Stuck and feeling down.

[Hen]

I'm on day 29 of the SEP and have been reading about TMS prior to that so getting close to a month and a half. My pain this week has been worse. I'm feeling really tired of it and scared that it won't go away. Both of my shoulders hurt and my right wrist hurts. My hips are driving me crazy with what feels like sciatica or is TMS version of sciatica.

Is this normal? I'm guessing it is. I had a job interview yesterday morning and so I feel like I did probably store some tension in my shoulders from that but I have triggers points...new ones in my shoulders. Not even muscle knots just areas of pain. I don't really believe I have fibromyalgia because I don't feel foggy and am able to sleep OK.

I should add that I'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now about which direction my career is going to end up in and feeling worried/afraid and anxious about finances and my future and will I chose the right path for myself.

Words of encouragement are appreciated.

Thanks

 

[KevinB]

Hi Hen,

I can only share my experience with this stuff. Firstly, when I "calendar watch", my symptoms ALWAYS get worse, especially if I begin going back in time, saying things to myself like "it's been over 8 week, WTF?!?!?!?!". That is just my fear and inner bully at work. I actually just had that thought this morning. So I paused, focused on my breath, then I told myself that even though it has been X amount of time, I've still done essentially everything I've needed, even wanted, to do during that time - no, it wasn't pain free, but I was still able to show up for my responsibilities, and even pleasures. I then try to keep in the present. I really have no place digging around in the past anyhow, it's done, over. My experience has been that the pain moves around, comes and goes, intensifies, lessens, etc, especially while doing the work (SEP, for instance). I'm not qualified to say whether or not it's "normal", but it was/is that way for me.

Take care and blessings.

Kevin

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hen. regarding financial stress, you are in a very large boat. Much bigger than Noah's Ark. I had some of it this morning and decided to just consider it a pile of doodoo and laughed it off. As for career concerns, I have always liked what my favorite author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, wrote in This Side of Paradise. His main character had returned from World War I disillusioned and uncertain about his future. A priest told him, "Do the next thing and it will lead you to the next and that will eventually lead you to what the Lord intended you to work at or to be."

So I hope you will look at your choices and just do what seems to be right as the next thing. It's another way of following Jesus' advice in not being anxious about tomorrow, that today's were sufficient in themselves.

Trust in the Lord. He will not lead you or any of us astray.

 

[MWsunin12]

Hen,

I used to keep a calendar book of good days and bad days. The bad days continued on and on until I was in a circumstance for 2 weeks without my calendar book, in a new location, busy and invigorated. I lost track of time and the pain lost track of me. As Walt says, the financial stress boat is very large. There is no "normal" security anymore, so I think it's best to just trust the fact that you've managed to take care of yourself and survive so far and that you're going to continue to do that. In your heart, you know you will. Right?
Forget about counting the days. Tell your body "I hear you and I'm going to take care of your stress." It's a mental thing. If you're counting the days, then your sending your mind the message that pain is probably expected today and sure enough, it will be there.

All my best,
Marcia

 

[Anne Walker]

Hi Hen. Is this normal? Yes, it is! That does not mean that you need to or will continue in overriding pain and anxiety, but the fact that you are going through this right now is not cause to be discouraged. The anxiety and worry is like a river and it can sweep you away. Try to get a little foot hold and not get swept into the rapids. I know six weeks feels like a very long time but I took a much, much longer time to heal. I can't tell you precisely how long, because at some point I successfully managed to stop monitoring my pain so much. I do remember at one point reflecting "this is manageable. I would not want this pain level to continue, but if it did for whatever reason, I could still live and be happy." Then there were times when the pain would come back more intensely or some entirely new weird thing would surface, and initially when that happened I would go off the deep end "Why? Why is this happening? I was doing so well! I can't do this. I will never get better!" Not surprisingly, those episodes took a little longer for me to work through. Nowadays, if something were to surface, I handle things differently. I don't dive into the anxiety river but instead reassure myself that this is momentary and that I will take care of myself and figure it out. And then I reflect and think about my life. If its a super bad head ache or something, I may just decide to find some way to relax and get through it, and then spend some time reflecting when it is not so challenging. And sometimes I have a pretty good idea what exactly caused it, sometimes I realize in retrospect, and sometimes I am not really sure.

