Day 10 Can't express the anger w/the person

Day 10 exercise instructs to write a letter to someone. Most of my journal writing stems around my mother. Although she is alive, there is no way to discuss anything with her. I have tried, brought her to therapy, etc. but I have grown to accept her limitations. I am thankful I have a hubby who understands this. But when I have worked on healing the wounds she created, the anger still is there. She put myself and sister in danger as young children and lucky we did not endure more than we did. What do you do with the anger?

 

Even with all my awareness now I don't know how much anger I can express. It is very difficult for me to do. I, too, can never express it to my Mother. I see her several times each week because of her aging issues.

When I think of something I am angry about then journal, I find when writing I am significantly more angry then I even realized. So the journaling helps me get it out of my insides, out of my body. I will be journaling the rest of my life.

I also took an old dish towel wacking everything not breakable for 5 minutes with each arm. I did it when alone crying and screaming at my Mother asking her why she had hurt me so much. Telling her "I was so loveable. How could you not love me?" 10 minutes is a long time and physically exhausting. It did help to get it out. I felt a little more pain release.

 

Oh gosh Stella... I am so right with you. The aging issues have also got in the way. How could I fight with an 82 year old woman? Ugh. And I, like you, so darn loveable. They don't even know what they have missed. Thanks for the tips, I will continue to journal to gain perspective.

 

Thank you, to you definitely loveable gals for having this conversation - it's hitting me where I need to take a look. Keep up the GREAT work.

Jan

 

Good for you Forest yelling at your Father.

I do find in some situations I can speak up. I am taking baby steps. I am surprising myself.

 

Yes, I agree with WRITING out your angry feelings. Or even speaking them out. It needs to come out of you.

I FEEL ANGRY that. . . and let it spew uncensored.

Don't underestimate the power of this exercise!

When you are finished with the session, remember to find something positive to lift yourself if you need to. Even a simple "I am ready to heal this" or "it feels right to be getting this off me now" something along those lines can create a shift you can actually feel.

It is also possible that after you do some therapeutic writing, your feelings toward her may adjust into acceptance of how she is.

Best wishes!

 

I'm hoping that my journaling is helping with my anger. My parents are both deceased,and for many years I did harbor a lot of anger. But I've come to the conclusion that they did the best that they could. They were dealing with alcoholic parents, and thus didn't have the best role models. I hope my daughter can one day say that she feels I did the best I could too.

My current anger issues revolve around my husband and daughter. I love both intensely, but they are each taking actions that I feel are harmful to themselves or to me. I can say these things to them, and have. That doesn't change the situation, though!

I am pain free today, which I find amazing! I recognized TMS as the cause of my back pain in 1996, and was successful in banishing it. Two years ago I began a very painful bout with plantar fasciitis that eventually put me in a wheelchair. I had migraines and rotator cuff pain as well. It was only last week that I realized that this could be TMS too, and I've been pain free for a week! Today I swam, and even wore shoes without orthotics to church. I've also discarded my special neck pillow, and no longer feel compelled to sleep on my back. Baby steps, but I AM SO GRATEFUL!!

 

Gigi--that is amazing! Sounds like you are really making progress!

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Forest. I am doing well, but my subconscious is apparently not very happy about that! I've had horrible headaches for the past 4 days. It's definitely TMS--as evidenced by the fact that the pain switches locations from right side to left and back again--but I can't seem to shake it. I bought Fred Amir's book and am working along those lines. I must have the most stubborn subconscious on the planet! I did swim again yesterday though, and worked out on the machines in the gym the day before.

 

Good words Forest. I have never felt my emotions particularly anger. They moved from my mind into my body in a nanosecond. Now I am trying to be aware of the anger. When I journal I can get tons of anger out on the paper. Anger I didn't have a clue I felt to the extent i did. I have a lot of work to do on this anger business. Journaling is so important to me.