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Spontaneous orgasm - So scared!

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Scytaic, Oct 24, 2018.

  1. Miaxoxoxo

    Miaxoxoxo Newcomer

    Hey scytaic, I’ve been getting the same symptoms as you, I’ve super stressed over the past month that caused me to have anxiety and depression, I’ve been constantly doing my research about what could be causing my symptoms at first I thought it was vulvodynia or an std so I went to get checked ( I’m still waiting for my results) I highly doubt it’s an std though. I was getting itchy and a burning sensation when I go pee but anyways I first had a flare up about 4 days ago, out of no where I was in bed and I got extremely horny tmi ... (mod edit) I got super scared and started thinking about people who have over 100 orgasms a day so that freaked me out even more. Ever since that day ... (mod edit) I’ve had 2 episodes where I get super horny that I feel like I’m about to orgasm and I believe that those episodes happened when I was extremely anxious . My arousal is constantly there and they get triggered by anxiety or when I think about which makes me believe that it’s stress that’s giving me these symptoms.
    I also sometimes feel pressure around my bladder area like if I need to go pee. I really hope these symptoms go away on their own. When I walk or when I’m in a car ride the arousal happens. I’ve tried talking to my boyfriend but he thinks I’m crazy and that it’s normal for someone my age ( I’m 18 ) to be constantly horny but these symptoms don’t seem normal to me...I hope I hear from you soon
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 6, 2019
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Members, for security and safety, please do not give out your personal contact information on the forum. Our Private Conversation module is the safe way to communicate with other members. This thread is being moderated and this recent post has been edited.
  3. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    Two things:
    • I would avoid getting stuck in the cycle of discussing this topic with other individuals who are suffering but have seen little to no progress and do not have any answers. It's not going to help anyone; it's akin to asking someone who is $1 million in debt how to pay off your credit cards, or seeking advice from a pack-a-day smoker on giving up tobacco. Instead, focus on success stories and what those individuals did to overcome their challenges. I do not mean any disrespect by this - I sincerely wish I had only taken advice from people who had healed or were at least making great progress when I was still in a bad place. (Also, I agree with Jan: I've had people ask me to contact them outside of this site or even meet up with them for coffee. I say no. Not only does this violate the security and safety terms of the site, but you also run the risk of people becoming dependent on you and getting stuck in a cycle of reassurance seeking.)
    • I am sorry your brain zaps are back. You must understand that antidepressant withdrawal is not permanent. It is absolutely impossible for these drugs to cause permanent brain damage, as the issues caused by withdrawal are naturally healed by the body. A classic sign of "TMS" is having an injury heal, but then experiencing symptoms on and off. Your on and off symptoms are classic signs of TMS as well as proof that your brain is fully capable of functioning without experiencing symptoms such as - not limited - brain zaps (which are harmless overactive nerves). I will quote myself - this is going to be long, and the final comment I will make in this thread:
    I have not had ability to participate in forum discussions very frequently (this is not due to health-related issues or anything negative - I’m feeling fantastic, doing incredibly well, and truly living the best life I’ve ever lived!), but I wanted to ask you to please, please, PLEASE stay off the antidepressant withdrawal forums. Recall everything we’ve talked about here: http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/i-was-going-to-post-a-success-story-on-an-anti-depressant-withdrawal-forum.20225/ (I was going to post a success story on an anti-depressant withdrawal forum)

    Remember: injuries that healed long ago can continue to cause pain and/or other symptoms for weeks, months, years, and even decades due to TMS (which means nothing more than an overactive nervous system caused by emotions). This is essentially what central sensitization, phantom limb syndrome, etc. all are. Think about all the fibromyalgia patients on the “fibro warrior” forums, and then think back to the countless individuals who have overcome fibromyalgia. The forums mean absolutely nothing, except that some individuals are experiencing symptoms and claiming they cannot heal without realizing the role the mind-body connection plays in their suffering. Do not do this to yourself! You are going to be fine!

    I’ve listened to neurologists discuss patients who took too much MDMA, and serotonin receptors being “permanently burned out” - they say this is a total myth. The same applies to antidepressants. Focus on relaxing yourself. As Steve Ozanich says, when you experience symptoms, do not panic - ask yourself why your body feels the need to experience them. What is going on in your life? Symptoms are simply an indication that you are focusing on them and/or experiencing powerful emotions, even if you don’t realize it.

