no such thing as 100% in life. If anyone has read my work they know that it was the Nike commercial that prompted me to heal. "Just Do It." It takes great courage to leap.

If anyone has any questions I will try to answer them. I have time before I take off again. But I will try to help.

Good luck,

Steve Ozanich
 
LOL! I was the poster child for this in my first week, when I blew through 2 weeks of the Structured Program. Then it occurred to me that I was rushing the process, that the journey was most important right now. I've slowed down quite a bit, and am reading other books in between working the structured program. I've found Fred Amir's book especially helpful, and have had some success with pbanishing my persistent headaches using 1)his visualization techniques and 2)his way of speaking to his unconscious as to a toddler.

The Benedictines work at centering their lives around BALANCE--of work, play, and prayer. I've always struggled with balance, but feel that I'm in a good place today.
Blessings!
 
Hey Forest
This is a great thread. Is there a way that you could code something here so that it stays forever at the beginning of the SEP forum with some sort of a "strongly urged to read" notice for people just beginning the TMS journey? I think most of us come here with the perfectionist in the driver's seat and no idea that it is possible to "work to hard" at anything!
 
Forest,

Your point in the video about always being 'activated' really resonated with me. My anxiety-rooted emotional patterns are so deeply ingrained from years and years of reinforcement that it is very easy to not be aware of the constant effort I put into keeping my mind occupied at all costs (i'm definitely somewhere on the OCD spectrum)...ironically, being unaware that I am so activated - deactivated, in a way. A constantly occupied mind means there is no need to let go and relinquish control! Staying 'activated' to me means constantly expending energy to keep myself from ever truly releasing these things, feeling them, letting go, allowing new feelings and experiences in. The awareness that comes with being 'deactivated', so to speak, is crucial to healing. The task of unlearning this, though, is daunting.
 
I can definitely see myself in this thread - I am super driven and want to do my best at the program - be the best journaler ever, LOL. and when I miss a day or two i beat myself up about it like it's going to crater my whole TMS recovery. I just went through a weekend and a really long and stressful business trip and on the flight home yesterday I was fighting with myself over my pain in my leg and knee (funny how my back doesn't hurt anymore). I think my pain settled there because it's the only place I never got an x-ray - all the docs thought my pain was referred and never looked at it seriously. My mind was just churning yesterday on the flight - between feeling the pain, trying to tell myself it was psychological and not physical then trying to "actively" ignore it. When I just relax and do something fun, see a movie, go to a restaurant, go for a walk, it's so much easier to forget and stop caring so much.
 
I have been doing the structured program for some time and yesterday I read a post of somebody that did it in a slow pace and healed at the end. I decided that I was going to slow down but it did not help me. I can very seldom stop thinking about my pain and circumstances because it has consumed my life. I have had fibromyalgia for almost 23 years and so it is part of my life. I am doing also Dr. Schubiners program and it helps me. Today I took a day off, went to the beach with a friend and when I came back I noticed that my neck pain increased tremendously, so in my situation I need to do it every day. I also want to think everyday of the causes of my pain. Before I started this healing I never thought that my environment, family, friends, discussion, childhood etc. could influence my pain or healing, so I try to consciously think about it when I talk to my family, when I get upset, when I am worried etc. I have no choice but make these observations and it can never be too much. I also do other activities of course and continue with my daily life but it has not been too much, especially because I read a lot about it and can approach it from a very healthy standpoint. This website is wonderful in supporting us and giving us information, testimonies etc. I am doing it alone and it is a big help.
 
Madura,
Why did you decide to slow down? Was it because you thought this was the "right" way for you to heal, after you read that other post? Or do you think it might just be better for you to go slower?

In my opinion if you're just trying to figure out what to do in order to heal faster, you're just feeding into the strain and distraction of TMS. Some people do the SEP every day; some people do two days in one; some people space it out over three months. You need to do what feels right for you, not for your pain to go away but for you to feel better and more balanced.

When I started the SEP I was doing one a day. But after a couple of weeks I found it to be too much--the journaling was very upsetting and I found I needed to take breaks in between. So the last three weeks of the program I spread out over more days. I still journal but probably only one really in-depth journaling session per week. More than that is just too much. I'm not trying to find any magical hidden treasure that will make me better. I'm just practicing staying in touch with my emotional side.

23 years is a long time, but I believe you can do it. Keep working on trying to feel your emotions and you're bound to improve.
 
gailnyc said:
Madura,
Why did you decide to slow down? Was it because you thought this was the "right" way for you to heal, after you read that other post? Or do you think it might just be better for you to go slower?

