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Spontaneous orgasm - So scared!

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Scytaic, Oct 24, 2018.

  1. Emilsen

    Emilsen New Member

    Hi Scytiac, I’m a bit confused right now... I just read your post from yesterday on the succes forum... Are you all better now?
     
  2. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Hi, my success stories were from 2 years ago and I got better. But all this started up again when I withdrew from my antidepressants again in May this year. :( I still wanted to put my old TMS success stories up though. :)
     
  3. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    Glad your brain zaps are infrequent and mostly gone! Funny thing: the brain zaps are nothing more than overactive peripheral cranial nerves - this is why the zaps often happen when someone suddenly moves their head or eyes, or hears a loud or unexpected sound (e.g., sneezing). I did so much research on them and was terrified when people were speculating that they were small localized seizures (which is 100% untrue). My neurologist even had me undergo an EEG, which showed no signs of abnormalities despite experiencing multiple zaps during the test. That's when I came across some research on the peripheral cranial nerves becoming overactive and leading to zapping or twitching sensations.

    I also remember reading this gem, which can apply to any other withdrawal symptom and not just brain zaps. I quote this a lot:
    You know what's funny? I remember experiencing feeling jolts of electricity going through my head before I ever got on any medication when I was really stressed out - brain zaps can be caused purely by anxiety, too. This is important to remember.

    All these withdrawal symptoms will calm down. I spent months trying to follow strict diets and taking supplements, but the relief was always temporary and nothing actually worked. The reality is that my system had probably already healed within a month or two, but my fear and obsession over the thought of permanent withdrawal (which is not going to happen) kept my nervous system in a state of distress.

    Really, I think my body was just going back and forth, and relearning how to balance itself again (hence the feeling almost manic for a bit). Worrying about withdrawal and reading horror stories totally throws that balance off!

    But remember that your fear of symptoms like spontaneous orgasms is what's driving them. And that's great news! OK, I'll stop commenting from here - I probably sound like I'm repeating myself quite a bit, but that's because I know what it's like to have health anxiety and want reassurance that everything will be fine. And you will be! :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2019
    Tennis Tom likes this.
  4. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Oh wow I thought they were seizures too I forgot where I read that exactly! The overactive thing makes way more sense, I feel like I'm getting that in my clit now lol. :( Like every small movement or touch and surge of emotion spikes the arousal. That's really awesome that you got an EEG for it! It's actual proof too which these withdrawal websites seem to lack massively. The stress thing makes so much sense, I would love to get my cortisol levels tested it will give me more motivation to calm down if they're high lol.

    Yesterday I tried something my TMS therapist told me I should do (write a letter to someone I'm angry at which I didn't realise I had this hidden anger in me for this person until last week! It might also be connected with my fear of PGAD!) When I wrote it I couldn't stop crying for hours and hours literally it wouldn't stop. I felt so depressed. Then a few hours after I calmed down I suddenly became less afraid of PGAD. I felt like I could deal with it if I have/get it and believed I will get better. A few hours after that my symptoms went away massivey, I think it would only pop up now and then or when I focused on it.

    I should have expected this but today I'm not good at all. The arousal is low-key still there and spikes with any emotion. And the hypersensitivy in my clit is unbearable, almost painful, after pooping (tmi) which is scaring me so much now. I can't even walk and I'm hoping it'll calm down soon. Like why did it trigger it so badly? It must be my nerves? So yeah I'm worrying again ugh. But noo please don't stop commenting here because reading this just helped me so much and everything you write makes so much sense and gives me reassurance when I need it. I get so excited every time I get the email you commented as sad as that sounds haha. You're so kind, thank you so much, you gave me hope and motivation for the first time since getting this. So seriously you're welcome any time to comment here as much as you want!! :D You're probably helping others who are going through the same thing and are reading this right now too!
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2018
  5. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Updatta.. so I've had a lot more good days since I last posted! I had the best day ever symptom-wise on Friday! I went in the car to game group and the psychologist (Same building) - 0 symptoms! I was feeling so good we drove to the mall too! I only went to one shop because I wanted to have a good short experience and then we drove back home - 0 symptoms the whole day!

