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Today was interesting day 3

Crissyxox

Crissyxox

Peer Supporter
Hi everyone. I continue to have success in resuming all physical activity ( bending forward (yay!!!), being in the car and driving , sitting with fam for dinner, opening heavy doors, carrying my son to name a few.

So...I have been hugely celebrating every success. I found today my pain was higher. I continued to do these things but was a little more distracted by my pain today and had to keep bringing myself back to tms thinking to conquer the pain. All in all it was exhausting. Totally exhausted tonight. I know the answer already, but....this sounds about right, right? I'm still on track....
 
Feel like I've had a similar day. I also had more pain and had to keep reminding myself to focus on emotions. As you said it's very exhausting. It's great to be more physical again and to break some of the fear. Keep it up Chrissy I know we're on the right track!
 
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Chrissy - that's awesome that you stuck with it and rode the roller coaster. I personally often obsess and feel overwhelmed with the pain or the emotions tied to the pain. I'm realizing that remembering quotes, like your awesome Martin Luther King one, can be a great reassurance during moments of intense pain.

We know from TMS that when our pain is severe, it's connected to something emotional. I notice that my pain increases when people start droning on about something that I think I already know about. I tend not to say anything in these situations and that's precisely when my jaw pain can become especially severe. I feel frustrated and annoyed, but I'm not expressing or even acknowledging what I feel.

So what emotions are you present to through that pain?
 
Hi Crissyxox,

Yes, you are on the right track. You've had wonderful successes lately. You are being called now to hone what you have gained into "less concern with symptoms." You do this by building on the new knowledge/direct experience of no pain when doing things that used to cause you pain. You review the evidence you have about your breakthroughs, large and small, observe the fear that is generated by pain, and begin to treat the fear as another TMS symptom. Just another distraction. This is building a new "muscle" over time. All part of TMS work. Good Luck!

Andy B.
 
Andy! That's such a cool idea...I thought about my fear this morning as another distraction. Interesting perspective.

Thanks Laughalot. I'm glad that quote spoke to you the way it did me. I actually used that quote last night to fight through some pain. Great insight into ourselves for sure. To try to answer your question laughalot.....I think I have a lot of anger towards my childhood and the people I felt neglected to keep me safe and comfort me like a child should be. I am present to a lot of fear ( Which I know is not an emotion but merely a distraction or reaction to the emotion). I noticed a pattern with myself though....when I start to feel an emotion it quickly changes to anxiety or emptiness and then obviously pain. It's crazy how our brain works.

Thank you guys. It's such great affirmation when other people get you. You know?
 
Great inspirational message, Andy!

Definitely get what you mean, Crissy. It's why I like this forum! I have similar childhood experiences to you, I was just journaling about it today! It's amazing how one memory of being betrayed or left to fend for myself is connected to so many other points in my life. It's like that one event is the center of a vast web of memories.

Is fear really not an emotion?
 
Hi Laughalot and Crizzyoxo,

Here is a great article on dealing with fear. There is no magic cure, I guess. I see it as a TMS symptom, because Dr. Sarno said fear of pain was a greater distraction than the pain. Witnessing, which is developed through mindfulness practices, helps...
I also see it as an emotion that needs to be explored with empathy.
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.182/#post-54456
 
Hi, laughalot. I may have written to you about it before, but if I haven't, I relate to your feelings from childhood. My parents divorced when I was seven and it left me with feelings of insecurity which I believe caused most of my severe back pain in later years. Journaling helped me to understand my parents better and that they divorced over financial difficulties. So what did I do? After half of my 85 years working on newspapers and magazines, I began fulltime freelance writing. That's as financially unstable an occupation as there can be. But I've been happy freelancing and earning enough to survive each month.
I love the independence of it. But I always feel like I'm near to being a street person. I've learned that I am in a very big boat regarding that, and just laugh it off.
 
Hmmmm. I guess I see my fear as a distraction just a step before the pain. In my head I think my real emotions come first (anger, sadness etc) - then I get fear - then pain -then fear of the pain etc. But yes, I can totally see it as an emotion. That's probably why when I ask myself what I am feeling I often get fear as the answer.

It made me so sad to read that you feel like your childhood is similar to mine but I don't often feel empathy for myself for it. I'm working on it. :)

Laugh a lot do you feel like you have worked through some of your feelings re your childhood but you have to revisit them? I'm not far into into this to know for sure yet.

I hope you are doing well today,...

Crissy
 
Walt Oleksy said:
After half of my 85 years working on newspapers and magazines, I began fulltime freelance writing. That's as financially unstable an occupation as there can be. But I've been happy freelancing and earning enough to survive each month. I love the independence of it. But I always feel like I'm near to being a street person. I've learned that I am in a very big boat regarding that, and just laugh it off.
Click to expand...
I'm currently underemployed, and trying to figure out what to do with myself. Sitting in front of the computer all day mulling over job postings hasn't been all that much fun, or that successful. Maybe I should freelance too? ;)

Crissyxox said:
It made me so sad to read that you feel like your childhood is similar to mine but I don't often feel empathy for myself for it. I'm working on it. :)

Laugh a lot do you feel like you have worked through some of your feelings re your childhood but you have to revisit them? I'm not far into into this to know for sure yet.
Click to expand...

As you look into your childhood memories, maybe it's worth trying to see what gets in the way of having empathy for yourself! I do revisit my childhood memories (but mostly because I'm doing SEP). And I also struggle with having empathy for myself. I have found perspective taking really helpful. When I'm down on myself, it's usually for some perceived mistake I've made. I use extreme language like, "How could I make myself vulnerable by acting like that in front of my friend? I am the WORST. I am a total idiot. I am worthless. I am a complete joke." In the end, it's pretty self-centered self-talk (and comical in how extreme it is). As in, there's no space for anyone else in the language. First of all, my friend probably doesn't care as much as I do about my actions.

I remind myself that I'm not Sauron, but a human being, and that hundreds of millions of other people just like me feel this way sometimes. This is a human feeling, and I can take pride in the fact that I am most definitely not the uniquely worst total idiot in the world.

Andy makes a really good point:
Here is a great article on dealing with fear. There is no magic cure, I guess. I see it as a TMS symptom, because Dr. Sarno said fear of pain was a greater distraction than the pain. Witnessing, which is developed through mindfulness practices, helps...
I also see it as an emotion that needs to be explored with empathy.
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.182/#post-54456
Click to expand...
Fear, like all emotion, isn't just going to go away as a result of doing SEP. We'll be aware of the things which trigger our emotional responses, and have more control over how we decide to respond.
 
Crissyxox said:
I think I've made fear the most dominant force in my life. Over everything. I've got a lot of work to do.
Click to expand...

I'd recommend that you learn how to meditate, it will help you become more aware without passing judgement. It will also help you learn how to not react to your inner child, be overwhelmed or feel hopeless when you are working through the TMS program.
 
Ya??? I think I came to that conclusion yesterday when I was trying to work through something and it became clear to me why so many people find that helpful. I think it will help me too. What do you use to guide you,???
 
Hi, Laughalot. You're out of work and looking for a job, so maybe yes try freelance writing. It isn't easy, but maybe call any newspapers and magazines or book publishers in your area and see if they need any help writing, editing. Best to email and not phone them.

Crissy, I like the meditation videos on Youtube.

I've done some reading about Transcendental Meditation and some say it's a great way to meditate but you don't need to pay big bucks to a guru to get a mantra, you can make up your own. Do a google search for TM at wikipedia to learn more about it. It seems to be just sitting quiet and saying a mantra silent or aloud while thinking of just the mantra and being in the present moment.
 
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