    Here is what Steve himself has written to me in this topic last year:
    Here is what he said to me after I continued to visit withdrawal forums after my session with him:
    And here is his response to me when I had nasty flare ups:
    Dr. Howard Schubiner, a medical doctor as well as a TMS expert, agrees:
    THESE DRUGS CANNOT CAUSE PERMANENT DAMAGE, NO MATTER WHAT THE WITHDRAWAL FORUMS (WRONGLY) CLAIM. Here’s a lovely quote I found online back when I was greatly struggling:
    While some people may take longer to heal than others, nobody should be experiencing symptoms years later, regardless of how long they did or did not taper. For those who are, it’s because of powerful emotions. Withdrawal is real, but it eventually ends, and much sooner than the people on those forums are claiming. Remember that stress itself depletes serotonin, increases cortisol, activates the sympathetic nervous system, etc. Anyone who says they took two or five years to heal - or never healed - is stuck in a cycle they can 100% get out of once they fully understand what’s actually happening and address the situation. Let yourself heal by managing your stress and response to the symptoms.

    For the record, I basically had to come off Cymbalta cold turkey (my taper was incredibly fast) because it was making me super sick, worsening as time went on. Genetic testing showed why I was so ill - my body couldn’t process the medication, and there wasn’t a great substitute for me available (this is why I wish doctors would run genetic tests before prescribing these medications, sigh). Do I recommend fast tapering or employing the cold turkey method? Definitely not. I had to be monitored very closely by loved ones to ensure I didn’t have any emotions breakdowns. But was I at risk of permanent physical, mental, and/or emotion damage? No! Your brain is safe!

    An accumulation of trauma is the reason patients on these withdrawal forums have difficulty healing and moving on. The sympathetic nervous system was stressed out before the medication, and now the nervous system is stressed out without them. You may recall how I hadn't even read about alcoholic neuropathy yet, but I was already experiencing nerve pain after a single glass of wine or two. As my neurologist stated: my body was so stressed out, it was responding to everything like a major trauma! This applies to long-term withdrawal, too.

    My withdrawal thread discussed doctors realizing these patients are essentially stuck in sympathetic mode. Symptoms like brain zaps are nothing more than overactive peripheral cranial nerves, not permanent brain damage. It’s all about balancing and managing your emotions as well as your perception of life (whatever it may be, especially when you're dealing with hurdles - challenging, stressful, fruitless, a significant effort, depressing, unlucky, etc.). It's important to focus on developing positive strategies for living your best life!

    Do not forget neuroplasticity and how the brain changes throughout your entire life. Beautiful new neural connections are forming every day. Your management and perception of life can change. Think about how much freedom you have to begin the process of changing your entire life today - physically, mentally, and emotionally! You are not stuck in this place forever.

    I was diagnosed with everything from OCD to major depressive disorder to agoraphobia and more. I had severe Cymbalta withdrawal. My nervous system was screwed up from years of stress, to the point that the biofeedback psychologist my neurologist wrote papers with thought might actually be nerve damage (it wasn’t). I could go on and on. And now I'm in the best place I've ever been. Work toward freeing yourself!

    Please do not forget that doctors are unfortunately not perfect: think about all the patients who were told they were permanently screwed due to fibromyalgia, CRPS, spinal stenosis, carpal tunnel, back arthritis, disc issues, certain allergies, etc. Then recall how many of them healed. www.thankyoudrsarno.org is filled with these stories. There’s a reason Sarno was regarded as being “crazy” by some of his colleagues.

    This is also why Steve Ozanich says doctors can sometimes make us worse. My favorite neurologist used to tell me he was extremely concerned I’d eventually find a doctor who also believed something was wrong with me, leading me down a bad path (the biofeedback psychologist I previously mentioned ended up being that person). He begged me to stop seeing more doctors. It’s important to work with doctors who understand the mind-body connection. They don’t need to be “TMS” or Sarno experts, but they should recognize how the mind can affect the body.

    Remember how many people in specific countries claimed they had long-term whiplash after car accidents, while other countries did not experience this phenomenon at epidemic levels. Or how many people say they have foot pain even after their broken foot heals. “Permanent” withdrawal is no different. These people all healed long ago, but they continue to experience symptoms due to powerful emotions.

    I should also note that I took numerous supplements (including 5-HTP, tryptophan, inositol, l-tyrosine, zinc, fish oil, plus MANY others - note that some supplements you may read about elsewhere cannot be mixed together, and I was not taking every single one of my numerous supplements at once), ate a "perfect" diet, completely cut out added sugar, quit drinking alcohol, exercised, etc. to help with the withdrawal. None of it seemed to help. Why? As Steve said, I had healed from the withdrawal long ago, but was stuck in a cycle of symptoms the same way someone with long-term whiplash gets stuck.