    Lol ok there's always a but... so since Sunday I've been getting spikes of arousal and the worst is that I'll get the spike either out of nowhere or maybe anxiety or genuine mental arousal, but then once it's spiked it just seems to stay there low-key-ish for hours with the odd bad 2 second spikes randomly (like as if the volume had been turned up). I'd rate it a 3-4/10 and the spikes a 5-6/10. I'm scared because it's just not going away, it's always there in the background and I'm scared at how badly it spikes just from simply thinkng of something that makes me horny. It'll be like a 7/10. Before the antidepressants if I was horny it would take a few minutes to actually feel it physically and even then it'd be maybe a 3-4/10. But this just spikes up INSTANTLY to a 7/10. Sometimes it'll start to burn too. Surly this just isn't normal at all?? I'm scared my pudendal nerve or hormones are sooo sensitive that even the slightest "irritation" (like being mentally horny) can turn the volume up way too high.

    I know it's stupid but I hate being female literally just because I hate how our hormones are constantly changing (ovulation-pms-period). Like it's bad enough our hormones are messed up from antidepressants but do they ever get a chance to just chill and recover?? I did hear that withdrawals are much harder for women than men and now I see why. I'm scared that during an important part of recovering, my hormones will start doing what they do and I'll be on my period or whatever and it'll mess it all up and cause a horrible condition (like PGAD). I'm so frustrated with my symptoms and myself... I was feeling so hopeful and strong on Friday and had 0 symptoms despite how anxious I was. Then out of nowhere with no anxiety at all, I get bad PGAD all of a sudden and go back to believing I have it all over again. The thing with PGAD is the things that reassure people with most conditions don't work for PGAD... Like for example:

    Anxiety - good days and bad days
    PGAD - also good days and bad days
    Anxiety - causes symptoms
    PGAD - is triggered by anxiety
    Anxiety - different variations/intensity/triggers
    PGAD - also different variations/intensity/triggers

    Basically I can't have a good day and think oh well then the PGAD is obviously anxiety because what genuine illness has days where you can feel 0 symptoms at all? Or what genuine illness can be triggered by anxiety? Fricken PGAD is what... :depressed: And now when I feel better symptom-wise by reassurance I'm starting to believe it's just the placebo effect...

    Ok rant over... I appreciate everyone who's commented here and helped and reassured me, thank you so so so much. And I'm finding it pretty useful to update here and get it all out, helps me see it more rationally when I actually read it out loud too. My TMS therapist is helping me loads too, he's really awesome and compassionate and is helping me connect my fears to things I never realised were related! I also met some really nice people with similar fears, one had the PGAD fears and symptoms and now they've gone away! :D She said she'll write a success story soon and that I can post it here. :) The more PGAD success stories the better seriously... I'm wondering how many people out there with PGAD actually only have the TMS version. Especially because there's been studies of them getting better after therapy. :)
     
  6. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    I'm glad you've been having some good days. :) Yes, both male and female hormones do get a chance to chill and recover after coming off anti-depressants. You know, it's funny - I went to my doctor to get my hormones checked many months after coming off antidepressants. I was convinced they'd still be completely out of whack, yet they were actually 100% normal. You can get your levels looked at as well for peace of mind.

    Truly, withdrawal is completely valid and happens, but I know from personal experience that it can last much longer than it needs to if you're focused on it. You have to forget all the horror stories you've read about. When I used to hit up withdrawal forums, I read that I needed to eat a perfectly clean diet every single day (never any cheat days or even a single gram of sugar), abstain from alcohol until I was 100% free of symptoms, exercise daily, etc. I spent a stupid amount of money on vitamins and supplements, and at one point was taking 12 to 20+ fish oil capsules a day. Literally, people were saying that it was the only way to recover from withdrawal, if you could recover at all. Now, I'm all about being healthy, but it seemed like my withdrawal symptoms just weren't going away no matter what. I was afraid I could never do anything again, which was sad because I do like to eat a few pieces of dark chocolate and enjoy some champagne with friends or a few pina coladas on the beach, and there are days when physical activity just isn't part of my schedule. I'm human! And you know what? My symptoms started going away once I gave up on the super strict lifestyle advice and started drinking alcohol (responsibly, of course) again. Why did this happen? I suspect it's because I had long recovered from withdrawal, and when I stopped fearing the horror stories and began having fun again, my nervous system finally calmed down.

