Tried a new way of journaling: it’s good!

Diana-M

Diana-M

Beloved Grand Eagle
Hi!

I’m a big fan of journaling. I’m literally learning more about myself from journaling than I ever thought possible. Anyway, a technique I found on the wiki by @AndrewMillerMFT looked interesting and I tried it. It was Really good!

Per Andrew’s instructions, I come to find out (in my imagination) my TMS looks like the Michelin man and he’s made up of semi-hardened concrete holding my legs down. (My legs are where most of my symptoms are. My legs are numb and unable to move well.)

I had the conversation with the Michelan man (my TMS brain) and he was quite hostile and basically says if he doesn’t hold me back I can’t be trusted to keep myself safe. He listed all the scenarios where I have exposed myself to abusive or painful scenarios. And I had to agree, because I rarely know what I feel and I people-please as a default. These people are mainly friends and relatives that I feel I can’t say no to, because that’s just “not right” (goodism).

So after I let the Michilan man explain this, I decided I should let him know I understand. I then journaled out each separate scenario where I am regularly presented with a bad experience and how I should respond to defend myself, instead of always automatically saying “yes.” I did this in a conversational method. For example, my sister is an abusive narcissist. She always wants to visit me. Since I’ve had TMS, I just say “No, I can’t walk very well right now.” Problem solved.

So for my exercise, I wrote out my answer and acted it out with my sister as if she wanted to visit and my legs are fine. What I would say in response to her, step by step. And it wasn’t easy. It won’t be easy. But I think I’m going to practice it so I can easily say it when put on the spot.

I went through about 8 other scenarios with other people. I’m going to get this down pat. I went through past scenarios where I didn’t defend myself and I rewrote them, with me clearly and firmly defending my boundary. It actually felt great! I told my TMS brain that it doesn’t need to protect me anymore. I’m going to really focus on this some more and learn how to say no and how to defend myself.

I have to say, as I wrote out these trial runs on defending myself, I realized how little excuse you really need to give. You mostly just need to be firm. Convey you don’t want to, politely but firmly. I mean, it’s me or them. Why am I suffering right now? To avoid them? No. This has to stop.

@Alan Gordon LCSW says people-pleasing isn’t really about pleasing people at all. It’s about avoiding guilt and confrontation.
 
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@Diana-M, you continue to awe and amaze me. I LOVE this. You go, girl! dancea
XO

PS, have you noticed that I sometimes describe the locked-down traumatized brain as being under a layer of cement? Maybe I'm onto something...)
 
JanAtheCPA said:
@Diana-M, you continue to awe and amaze me. I LOVE this. You go, girl! dancea
XO

PS, have you noticed that I sometimes describe the locked-down traumatized brain as being under a layer of cement? Maybe I'm onto something...)
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Thank you, Jan! Your support has been huge for me, along with the other healing gurus on this wiki. I can’t say how much I’ve been learning! Every week it’s something new. The journaling for me is really helping! Haha! Yes, you may well be onto something with the cement!
 
Diana-M said:
Hi!

I’m a big fan of journaling. I’m literally learning more about myself from journaling than I ever thought possible. Anyway, a technique I found on the wiki by @AndrewMillerMFT looked interesting and I tried it. It was Really good!

Per Andrew’s instructions, I come to find out (in my imagination) my TMS looks like the Michelin man and he’s made up of semi-hardened concrete holding my legs down. (My legs are where most of my symptoms are. My legs are numb and unable to move well.)

I had the conversation with the Michelan man (my TMS brain) and he was quite hostile and basically says if he doesn’t hold me back I can’t be trusted to keep myself safe. He listed all the scenarios where I have exposed myself to abusive or painful scenarios. And I had to agree, because I rarely know what I feel and I people-please as a default. These people are mainly friends and relatives that I feel I can’t say no to, because that’s just “not right” (goodism).

So after I let the Michilan man explain this, I decided I should let him know I understand. I then journaled out each separate scenario where I am regularly presented with a bad experience and how I should respond to defend myself, instead of always automatically saying “yes.” I did this in a conversational method. For example, my sister is an abusive narcissist. She always wants to visit me. Since I’ve had TMS, I just say “No, I can’t walk very well right now.” Problem solved.

So for my exercise, I wrote out my answer and acted it out with my sister as if she wanted to visit and my legs are fine. What I would say in response to her, step by step. And it wasn’t easy. It won’t be easy. But I think I’m going to practice it so I can easily say it when put on the spot.

I went through about 8 other scenarios with other people. I’m going to get this down pat. I went through past scenarios where I didn’t defend myself and I rewrote them, with me clearly and firmly defending my boundary. It actually felt great! I told my TMS brain that it doesn’t need to protect me anymore. I’m going to really focus on this some more and learn how to say no and how to defend myself.

I have to say, as I wrote out these trial runs on defending myself, I realized how little excuse you really need to give. You mostly just need to be firm. Convey you don’t want to, politely but firmly. I mean, it’s me or them. Why am I suffering right now? To avoid them? No. This has to stop.

@Alan Gordon LCSW says people-pleasing isn’t really about pleasing people at all. It’s about avoiding guilt and confrontation.
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Right on!
That's a remarkable break through. Symptoms can definitely serve the purpose of being our excuse not to do something.


Years ago I realized if I was asked or invited to do something I didn't want to do I could simply say, "No thank you."
No explanations, no excuses, no lies. Just No Thank You. Sometimes I'll add a "but thanks, though."
If the person persists, "No, thanks. I'll pass on that."
What a revelation that you don't have to have a reason why. Such a good feeling. No thank you.
 
I learned some years ago (from where I can't recall) that providing "reasons" gives the other person an opportunity to argue against you position by invalidating your reasons. The more reasons you try to come up with, the weaker your position becomes.

Whereas "I don't want to" or just plain "No, but thank you" is a position of strength, and one that is extremely hard to argue with!
 
JanAtheCPA said:
I learned some years ago (from where I can't recall) that providing "reasons" gives the other person an opportunity to argue against you position by invalidating your reasons. The more reasons you try to come up with, the weaker your position becomes.

Whereas "I don't want to" or just plain "No, but thank you" is a position of strength, and one that is extremely hard to argue with!
Click to expand...

That's so true.
It's so surprising when you say, "No thank you" and that is the end of it.
 
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