Surgery on Monday and pain peaks

Time2be

Time2be

Well known member
On Monday I will have surgery, they take out half of the thyroid gland. I am okay with that. But I am afraid. It’s a routine surgery. But my bladder pain peaks. It’s totally understandable, but is there anything I can do?

There is a strange sort of fear in the background: that if I not fear the surgery it will not go well! Like, if I am relaxed and calm then I will be punished. I have to say that I grew up in a home with a hypochondriac father who was very often in a anxious and hysterical state, then he went to the doctor or to the ER and only after that he could calm down. I can rembember that I had to go to the doctor with him at Christmas Eve because his toenail was inflamed, although he already was on antibiotics. He needed the doctor to make him feel safe.
And now I feel as hysterical as he is. Not so astonishing that I have TMS, I know.

I feel so defeated by this pain. I have to tell me over and over again that also this shall pass. And that it is my mind reacting. That I learn to react differently. I thought I were already there. But since 5 weeks the TMS pain flourishes. It started because I totally overworked. And then I had been informed about the necessary surgery. First I took it cool. But since this week I really feel anxious. It’s surgery after all.
 
Well, the urine test, the second one in a month, came out clear. The lab wrote in capitals ‘no growth’. This is like saying: you idiot, why are you sending this sample. When I read it (in Denmark you have online access to all you your medical journals) I felt like a fool. But was also relieved, and, of course, the pain decreased. Immensely. So, again, a lesson learned. It is not worth the energy to worry about set backs. They happen. And then you have to move on.
 
Time2be said:
On Monday I will have surgery, they take out half of the thyroid gland. I am okay with that. But I am afraid. It’s a routine surgery. But my bladder pain peaks. It’s totally understandable, but is there anything I can do?

There is a strange sort of fear in the background: that if I not fear the surgery it will not go well! Like, if I am relaxed and calm then I will be punished. I have to say that I grew up in a home with a hypochondriac father who was very often in a anxious and hysterical state, then he went to the doctor or to the ER and only after that he could calm down. I can rembember that I had to go to the doctor with him at Christmas Eve because his toenail was inflamed, although he already was on antibiotics. He needed the doctor to make him feel safe.
And now I feel as hysterical as he is. Not so astonishing that I have TMS, I know.

I feel so defeated by this pain. I have to tell me over and over again that also this shall pass. And that it is my mind reacting. That I learn to react differently. I thought I were already there. But since 5 weeks the TMS pain flourishes. It started because I totally overworked. And then I had been informed about the necessary surgery. First I took it cool. But since this week I really feel anxious. It’s surgery after all.
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I consider it perfectly natural to feel anxious around the surgery but you may want to spend a little time listening to some Claire Weekes. Whenever I'm nervous about such things I like to pop my headphones on and let her sane and calm voice soothe me.

You may be interested to know that many surgeons report surgery and recovery go best for those patients who are calm and especially for those who have faith, be that spiritual or more religious-based. Maybe all that does is relax the body, or maybe there is a grander mystery?

Given your background with your father it is not surprising you have feelings around this. My partners family has a couple of hypochondriacs and over the years they have driven me nuts. :)

I'm really glad to hear the urine test results were good. Nothing quashes TMS so beautifully as experiences like this. No need to feel foolish, we all endure setbacks. As you say, they happen and you move on, hopefully with more confidence and surety.

I wish you all the best for Monday. Do nice, self-soothing things over the weekend so that you can enter the experience in good form. Be sure to let us know how it goes.

Hugs,

Plum x
 
Thanks Plum! I am doing better now. I am also much calmer. I cleaned the house and made soups for the fridge. Now everything is prepared.
I love Claire Weekes. I listened to on of her lectures three times and I love her English. Is this actually an Aussie accent? For me she sounds like Miss Marple:) And she is so helpful. I will continue listen to her.
You are mentioning spirituality and faith. This is an issue for me. My feelings and my rationality do not always agree. To be honest, I struggle with this.
I keep you informed....
 
Well, surgery went well. It is amazing. Yesterday they removed the left part of the thyroid gland and today i am already at home. I spent the night at the hospital and everyone was nice and professional. But they don’t have enough capacities and they think that people better heal at home. I guess they are right. I am fairly calm, lying on the sofa and watching the birds outside. The only thing that bothers me is the result of the pathologist. This will take sometime. And although cancer is rare with thyroid nodes I will be fully relaxed if I know that everything is all right.
I decided to be more myself in the future and to really have a life. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.
And now I rest.
 
Just an update: the pathologist report says that nothing abnormal had be found, besides the nodes, the cyst and normal degeneration. I am kind of relieved. And I am feeling ok, though I sometimes again have TMS pain. Not much, but a bit.

I thought I would be over the moon after surgery and the certainty that nothing else is wrong. I also passed the citizenship test in Denmark. And I also promised myself that I won’t worry so much in the future. But it is like worrying or not really feeling happy is second nature to me. Tomorrow I have to work again and Christmas is coming and I have to drive home to my parents. They are 85 and 82 and I cannot leave them alone at Christmas. My sister is not coming, she doesn’t want to. And although I have to drive for 12 hours (though I have to say that I like driving, that’s not the problem) and she only 3 hours, it will be me who is the nice daughter. I will spend 3 days trying not to be sucked up in this dark energy hole of my parents who are fighting constantly, not being able to listen to others. I do already have problems to cope with the emotions on a normal Sunday when I have flashbacks of these horrible Sundays. I will make a stop over at one of my best friends, that will cheer me up a bit. I simply have to use my emotional amour. I try think of the lotus effect, how water is simply gliding down.
Others here with issues like that? I mean Christmas is the high tide for this!
 
Hi time 2B,

Happy you had good news from the doctor ! Hope recovery will folow quick.
I was inspired by your words about fear etc. Good to remind myself of that too. And you asking about christmas: to ne honest i am one of those persons who feels not so good in december. It just too much ‘work ‘ and indeed emotions
Visiting my mother is hard too. And this gives me mixed emotions of quilt and anger and pressure. So i do understand. And my guess is more people do. But maybe remind yourself of the fact that this is also your christmas and just ‘trying to get through’ is not much. You hit a nerve when you said : maybe worrying is normal to me and not being happy ‘ i think of myself too that way
Just like the fact you said you ‘needed to worry about surgery otherwise you fear it would go wrong. This is something to think about because that’s
maybe something we learned , but why ? And can we unlearn this ?
 
Hi Karinabrown,
Thanks for your sympathetic comment! You seem to have similar experiences ... I am sure that we can unlearn, but it is more difficult than I thought. I think I worry automatically and think that things will go terribly wrong if I don’t worry. This is pattern I have learned. It’s my father who always expect the worst and then is relieved when the catastrophy didn’t take place. But as he also admits, the period of relief is very short and then the next anxious reaction happens - because there are always problems in life. So, basically he is on alert all the time. And so am I, at least sometimes. The body reacts to this constant alert feeling. Rationally I know it. But it took and still takes time to seep in. But I on my way!
 
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