    You've also got to do the work - which includes understanding and accepting what's truly happening, relaxing yourself, managing your emotions, and getting back to living life. These supplements are not required to heal (I would more heavily encourage meditation, exercise, and believing you are okay - all things I'd encourage in individuals without withdrawal, too, because they are simply good for you), but in certain individuals, they can alleviate some of the symptoms. Remember that supplements often require weaning, too. For me personally, if it had been many months since I got off the medication, I would be careful to not look at this as a "physical" problem that requires supplements and focus more on the meditation, exercise, and believing I am okay.

    Some of us saw a gradual decrease in our symptoms with some rough days, as opposed to them simply ending one day. Do not give up because you still experience brain zaps or other symptoms sometimes. It's okay! Just remember that it's not permanent and your emotions will make the symptoms stick around. The worst thing you can do is be afraid. The fact that your body has gone days or weeks without having many of these symptoms serves as the ultimate PROOF.
  4. cathcnz

    cathcnz Newcomer

    I'm brand new to this site, and I have to say, that reading this thread has helped me hugely !!! @Scytaic your words were exactly what I have experienced, and I felt like you have the exact same thought processes as me. And so @Dorado, just like scytaic, I have found your posts soooo reassuring. And incredibly wise. And calming. And goodness knows the is so much fear in many forums, that it is so welcome to have calm rationale applied!!
    Scytaic and Dorado like this.
  5. Emilsen

    Emilsen New Member

    Hi Scytaic,
    I have been thinking about how you are doing, and whether you have been successful in the TMS approach with regard to PGAD? I hope you feel better!
    Best wishes Britt
    Dorado likes this.
  6. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Hi, thanks for asking! I wish I had something more positive to say but no, I'm still the same as when I started sadly. Dorado has helped and reassured me massively though, I think I just may need longer to heal. :(
    Thank you again and best wishes to you too! :)
  7. shandman

    shandman Newcomer

    Hey did you recover from PGAD. Was yours psychosomatic? also is it ok to ask if your male or female?
  8. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Hi, I want to give a positive update. :)

    I left my emotionally abusive husband in August 2020, he moved out in September and my symptoms have practically vanished since! I realise now that the stress, anxiety etc was keeping my nervous system in fight or flight, even when I didn't realise it. I kept insisting to myself "I am relaxed!" But when he left, for the first time since withdrawing, I actually felt real relaxation! I was now capable of going into the parasympathetic nervous system! My pgad went from almost always bad (with some good months and some symptoms completely disappearing with windows and waves), to now feeling completely normal 99.99% of the time.

    It comes back while I'm extremely stressed, anxious or depressed(mixed with alcohol), but it goes away after my anxiety has calmed down. Sometimes I'll feel it slightly around my period while I wipe after peeing, but that's usually only if I've overdone it with sex stuff lol (which I can now do as much as I want with almost no flare up!) I can now drink alcohol and do so many other things I wasn't able to do before, with 0 symptoms!