The most important thing for you to do right now, Hen, is to stop worrying if you will ever get better. I know the hard way that will only slow your progress. That is just an indication that you are only thinking about the pain. And although it feels like it, the pain is not the issue. Keep going, all of this will click and come together for you. It may start with a few wonderful moments that then just snowball. In all the times I've made really big decisions about which direction to go it was the decision making process that was the most stressful. The right path is only one path, but there are many paths.

 

[Hen]

Hi Hen,

I can only share my experience with this stuff. Firstly, when I "calendar watch", my symptoms ALWAYS get worse, especially if I begin going back in time, saying things to myself like "it's been over 8 week, WTF?!?!?!?!". That is just my fear and inner bully at work. I actually just had that thought this morning. So I paused, focused on my breath, then I told myself that even though it has been X amount of time, I've still done essentially everything I've needed, even wanted, to do during that time - no, it wasn't pain free, but I was still able to show up for my responsibilities, and even pleasures. I then try to keep in the present. I really have no place digging around in the past anyhow, it's done, over. My experience has been that the pain moves around, comes and goes, intensifies, lessens, etc, especially while doing the work (SEP, for instance). I'm not qualified to say whether or not it's "normal", but it was/is that way for me.

Take care and blessings.

Kevin

Thanks Kevin. Hearing that its a similar experience for you is comforting to me.

 

[Hen]

Hen,

I used to keep a calendar book of good days and bad days. The bad days continued on and on until I was in a circumstance for 2 weeks without my calendar book, in a new location, busy and invigorated. I lost track of time and the pain lost track of me. As Walt says, the financial stress boat is very large. There is no "normal" security anymore, so I think it's best to just trust the fact that you've managed to take care of yourself and survive so far and that you're going to continue to do that. In your heart, you know you will. Right?
Forget about counting the days. Tell your body "I hear you and I'm going to take care of your stress." It's a mental thing. If you're counting the days, then your sending your mind the message that pain is probably expected today and sure enough, it will be there.

All my best,
Marcia

Thanks Marcia. You're right. I have survived for 45 years..nearly 46 and managed! I will continue to do so. I am a calendar watcher and an information seeker-always googling this or that and I keep having more and more questions come up for me. Is this normal for TMS? Is that normal? It drives me crazy but its a compulsion. Part of the TMS personality set for sure.

 

[Hen]

Hi Hen. Is this normal? Yes, it is! That does not mean that you need to or will continue in overriding pain and anxiety, but the fact that you are going through this right now is not cause to be discouraged. The anxiety and worry is like a river and it can sweep you away. Try to get a little foot hold and not get swept into the rapids. I know six weeks feels like a very long time but I took a much, much longer time to heal. I can't tell you precisely how long, because at some point I successfully managed to stop monitoring my pain so much. I do remember at one point reflecting "this is manageable. I would not want this pain level to continue, but if it did for whatever reason, I could still live and be happy." Then there were times when the pain would come back more intensely or some entirely new weird thing would surface, and initially when that happened I would go off the deep end "Why? Why is this happening? I was doing so well! I can't do this. I will never get better!" Not surprisingly, those episodes took a little longer for me to work through. Nowadays, if something were to surface, I handle things differently. I don't dive into the anxiety river but instead reassure myself that this is momentary and that I will take care of myself and figure it out. And then I reflect and think about my life. If its a super bad head ache or something, I may just decide to find some way to relax and get through it, and then spend some time reflecting when it is not so challenging. And sometimes I have a pretty good idea what exactly caused it, sometimes I realize in retrospect, and sometimes I am not really sure.

The most important thing for you to do right now, Hen, is to stop worrying if you will ever get better. I know the hard way that will only slow your progress. That is just an indication that you are only thinking about the pain. And although it feels like it, the pain is not the issue. Keep going, all of this will click and come together for you. It may start with a few wonderful moments that then just snowball. In all the times I've made really big decisions about which direction to go it was the decision making process that was the most stressful. The right path is only one path, but there are many paths.

Anne-thank you! I really appreciate this forum because the people here understand about TMS and the feedback and support I get it is so helpful/soothing and comforting for me.