1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this link: http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram
    Dismiss Notice

TMS FROM EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Tabathafromnj, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. Tabathafromnj

    Tabathafromnj Peer Supporter

    I found this board today when I was on Google looking for another solution to my present health problems and it lead me to this board. I could not believe it when I found postings with people who have had TMS symptoms of back pain and hair loss like I have had and are also finding a cure.This is hopeful! I have hopefully beat the back pain last year so I don't worry about that any more and am trying now to stop the hair fall. I have been losing my hair myself for 6 months but have no family history or nutritional or vitamin problems or other serious conditions to cause this. I had a battery of tests which concluded that I had hair fall only because of stress. I have not had many stressful or traumatic events out of the ordinary so my primary care Doctor is at a loss to explain it except to say it happens sometimes.

    I think it is TMS. It may be a way of hiding my feelings and guilt and shame from starting a romantic affair with a much older married man (I am in my 40's and he is in his 60's). My hair started to fall out right at the same time my friendship with this man turned romantic so that is why I think it is related to TMS. I am not consciously aware of deep shame or fear feelings consciously because of the affair, but maybe my body is trying to distract me from self hatred, fear and emotions about the affair that are too painful to feel consciously like it says in all the TMS books. All of the repressed emotions. I have not been able to see this man ever since my hair started to come out because it has become very noticeable and I am afraid he would not be attracted to me if he saw what I looked like now. So I avoid him. I want to know if the hair fall is a way of my body protecting me from what my mind is unable to do, that is seeing this man. As long as my hair falls out more I will not see him. We have continued our online chatting, emailing many times each day on Facebook. My friends say that is an "emotional affair" and I can feel bad about that and as long as I continue emailing with him my hair fall wont stop. I do feel bad about myself for being so needy and lacking self respect by Facebook emailing with him so much. It can feel degrading and embarrassing sometimes.

    I am Feeling unattractive on the outside, maybe cuz I am really feeling so ugly on the inside from my behavior with this affair.

    I know it is TMS. I am glad to have found this healing community.

    Signed Tabatha from NJ
     
  2. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Tabathafromnj)- I found this board today when I was on Google looking for another solution to my present health problems.

    Eric)- You cant be obsessing on the net trying to find other reasons for this hair loss except stress ok, the DR confirmed it, you've been in some situations like all of us and now tms which is stress is sending out signals of despair- saying get back in balance, get back to being 1 with life again - start to live happy again and accomplish your life's goal. We just have to get you back into balance with the harmony of your nervous system through understanding what is happening to your body to create these symptoms- you need to start the SEP program which will unravel this trivia ok- http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Structured_Educational_Program
    Its fun work and easy to do and its the cure you need. Your probably subconsciously angry, mad and sad you just don't fell it consciously. In the program you will learn how to feel it consciously through journaling with awareness and other fun to do stuff.
    Then as you grow and learn Try the TRP or Alan Gordon's Program here- http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program
    This program will really get to the unconscious on a good level that you can understand what your mind is doing consciously and stop all the motional chatter that is giving you pain.

    Tabathafromnj)- I could not believe it when I found postings with people who have had TMS symptoms of back pain and hair loss like I have had and are also finding a cure.This is hopeful! I have hopefully beat the back pain last year so I don't worry about that any more and am trying now to stop the hair fall. I have been losing my hair myself for 6 months but have no family history or nutritional or vitamin problems or other serious conditions to cause this. I had a battery of tests which concluded that I had hair fall only because of stress. I have not had many stressful or traumatic events out of the ordinary so my primary care Doctor is at a loss to explain it except to say it happens sometimes.

    Eric)- You had the bad relationship issue- that creates tms- coming back into harmony with relationship to life in general will be your cure. You cant be angry at yourself anymore, love yourself more. Be mindful of your day and reactions to your days as times passes by using mindfulness meditation- You can learn to do it from here.- http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Mindfulness_Meditation

    I think it is TMS. It may be a way of hiding my feelings and guilt and shame from starting a romantic affair with a much older married man (I am in my 40's and he is in his 60's).

    Eric)- This is the answer to your issues. You have to forgive yourself and let go of emotions attached here ok.
     