    I really wanted to post this to give someone hope, because if you're going through something similar, it seems completely hopeless, but it's not. If you feel stuck or your healing isn't progressing like you think it should, there might be something in your life keeping your nervous system in overdrive without even realising it. I was honestly shocked that it was my ex, although it seems silly to say that now, but I was just so used to it. Sometimes you just don't realise how bad something is until it's gone. Hope this helps someone!
    For more info on my recovery journey:
    - I left my emotionally abusive husband.
    - I noticed that if I thought about doing any of the triggers, I would feel the pgad. So I started to imagine them over and over again and use my imagination to replace the pgad with a different sensation, to my surprise, this started actually happening when I did these triggers for real! I wasn't even expecting that to happen, I just thought it would dull or half the pain a little!
    - I got a TV in my room and every night would fall asleep to old Disney movies, it was so relaxing and definitely the first time I felt myself going into the parasympathetic system.
    - I decided to redecorate my entire room and to even give it a totally different, more positive feel (I went from 20s hotel style to pastel aesthetic), I literally replaced every single furniture lol.
    - I gave myself a whole new look! I felt like a new person, a person with hope that's no longer tied down to an illness or abusive husband.
    - I gave myself new purposes, good stresses. I went on dates, I worked on a webcomic, I got a new puppy, I joined a part time college course. My thoughts were "if I get a flare then I get a flare and I will deal with it at the time it happens"
    - I stopped thinking about it and worrying "what if", I thought about my new life changes and new story ideas in my head instead, especially at night, I'd make up stories in my head and get so into them, or the movies I was watching.
    - I had a support worker who is a strong believer in mindbody who helped me challenge the triggers.
    - I went out A LOT. I was terrified of going outside or in the car, but I decided to no longer let my pain control my life, I will live happily regardless. I accepted it for the first time and decided to push the limits that anxiety and past bad experiences had set for me. I started to lose the fear and without even realising, I lost the symptoms too.
    - I made friends. This was during lockdown so I'd caught up with my friends online, we played lots of online games together and made a discord group chat, she added a lot of her friends and I loved talking to all these new people, even when some drama arose, it was all a distraction, I was thinking about them and no longer about the condition that had been on my mind 24/7 for 2 years.
    - I got a boyfriend! Through mutual friends on the group chat, I met my now boyfriend! He's so loving, I realised how dumb I was to hold onto my emotionally abusive husband for 2 years!
    - I started doing more things I was afraid of despite the pain. Anxiety always flares my pgad, I went to sleep over a few times at a friends house who lives out of town, I was scared but felt nothing! Same with when I visited my brother out of town who lives over an hour away. This is me who hadn't been in a car for 2 years! I just had lots of practice to build up to it. I started drinking alcohol (past trigger), I started doing sexual things again and although I do feel strange after, it fades very quickly, I stopped getting the hours or days after flares.

    I am now living a normal life, 99% pain free. It's been 9 months and within that time I have only gotten better and better. :)
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2021
    TG957 likes this.
  9. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Well, I'm stupid. :-( I smoked weed for the first time 5 out of 9 days in late May early June and on the 5th day (hours after the high), my PGAD came back. Then other withdrawals came back too or worsened (tinnitus is now in both ears etc). It's been 3 months now and it's suddenly worse... I've been waking up in the night with a PGAD flare for 4 days now (3 of those being very intense). It's worse than when I got it last time because this time, it's becoming more constant, it's there as soon as I wake up (whereas before, I'd be fine until I peed), and now even at night which usually nights were almost always perfectly fine for me.

    I'm so confused about why it's getting worse. I know when I came off Citalopram, I slowly got worse for 5 months until it hit me badly which lasted over a year until it started finally easing up until almost healed (in total I had it for almost 3 years - not including the residue rare anxiety flares past September 2020 onwards). But how on Earth can taking or coming off a drug, cause the effects to get WORSE months later?? My biggest fear is that I'm going to continue getting worse for another 5 months or so, get hit with it harder, and then have it for years again, like last time. Has anyone got any advice? :-(
  10. indecisiveman

    indecisiveman New Member

    Oh wow, I've read some of your story and I can REALLY relate, especially with the weed part. I had something just like that happen- I basically have been dealing with genital tingling/stinging/annoyance for 7 months and it hasn't gotten any worse and kinda just comes and goes so it's probably TMS. Anyway back in mid-March I had kinda got it under control, I was taking medication for an apparent UTI (it wasn't, commensal bacteria aka red herring x) it had gone away immediately. So I was getting stronger and happier but then I smoked weed a few days later and then a day and a half after smoking, it all came back. Super confusing esp since I was on the medication at the time! Then when I took more at the end of March it went away completely until I got all panicked again in May.

    Anyway I have no idea why that would happen. Maybe there's a slightly anxious state induced by smoking? I've smoked a few times recently and it hasn't affected me negatively at all though so I don't know why that would happen. Anyway I would say keep trying the strategies you were doing before- not being afraid, somatic tracking, etc. Obviously there isn't anything wrong if it's just something triggered by drugs. It might just take a little bit of time for you to return to homeostasis like before. Anyway you're not alone, I curse the fact that I smoked in March bc I was feeling so much better.
    Scytaic likes this.
  11. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    @Scytaic, I agree with the poster above - weed can sometimes induce temporary and harmless anxiety. You made it through this storm before and I know you’ll be okay this time as well!

