Day 3~Question To Ponder: When was the last time you exercised or did another physical activity? What was this activity? How did it make you feel physically and emotionally? If it is has been a while since you last exercised, why? The two physical activities I enjoy most are walking and swimming. Before the SI I was walking 45-60 minutes daily year round (including in our -35F winter weather). This all ended four years ago after visiting a Medical Institute in the Baja's (and spending over $7000 for diagnosis and detox program) where my hip 'popped out' during a swedish massage session. I have been unable to walk consistently since that time. I may be able to walk for a few days and then the hip starts going and I can't sleep. So I quit walking, let it rest and try again. I've been in this cycle for 4 years and 2 months. All medical tests and various health care professionals I've consulted have not identified any physiological cause for the hip pain. I last walked on May 27th! On May 28th my right knee was bugging me because I wanted to keep walking I decided to try a knee support. On the morning of the 29th I put the support on my knee and within a couple hours my knee 'went out'. I ended up using crutches to get around that day as I couldn't put weight on my knee. This was when I began to re-read Healing Back Pain. I was inspired to remove the knee support and decided to ditch the crutches as it was obvious that this was TMS issue. I have had several painful days and going up and down the stairs to do laundry (multiple times a day) has been difficult but I felt I needed to push through. Up until a couple days ago my knee was regularly 'buckling' and I was cautious in movement. Although I still feel some residual weakness, I am hopeful to start walking in the next couple days. The past 24 hours we have had tonnes of rain and wild winds but once the storm passes I hope to get outside and do a short walk. I haven't had a swim in several months as I've not had a vehicle. The pool I use is about a 1/2 hour drive from our town (we do have an outdoor pool which is open now until the end of August, but it is heavily chlorinated which I don't like). My husband's new work car arrived last week, so we are back up to 3 vehicles. This week I plan to get to the rec center at least twice. I LOVE swimming and always feel so great after a swim! Day 4~Question To Ponder: What was the most disheartening thing a doctor has told you about your symptoms? In what ways have you kept that in your mind? This is interesting for me to ponder. The most disheartening thing(s) I've been told by doctors are: (1) "these symptoms are some weird psycho-somatic manifestation and not physiological in origin." This from a neurologist I saw some 17 years ago when this dis-ease began, and, (2) "we have done every test possible, all your results are normal. Have you considered that your pain and various physical complaints are being caused by spiritual &/or emotional issues?" This just recently from my MD of 17 years who has been a constant support for me. When I consulted with the Neurologist some 17 years ago and he made this statement I was devastated. How dare he suggest that my pain and debilitation was 'all in my mind'. He lacked professionalism and empathy in communicating. He made it very clear that he felt I was wasting his time and told me to go find a Psychiatrist and get some Lithium. More than disheartening, I was devastated by this 'diagnosis' as I was hoping for a treatment and cure. My doctor's recent comments about the link between spiritual/emotional health and physical health was disheartening as I've invested thousands of hours and tens of thousands of dollars (if not more) into trying various therapies to 'heal' my body. She commented on my 'obsession' with my physical state and what the impact has been in regard to simply living life. I was hurt by her words and felt betrayed and I immediately began to investigate other doctors and therapies, thinking I needed to find someone new who might be able to help me. Today I feel grateful for these God-incidents and see that they were truly signposts on my journey pointing to TMS and this forum. It's amazing to me that two of my most disheartening moments regarding my health were in reality moments of truth and now give me great hope that I can be free from chronic pain! I am inspired that God has His healing hand on me as I move forward in the program.