  3. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Tabatha,
    I have come to learn that TMS is caused not only from repressed emotions, but also from emotional conflict. When we feel both negative and positive emotions simultaneously from our actions (or the actions of others), that is fertile ground for TMS to develop. Your description of your current situation sounds very conflicted--you want the relationship and it fills some of your emotional needs, but you also feel guilty about it. Your theory about your hair loss being a way that your body is protecting you is interesting. I'm not sure about that, but your unconscious brain is definitely sending you a signal that something is wrong.

    I wish you insight and wisdom, and I agree with Herbie that you must be kind and loving to yourself in the process.
     
    plum likes this.
  4. Tabathafromnj

    Tabathafromnj Peer Supporter

    Dear Eric and Ellen,

    You confirmed what I thought. The bad feelings from the bad relationship are coming out in TMS and symptoms , which is a signal something is wrong. When I had my back pain I remember I had deep emotional conflict about a relationship I was in at the time with a different person, but could not break away from. I knew I was not in love with that man, but I was not financially able to be on my own so I stayed in that relationship. I felt I had to and then my backpain started, keeping me physically and emotionally at a distance from that man and hiding my deep feelings of disgust and fear from the pressure of having to stay and be intimate with a man I was not even attracted to. My whole life then was focused on back pain and finding a cure!

    And now I seem to experience the same thing. My current symptoms seem to guarantee my distance from this married man because I feel so unattractive, I would never want him to see me like this. It seems like my TMS is a way of avoidance from what I fear, intimacy in a very dangerous situation with a very wrong person. I am not really consciously feeling this and I am not feeling much guilt and shame and disgust from having an AFFAIR which is really disgusting on the surface, but maybe that is all there and my constant focus on my appearance and fear of all of the hair that falls is a method of distraction from all that.

    I have kept up the daily contact with him. Even though it is only through Facebook messages, I really start to examine the fact that if I were to stop the contact, the threat of having to be with him will go away and then the need for symptoms to keep me away from him will then no longer be necessary and just fade away.
     
  5. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Tab you have come up with a scenario that just might work-
    Although, I want you to know , even this scenario could create fear if you don't trust your gut.

    So im going to give some advice ok, I think you hit the repression on the nail
    But you will have to really pull in all your resources now and find happiness in yourself.
    Happiness can be manifested with habit and you can cultivate it.

    Learn to wake up and find something that motivates you,
    learn to say to yourself, I love me some me.
    Even though I might have this issue- I still fully , completely and unconditionally love myself.

    Their are many ways to cultivate happiness so make it a habit.
    If it sounds to hard right now , give it time with some practice and you'll reprogram.
    If you need some pointers, let me know- ill send you some articles that will help ok.

    one last thing As pioneer mind-body specialist John Sarno states:
    “As long as the patient believes there is something wrong with their back or other joint, the pain will hang around.”

    This is also true for the way we think about ourselves in general ok, so know you are beautiful and full of sunshine
    it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you, your number one and a very success minded number one
    so go and give yourself that success and don't hold back, you were born to be happy, be happy with the way God made you
    Your here with friends now, if you need those post to happiness let me know ok
    Bless you​
     
  6. Tabathafromnj

    Tabathafromnj Peer Supporter

    Yes, I would like the links to happiness!

    Eric said: “As long as the patient believes there is something wrong with their back or other joint, the pain will hang around.”
    This is also true for the way we think about ourselves in general ok, so know you are beautiful and full of sunshine -

    Me: What a great reminder! Thank you for saying that! I do not feel very pretty or beautiful these days. I read somewhere that our outsides are a reflection of how we feel inside, so it is no wonder I feel ugly on the outside amd that my own TMS is manifesting in a way that effects my looks so much. I feel ugly on the inside I guess from all my involvement with a MARRIED man. I am taking a guess. I am not very conscious of These feelings, but they must be there (and repressed and Unconscious) or I wouldn't have the TMS right?

    Mistress and TMS. Mistress and hair loss. I can see how they could all go together.
     