    I wasted so much time worrying about "permanent" withdrawal. It's not reality, it's a myth. The idea of permanence is a complete myth. Going through withdrawal certainly is no fun, but it's not forever. It doesn't matter how long you took the antidepressants, how long you tapered down, if you had to go cold turkey (not recommended but again, some people like me had to do it), etc. You will heal. I remember reading how long-term whiplash wasn't a major phenomenon in certain countries where people weren't as worried about it. Same goes for issues like RSI.

    Mind-body/TMS symptoms can be caused by watching other people go through them, and I highly suspect that's what's occurring when people on these forums discuss permanence. This is not uncommon:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_psychogenic_illness (Mass psychogenic illness - Wikipedia) (Mass psychogenic illness - Wikipedia)
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3536509/ (Mass psychogenic illness and the social network: is it changing the pattern of outbreaks?) (Mass psychogenic illness and the social network: is it changing the pattern of outbreaks?)

    It's 100% clear that your fear of PGAD is what's causing these symptoms, as well as any ongoing withdrawal symptoms at this point. I recall you saying you've gone many days without withdrawal symptoms before, and that's absolutely a sign of mind-body/TMS. Your serotonin receptors sound like they're healed. It sounds like you just need to relax your mind - your body will follow. Addressing fear is critical. View this as an opportunity to overcome what you fear.

    Per Steve Ozanich, withdrawal that someone "just can't get over" can be seen in this context, similar to an injury. This is why people continue to have symptoms even after their serotonin receptors recover - there is no such as permanent withdrawal:

    SOURCE: https://www.thrivinglaunch.com/stop-pain-steve-ozanich/ (Stop Pain - Steve Ozanich - Thriving Launch Podcast)

    Just keep the faith and keep on living!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2019
  7. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Sorry for the late reply but thanks so much Dorado! You always give me hope and cheer me up when I see your messages here I'm so grateful! I'm going to look into all those links and it sounds like being calm is one of the keys to getting better definitely.
    Sadly I have discovered a bit more about PGAD which has made me have to rethink the whole TMS thing. Last week my sister who withdrew from the same antidepressant at the same time told me she also has been getting pgad. We noticed our patterns are the same (at its worse during ovulation but gets better a week or 2 after). Unfourtanatly this panicked me so much, she doesn't know anything about PGAD or have a fear of it and it's not TMS for her and yet mine's the same. Not proud to say but I then went on a pgad support group and found many other people with this exactly pattern. So I guess it's hormonal. I'm holding on to that people do get better from it though over time, like you. And anxiety most definitely makes it worse/spikes it and in that sense it's partly TMS. I just need to keep my nervous system calm. We are both worried at the fact we seem to be worsening with each month but I want to just take each day as it comes. You've really helped me through this thank you so much. :)
     
  8. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yup, just take each day as it comes! Don’t be afraid. I know my hormones were out of whack for a bit. It went away. Remember that there’s no such thing as permanent!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2019
  9. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Thank you, I would be so hopeless without you! I'll continue to update every now and then although it might not be very positive, it'll still be good to look back on my process.:)
     
    Dorado likes this.
  10. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Update.. This month I've been doing a few things differently and I seem to be a lot better (no flares and pgad usually a 0/10 or 3/10 at most. No hypersensitivy, no ovulation flares, before period flares or morning flares!) I'm being super aware of how I'm feeling, what's going on around me, emotional triggers etc. When I know something stressful is coming, I'll give myself time afterwards to reflect, meditate, drink some chamomile tea and ask my husband for a massage and I think it's really been helping preventing stress induced flares!

    I'm starting to try and take things more slow which helps my ADD because that's another stress trigger (my sis also has PGAD and adhd and watching adhd help videos have been helping her with symptoms and anxiety!) I'm keeping myself distracted as much as possible and hyper-focused in game making. I'm going for small walks as much as possible (my goal is to get to the town centre which is 60+ minutes of walking in total). I downloaded an app called Curable which is to help people with chronic pain through a mind-body approach and have been following that. Cut out sugar, took (too much) vitamin c - accidentally for about 2 weeks, sometimes a low dose of magnesium. Eating much healthier more often (lots of salmon and veg). Trying to have a more positive attitude/outlook and have been filling out a gratitude diary each day (That alone makes me so happy <3 ).

    I guess the only thing that worries me is I'm also avoiding sex and I'm worried that that's the only, or a big reason I'm feeling better - Since it flares me so badly 99% of the time. I really want to have sex again without flares, that would just make me so happy :( Even if I could somehow do it without any arousal or orgasms, sex to me is more like a closeness/bonding thing and I miss that.. (cheesy sorry lol) arousal and orgasms are irrelevant to me, like I'd be super happy if I never felt them ever again lol.