Hi Gail,
When I realized that this person healed at the end I thought that if I follow the same path it would happen to me too, but I agree with you that I need to figure out what works best for me. I do need to at least read about tms, testimonials etc. The forums are very helpful.
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Madura said:
Today I took a day off, went to the beach with a friend and when I came back I noticed that my neck pain increased tremendously, so in my situation I need to do it every day.
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Am I understanding correctly that your symptoms increased tremendously when you returned from your outing? If that is the case it sounds like it was more likely the result of programming than having taken time off for yourself. My guess is that you are like most of us, when your symptoms are worse you stay home and avoid others as much as you can. The programming becomes, I'm home, I must have symptoms, and there they are.
Madura said:
I also want to think everyday of the causes of my pain. Before I started this healing I never thought that my environment, family, friends, discussion, childhood etc. could influence my pain or healing, so I try to consciously think about it when I talk to my family, when I get upset, when I am worried etc. I have no choice but make these observations and it can never be too much.
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Actually, I would disagree with this. According to your post you've had symptoms for 23 years. That's a lot of time NOT thinking psychologically. Please be very careful telling yourself things like you've written here, you are putting a HUGE amount of pressure on yourself, and pressure is quite likely one of the main reasons the symptoms developed. When you think about the drastic difference between NOT thinking psychologically for 23 years to the complete 180 degree change of "have no choice but to make these observations, it can never be too much", you'd have to be some kind of super hero to pull that off. The mindbody as a whole mind and body is VERY deserving of breaks, that's when it heals. All that pressure may result in prolonging the symptoms so please be careful with it.
 
Hi Leslie,
I agree with you, I have to learn to take it easy. In all the years I had the symptoms I was always looking for a solution by myself. I never believed the doctors and I knew from the beginning that they did not know what my problem was. I could function for many years doing meditation but after my child was born it got really bad, then I started going to doctors and my symptoms worsened. I decided to look for an emotional cause after doing the optimal diet (high fat, moderate protein, low carb and some supplements) for 1 year. I did see a lot of other improvement but not the relief of pain. Luckily I found Dr Sarno's book and later looking through Youtube I found tmswiki.org. Thank you for your answer.
 
The TMS personality tends to always find ways to increase the pressure we put on ourselves. We have this fear that if we don't do something the right way, everything will fall apart. A huge part of this approach is about finding ways to reduce pressure and emotional tensions in our lives, which starts with learning to be kind to ourselves. Yes, thinking psychologically is an important part of TMS, but it takes time to make the full transition. This is a completely new way to view your symptoms. It is okay if takes time to get there.

By the way, a great place to start for anyone is to read through Leslie's posts. She has a tremendous amount of wisdom to offer anyone doing this approach. :)
 
Great video, Forest.
Sarno says in Healing Back Pain not to spend too much time trying to heal TMS in each day. We can overload our minds. I turn off my mind about TMS healing at least halfway through a day and especially, at least two hours before beddy-bye, I don't look at my email and turn off the computer. I watch a funny movie on tv or one of my DVDs, or listen to relaxing music, and try to let my mind relax. Or I play a DVD I have called "Stress Relief for Life" by a hypnotherapist, Susan Hepburn. It's very relaxing. After spending some hours on TMS healing, I like the advice of James Thurber who said "Let your mind alone." Haha.
 
Great video, Forest, and also the postings of other members.

I think we can spend too much time each day working on healing our TMS pain. Dr. Sarno suggests we do not
over-do our time spent on his 12 Daily Reminders so that it becomes a ritual. If we spend most of our time each day and night on trying to find reasons for our TMS and relieve our pain, we're not spending enough time on being happy and enjoying our life. That makes us live more in the past and not in the present moment which is more healthful.

I try to relax at least two hours before beddy-bye. I don't look at my email and in fact I turn off my computer. I spend some time in meditation and mindfulness (living in the present moment), listen to soothing music (mostly classical or calming music for meditation that may be just soothing sounds). I also try to spend some time reading the Bible and praying and thanking God for the good things He has given me. Or I watch a movie (a funny one on tv or in my DVD collection, not one that is violent or about problems).

In general, I try to take the advice of my favorite writer of humor, James Thurber, and one of his books which he called "Let Your Mind Alone." I try to let my mind alone at least two hours before bedtime.
 
P.S.
And during the day and especially in the two hours before bedtime, I try to think of something to laugh at.
Even if the movie I'm watching is really not funny, I pretend it is and laugh. I even laugh while driving in
heavy traffic. My subconscious doesn't know I'm pretending. My laughing registers as laughing.
As Dr. Sarno says, "By laughing at or ignoring the pain, you are teaching the brain to send new messages to the muscles."
 
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