  7. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    I wouldn't say you are manifesting , your just feeling anxiety cause of your symptoms
    See its true when you believe something to be true, your perception of it that is
    it will seem to be true, so we can change this perception by learning the habit of happiness again
    Heres an article on it that I found

    The Happiness Factor

    How many times did something happen in your life when you were convinced you would never be happy again? When was the last time you were hit with myoneural pain and thought you would never be free of it again? When was the last time you were convinced that the MindBody program was baloney?

    And how did it happen that pain disappeared and happiness crept back in the door and all was well again, whether it was physical or psychological?

    Martin Seligman, Family Professor of Psychology and Director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and author of “Authentic Happiness (Free Press 2002), has spent decades researching positive psychology and argues that happiness can be practiced, obtained and mastered by minding our thoughts from moment to moment. Sounds like his decades of research support and/or reinforce the Tensior Myoneural Program.

    Research shows that we do have a happiness gene and that 50 percent of a person’s inclination for happiness is genetically determined. You actually have a “set point” for happiness just like you have a “set point” for body weight. “You can fluctuate within a range but it’s hard to go much higher or lower,” points out Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside and author of The How of Happiness (Penguin 2008), a book of strategies backed by scientific research that can be used to increase happiness. Only about 10 percent of your happiness is determined by circumstance. But according to Lyubomirsky, that leaves 40 percent that can be influenced by deliberate activities or strategies.

    Reprogramming your Thoughts and Emotions

    When physical or emotional negativity arises, you must act as your own therapist, refuting negative thoughts and views. When you catch yourself “catastrophizing” about an issue, stop the pessimistic thoughts in their tracks and reprogram what you’re telling yourself. For instance, if you begin to think, “I will live in pain for the rest of my life,” then you must take control and talk sense to yourself, such as, “Have I ever been free of pain? Yes. Is there something psychological going on that I need to look at? Perhaps. Is there anything seriously wrong with my body if I have MBS? No.”

    By arguing with yourself, you can separate fact from fiction. You can learn to disarm pessimism and free yourself from feelings of worthlessness, fatigue, fear, guilt, anger, anxiety, shame pain and other emotions and symptoms. You can control not only your moods but your pain levels. You can choose happiness over physical or psychological discomfort.

    “At first you might feel embarrassed or self-conscious to talk to yourself,” points out Dr. Howard Schubiner, author of Unlearn Your Pain (Mind Body Publishing 2010), “but I’ve found these affirmations to be amazingly successful for defeating MBS.”

    Continues Dr. Schubiner, “Tell your mind to stop producing the symptoms immediately. Do this with force and conviction, either out loud or silently. Take a few deep breaths and move on with what you’re doing.” If you are faced with constant, chronic pain, you will need to rebut your erroneous beliefs repeatedly. “Even if you don’t see results initially,” encourages Dr. Schubiner, “keep practicing–it may take some time to retrain your brain.” Remember, you are taking control of your life this way.

    Dan Baker, PhD, a medical psychologist, pioneer in positive psychology, and author of What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better (Rodale 2003), says a lot of people think you can’t manage emotion but that’s poppycock. “Happy people are very good at managing emotion,” he says. He lost his infant son and used his own techniques to put his personal grief in perspective. Happiness, he says, is the ability to practice appreciation and love. That might sound sappy, but studies show that when people engage in appreciative activity, they are using more neocortical, prefrontal functions–higher level brain functions.”

    The late professor Michael Argyle, a social psychologist who studied happiness and published The Social Psychology of Leisure (Penguin Books 1996), put forth the view that the best guarantee for long-term happiness was “serious leisure.” He advocated a hobby or activity that involved the “whole being” such as reading, music, travel or even housework “so long as the individual finds the activity challenging or absorbing.” I can understand this philosophy. I find when I’m engaged in an activity with my whole being, I am far less conscious of pain and stress. It’s very important for people with Mindbody disorders to engage in activities that bring pleasure. You must “get on” with your life rather than wallow in your pain and fear.

    Minding your thoughts from moment to moment can bring happiness. “We’ve found that happy people tend to be more creative, productive, charitable, socially engaged–the very qualities that can help them get out of an oppressive situation,” says Lyubomirsky.

    http://thebodysays.wordpress.com/2010/07/19/the-happiness-factor/
     
    plum likes this.

Share This Page