    My doctor says he thinks my nerve (or nervous system?) Is just hypersensitive (like Central Sensitization? - no idea what exactly that means) rather than damaged. I would think so too if it wasn't for my previous injury in 2016 (what if the antidepressants were just masking it?) I definitely agree on the hypersensitivy because it flares with certain thoughts, stress, anxiety etc and can way too easily go from a 0 to a 6 when I literally just think of something sexy, and when my husband touches my boobs. I also think that I have too much progesterone though, I'm not sure how much it contributes to the pgad, it could be a separate thing, but I seem to have symptoms of it as well as having a TON TON TON of normal discharge (not the arousal fluid). Sorry for the grossness.

    I hope if anyone is having the same problem as me right now and is reading this also finds what I'm doing helpful too. I also hope it helps future me for reference if I forget stuff! :)
     
  11. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    I've started going out more again, I went to town a couple of times (total of over 2 hours walking!) and even went in the car! My bladder really acts up when I walk though - Maybe it's because I was close to my period, but it feels so so itchy inside - sort of like an arousal. I didn't get anything else though so that's cool.

    Way tmi alert:
    I started having sex again too and I've been completely fine!! The first time I was very hypersensitive for an hour or so afterwards but I'm starting to think it was just anxiety because I was SO anxious. The next other times I was completely fine. Although the last time.. something extremely embarresing happened (got caught by my prudish mum - literally as I was orgasming) and I assume it was the anxiety but I felt like I was still orgasming for about an hour afterwards but it faded quite quickly when something calmed me down. :)

    I still swell up and get flares during ovulation - although they're less frequent and a bit milder now, it could be because I'm less anxious but I like to think it's because I'm healing. My sister is healing too! I think another thing that really worries me is I still get headzaps (1 year later!) Usually it's just before my period in the night and morning but my period is over and they're still there. I'm scared that if I'm not even healed from the acute withdrawals that are only supposed to last like.. 4 weeks.. am I ever going to heal from the long term withdrawals? :( I don't know anyone who's had headzaps for this long except some people who say they have it years and years later. I'm so worried. :(

    Oh and my tinitus is pretty much non-existent now! It's weird, it was so much worse before suddenly it got so much better. The only time I hear it now is in the mornings and night with my headzaps. :(
     
  12. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    Remember what we said about the brain zaps?

    Funny thing: the brain zaps are nothing more than overactive peripheral cranial nerves - this is why the zaps often happen when someone suddenly moves their head or eyes, or hears a loud or unexpected sound (e.g., sneezing). I did so much research on them and was terrified when people were speculating that they were small localized seizures (which is 100% untrue). My neurologist even had me undergo an EEG, which showed no signs of abnormalities despite experiencing multiple zaps during the test. That's when I came across some research on the peripheral cranial nerves becoming overactive and leading to zapping or twitching sensations.

    I also remember reading this gem, which can apply to any other withdrawal symptom and not just brain zaps. I quote this a lot:

    You know what's funny? I remember experiencing feeling jolts of electricity going through my head before I ever got on any medication when I was really stressed out - brain zaps can be caused purely by anxiety, too. This is important to remember.

    Don't worry about these harmless sensations (yes, they ARE harmless, regardless of what the incorrect horror stories say). Don't think about the experiences of people on withdrawal forums. Those people aren't you. They simply don't understand the mind-body connection and how even after serotonin receptors heal, one may still experience symptoms out of pure stress and anxiety. Whoever said four weeks is wrong - it all boils down to the individual and how they calm their sympathetic nervous system down.
    You must remember how the mind-body connection affects everything including withdrawal. Your anxiety absolutely affects what's happening. You have to forget everything you've read on the withdrawal forums.