    I went through a medical cannabis phase for a bit some years ago. My brother had me eat an *entire* edible and share a bowl later that night. That’s enough to make most people go into panic mode. I proceeded to freak the F out, until he reminded me that I was in control. “It’s all in your mind. It’s not real.” It ended up being a fantastic night. He’s simply brilliant. He told me that it was an opportunity to take control of my thinking. I wish I could apply that to so many other things in my life, but I’m still learning as I go. But I never had a panic attack from cannabis after that, even when my body was in sympathetic overdrive. Except for when I was convinced that Cymbalta withdrawal ruined my brain chemistry - but then I’d go out with friends, have a great night, and the trajectory of the night was wonderful. According to Dr. Rhonda Patrick’s genetic reports, I even carry the “temporary psychosis after cannabis use” gene.

    Moral of the story: this is nothing that can’t be changed. This does not define your experience or your life.
    Scytaic and JanAtheCPA like this.
  12. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Thank you both so much. And Dorado, I really appreciate you commenting as you've already helped me out so much in the past. :)

    I really want to share my current mindbody journey because I've found it very interesting. Sorry in advance that it's LONG (I'll post a short version after), but the details might be helpful because I feel like I'm getting somewhere with this new meditation tactic? Also TW - includes mentions of sexual stuff and abuse.

    - Since the weed I've been having a looming feeling of darkness while sleeping and way too many dreams. Because of the feeling, my dreams felt traumatising even though they were just normal non-disturbing dreams (came in windows and waves).

    - Late in August as I was waking up with PGAD, it felt more like a phantom feeling, or a thought, that was floating above my head or sometimes about my groin. I decided to meditate on the feeling and ask "what is the thought? If this physical feeling was an emotion, what would the emotion be?" I realised it was the feeling of pure and utter panic. I did this for a couple of mornings and I think it helped.

    - I then thought, I see why people connect PGAD with akathesia (which I had never experienced before but assumed it was the feeling of bad anxiety). So I started seeing PGAD as anxiety or panic but also as a form of akathesia.

    - My PGAD soon began to calm down significantly as of September (still with some waves).

    - However, after this, I went on a stressful holiday and when I got home I was hit with the worst panic attack I've ever had that triggered the PGAD feeling but in my entire body. I started panicking more thinking, so this is akathesia??

    - From then on I've had this physical feeling mainly in my back and it's extremely uncomfortable. The darkness at night got worse and I also had a constant feeling of being on the verge of a panic attack.

    - One morning I decided to meditate on the darkness feeling as I was waking up. I realised it was trauma from the PGAD and the sexual abuse in my childhood, and I felt as if I shed light onto it and although I couldn't solve the causes, I felt much more lighter and less anxious.

    - I continued feeling better (my back also got better soon after when someone told me the symptoms don't match akathesia). But then I decided to masturbate for the first time since all this started (5 months).

    - The PGAD flared slightly in the next 2 mornings as a thought/phantom feeling again so I did the mediation on it again. I saw the emotion of shame, desperation to hide from shame, anxiety, violated. I suddenly had a very strong sense of being back in a very strict cult I grew up in (it'll be a long story but it basically condemns masturbation). I went into a horrible panic attack.

    - This was about 5 days ago, as of then, the darkness feeling from the beginning is now looming over me in the DAY and EVERY day, almost the entire day. It switches from the feeling of being disturbed, traumatised, etc to the feeling of being on edge and open for an attack. I tried to do some dancing to get the seretonin goin and the akathesia feeling in my back flared up.

    - So currrently I am stuck with this fear that this darkness feeling and the feeling in my back are both akathesia and it is getting worse (compared to each month since it started). This is unlike any kind of depression and anxiety I have ever had in my life, rather than feeling I have them, I feel like I'm inside of them. My brain feels physically sick.

    My take away from all this so far is, either its all moving around because I'm starting to unearth it with the emotional mediations and finally facing my childhood abuse for the first time in my life. The akathesia started because of the connection I made to it to PGAD and the anxiety around it. OR - this is just the typical uncontrollable windows and waves of drug-induced symptoms that may or may not be getting worse. Either way, I think I have acute mental akathesia and tardive physical akathesia and my fear of these is strong and not helping my journey at all.
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2021
  13. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Long story short:

    - Did a meditation on my PGAD and asked "if this physical feeling was an emotion, what is that emotion?" It was panic.
    - PGAD has been calmer since.
    - Panic attack after a stressful holiday brought on physical tardive akathesia and constant panic. Worsened acute mental akathesia at night.
    - Did the emotional meditation on the mental akathesia and found it was trauma.
    - It and the panic calmed down. Someone also reassured me that my physical symptoms didn't sound like akathesia and that calmed down too.
    - Did sexual things.
    - PGAD flared a little so I did the emotional meditation again but this time it brought up strong trauma and resulted in a panic attack.
    - Worsened acute mental akathesia - now in the day. Tried to exercise to make myself feel better which flared the physical akathesia back up.

