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Day 10 Can't express the anger w/the person

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Deb, Mar 19, 2013.

  1. Deb

    Deb New Member

    Day 10 exercise instructs to write a letter to someone. Most of my journal writing stems around my mother. Although she is alive, there is no way to discuss anything with her. I have tried, brought her to therapy, etc. but I have grown to accept her limitations. I am thankful I have a hubby who understands this. But when I have worked on healing the wounds she created, the anger still is there. She put myself and sister in danger as young children and lucky we did not endure more than we did. What do you do with the anger?
     
  2. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Even with all my awareness now I don't know how much anger I can express. It is very difficult for me to do. I, too, can never express it to my Mother. I see her several times each week because of her aging issues.

    When I think of something I am angry about then journal, I find when writing I am significantly more angry then I even realized. So the journaling helps me get it out of my insides, out of my body. I will be journaling the rest of my life.

    I also took an old dish towel wacking everything not breakable for 5 minutes with each arm. I did it when alone crying and screaming at my Mother asking her why she had hurt me so much. Telling her "I was so loveable. How could you not love me?" 10 minutes is a long time and physically exhausting. It did help to get it out. I felt a little more pain release.
     
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  3. Deb

    Deb New Member

    Oh gosh Stella... I am so right with you. The aging issues have also got in the way. How could I fight with an 82 year old woman? Ugh. And I, like you, so darn loveable. They don't even know what they have missed. Thanks for the tips, I will continue to journal to gain perspective.
     
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  4. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thank you, to you definitely loveable gals for having this conversation - it's hitting me where I need to take a look. Keep up the GREAT work.

    Jan
     
  5. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    I don't think we necessarily have to turn our anger into actions. The main step for so many of us is to simply recognize that we are in fact angry. I do think journaling can also help us release a lot of these emotions. As Stella even mentioned, writing about your anger can really let you understand how much emotions you truly have. I think that is really the main point with journaling. It is not so much to resolve every little issue, but more of a way for us to understand that we do have these emotions.

    One counter-example to this though is that a couple of months ago I was at a family gathering and I did in fact yell at my father. It felt really good to express my anger and frustration at him, and interestingly the pain in my jaw I was having went away.
     
    Karen likes this.
  6. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Good for you Forest yelling at your Father.

    I do find in some situations I can speak up. I am taking baby steps. I am surprising myself.
     
    Karen likes this.
  7. Lori

    Lori Well known member

    Yes, I agree with WRITING out your angry feelings. Or even speaking them out. It needs to come out of you.

    I FEEL ANGRY that. . . and let it spew uncensored.

    Don't underestimate the power of this exercise!

    When you are finished with the session, remember to find something positive to lift yourself if you need to. Even a simple "I am ready to heal this" or "it feels right to be getting this off me now" something along those lines can create a shift you can actually feel.

    It is also possible that after you do some therapeutic writing, your feelings toward her may adjust into acceptance of how she is.

    Best wishes!
     
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  8. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    I'm hoping that my journaling is helping with my anger. My parents are both deceased,and for many years I did harbor a lot of anger. But I've come to the conclusion that they did the best that they could. They were dealing with alcoholic parents, and thus didn't have the best role models. I hope my daughter can one day say that she feels I did the best I could too.

    My current anger issues revolve around my husband and daughter. I love both intensely, but they are each taking actions that I feel are harmful to themselves or to me. I can say these things to them, and have. That doesn't change the situation, though!

    I am pain free today, which I find amazing! I recognized TMS as the cause of my back pain in 1996, and was successful in banishing it. Two years ago I began a very painful bout with plantar fasciitis that eventually put me in a wheelchair. I had migraines and rotator cuff pain as well. It was only last week that I realized that this could be TMS too, and I've been pain free for a week! Today I swam, and even wore shoes without orthotics to church. I've also discarded my special neck pillow, and no longer feel compelled to sleep on my back. Baby steps, but I AM SO GRATEFUL!!
     
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  9. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    Gigi--that is amazing! Sounds like you are really making progress!
     
  10. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    Gigi - You are doing great! Connecting the dots to TMS can be challenging, but it shows that you are gaining a grasp on what TMS is.

    As for the anger at your family, there is probably something to this. Part of the reason we develop TMS is due to our need to be in control. We have a deep fear that if things are not perfect, then something terrible will happen. Don't get me wrong here, it is perfectly okay to be angry when your family members do not listen to you. It is a very frustrating thing. But also, try to understand why it makes you angry. The why is always more important than what the emotion is.

    Dealing with anger is always one of the most challenging things to do. On one hand we want to allow ourselves to be angry, because we do not want to repress our emotions, but on the other hand when our anger ramps up, we only increase tension in our bodies and become more activated. Feeling our emotions is key, but letting them activate us will only increase our anxiety and fuel our symptoms. The goal is to feel the emotion, and let it simply wash over you. Recognize that it is there, but don't dwell on it or react to it. It is very easy to let anger and rage ramp us up, and lead us to thinking negatively.
     
    Gigi likes this.
  11. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Thanks for the encouragement, Forest. I am doing well, but my subconscious is apparently not very happy about that! I've had horrible headaches for the past 4 days. It's definitely TMS--as evidenced by the fact that the pain switches locations from right side to left and back again--but I can't seem to shake it. I bought Fred Amir's book and am working along those lines. I must have the most stubborn subconscious on the planet! I did swim again yesterday though, and worked out on the machines in the gym the day before.
     
  12. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    Good words Forest. I have never felt my emotions particularly anger. They moved from my mind into my body in a nanosecond. Now I am trying to be aware of the anger. When I journal I can get tons of anger out on the paper. Anger I didn't have a clue I felt to the extent i did. I have a lot of work to do on this anger business. Journaling is so important to me.
     

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