    I'm glad to hear some other things are getting better for you! My advice is to go on and live as normally as possible. Put the brain zaps behind you and don't be afraid of them. Just live and remember you are OK. :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2019
  13. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Sorry I never thought to check back here after I posted! I remember now thank you! They are weird haha I seem to get them more when I'm not well And I think I was fighting off a flu virus (possibly still am lol). Thanks so much for always helping me, honestly whenever I feel hopeless I just think of all the things you've told me and I can't even put into words how much it means to me.
    I was doing much better like visible progress, going to town a couple times and having sex again. Somehow everything flared up again one day and at first I blamed it on having sex too much but now I see there's a lot of mind-body causes aswell as fighting off this persistent virus. Still it's annoying, I went from feeling like I'm no longer house-bound, going for walks almost every day, almost getting on with my life, having sex again, and sitting at a resteraunt with my family to the next day being bed-bound once again. It's seriously frustrating. I'm so grateful for you because you give me hope even on my worst days. :) And I hope you are doing well! :)
     
  14. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Headzaps have practically gone! I didn't get any before my period for the first time! Even when I overslept which was a trigger. It might be too early to say but I wanted to anyway because it's something positive. :) And the muscle spasm thing after peeing is pretty much gone too (I didn't even notice when it stopped! Haha).
     
  15. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Update, my headzaps and urethra spasms have come back worse than before and I don't even know why at all :( Maybe it's from the stress of the PGAD worsening - I still have no idea why, I'm not sure if I should blame it on the sex in March because I didn't feel as bad then as I did since April and surly it'd be getting better not worse if it was caused by the sex?? It's constant, 24/7 now ever since April, even at the times when I don't feel it, if I move my leg or walk I can feel it is still there. My pubic bone area, my whole urethra and my clit and sometimes my bladder are SO SO extremely sensitive, even just lightly touching anywhere I can feel a deep ache and arousal. When I press on the right side of my pubic bone during a flare I'll feel like there's fullness/swelling there as if part of my bladder or urethra (idk anatomy) has some pocket of fluid. If I walk during a flare that full feeling will feel heavy as if it's rubbing up on everything and will cause an orgasm unless I stop. April has been the worst and this month is only very slightly better but I'm left with this constant pgad now that I didn't have before April (although I felt it sort of coming on in March). I want my life back, I'm practically bed bound. :(
     
  16. keenie82

    keenie82 Peer Supporter

    Just wondering how you are doing now Scytaic?
     
  17. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Hey, thanks:) I'm still the same sadly. :( Wish I could give a better update :(
     
  18. keenie82

    keenie82 Peer Supporter

    Hi Sytaic,

    I am sorry that you are still the same. Are you still off anti-depressants? Was reading on Rx Risk that it can definitely happen with withdrawal. You will get through this. You did before.

    If it makes you feel any better, I am in the midst of a flare. Wishing I wasn't, but just implementing TMS principles. For me it always comes down to stress. Internal or external.

    Wishing you well and continued healing. Lots of love.
     
  19. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    I'm sorry you're in a flare :( and yeah I'm still off antidepressants, I don't think going back on would really help they seem so damaging, even if they can mask the symptoms for some people. Thanks I hope I do, you will get through this too, I'm really glad TMS has been helping you. :) I definitely agree with the stress thing, stress, hormones and some physical things (sex, going the toilet, cars etc) are my biggest triggers. Do you also have PGAD? Do you know what triggered yours in the beginning?
    If it helps I've found a low carb diet helps massively with my anxiety (to where it's almost none existent) which then gets rid of my anxiety and overactive mind caused flares.
    Wishing you well and lots of healing too, and lots of love back :) take care!
     
  20. keenie82

    keenie82 Peer Supporter

    Thanks I hope I do, you will get through this too, I'm really glad TMS has been helping you. :) I definitely agree with the stress thing, stress, hormones and some physical things (sex, going the toilet, cars etc) are my biggest triggers. Do you also have PGAD? Do you know what triggered yours in the beginning?
    If it helps I've found a low carb diet helps massively with my anxiety (to where it's almost none existent) which then gets rid of my anxiety and overactive mind caused flares.
    Wishing you well and lots of healing too, and lots of love back :) take care![/QUOTE]

    Hi,

    No I don't have PGAD. More I have continual bladder awareness that gets worse under stress. Mine started from an initial UTI, and a pessary fitting. Then just continued on. Thankfully I am still able to live a really good life. I treat it as TMS. Best thing I can do is stay off the internet. I came on this forum today just because I saw you responded. But this past weekend I did a 96 hour break of no internet/no phone and it helps me so much. It clears my mind of rumination, so even if I still have my bladder awareness I feel much more in control than when I am mindlessly googling trying to find a cure or who will cure me.

    Good idea about the low carb diet! Thank for the suggestion :) Sending healing and love your way!
     

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