    It's been about a week since the sexual stuff and this is where I am now.
  14. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    So I think I have dyskinesia now which scares me because that's permanent apparently (I see some success on symptom reduction but only for if they come off the med that's caused it - I haven't taken a drug since that bit of weed 7 months ago and its gotten worse...) I did have it when I withdrew both times before but I can't remember how long it lasted. It was so mild I never paid attention. I assume it went away because I noticed it come back (or worsen?) After weed. Now as of January it's so much worse, very distracting ugh!!

    Heres my journey so far so I don't forget;

    - Last day of smoking weed in early June
    - Last dose of weed to September: daytime pgad, mild mental aka in the form of bad anxiety, trauma feelings and insomnia
    - September: tardive aka in the form of physical panic attack sensations adrenaline rushes in back etc. Insomnia better.
    October: pgad at night
    December: acute aka came back MUCH worse, horrifying indescribable feelings of trauma, darkness and sickness. Pgad mixed in with aka and become a horrible trauma feeling (hard to explain). Insomnia back.
    Late December: everything above has calmed down a lot but now getting cold flashes on face and limbs (i assume this is aka) slowly went away after over a week.
    January so far: burning in brain since woken up by fireworks, suddenly got worse dyskinesia in hips and head (and sometimes legs) mixed with aka agitation in both those places. Worse when I focus on anything (like texting or my writing) so I can't really do anything..

    Very scared, can't find anyone else with my experience with dyskinesia and hate that it's permanent.
  15. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    My physical akathisia has calmed down a lot. Mental akathisia (in the form of a dark traumatic terror feeling that brings me to a panic attack) - is a little milder and going through waves and windows.
    My pgad in general has worsened, especially when it comes to night time. In the night I often wake up with O's, it's getting more frequent each month. In the day, I can get severe flare ups, it's not very often but they're bad when they do happen. I'd say each one is worse than the one before, which was the same for me even when I was healing (before the weed). I want to try pelvic relaxations but I'm scared that if they don't work then I have no hope.

    I've found out I have PoTs, although I'm mostly housebound so haven't been able to actually go to a doctor about it, but my symptoms are that my heart can go from a normal 60-80s to 150s just from standing, bending and especially when climbing the stairs. I think for me the scariest part is that it can do it after eating too, especially something big, sugary or unhealthy.

    As of early January I now have constant aches going from my left hip all the way to my upper back and mainly left side of my neck. I've never had aches before and this was very out of nowhere, I assume it might be from the PoTs. I worry about getting fibromyalgia as I know it's common in PoTs and post-akathisia.

    So, there's my updates. I also am thinking of not bothering with updating on the antidepressant forum anymore. People there have long since given up on me (I don't blame them, I have too). I mainly wanted to use it as a tracker and was hoping I could one day give hope to someone going through the same things, but I worry I don't have much hope to give.
    My therapist left and has left me with no other support. I feel like I'm constantly crying into the void, I'm completely alone.
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2022
  16. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Also, being housebound sucks lol. I've added up that I've been housebound about 5 or more years of my life in total (I'm 26). Or around 9 years counting the times I barely left my hometown. I've exhausted every indoor activity and the boredom has become severe depression. I have trauma from boredom, as stupid as that sounds, and get panic attacks when I have nothing to do.
    At the moment I'm trying to occupy myself by learning Spanish, hoping to learn how to make plushies better, writing a novel, playing games and watching series. I don't have many friends but I'm so grateful for the times I get to talk to them online.
  17. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    The muscle aches have become more painful and widespread. I'm not sure whats happening tbh and wish I could go to a dr.
    Still unsure if it's fibromyalgia since I don't have any of the other symptoms. Except ones that I've had already for years (migraines, bladder weakness (from pgad), rarely ibs).
  18. gonnagetbetter

    gonnagetbetter Newcomer

    Hi Scytaic

    How are you doing now, a couple of months later? I've been following your pgad stories all over the internet as I try to work out what's happening to me! Just wondering if your pgad has improved? Sending lots of love your way and hoping you're doing well.
  19. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    Hi, my pgad is getting better, it's still not at the level of healed as it was before I smoked weed but it's definitely improved majorly. I hope that helps! Sending lots of love!
  20. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    • My pgad is getting a lot better, I still get flares but it's calming down a lot overall.
    • My akathesia got worse during and after covid and took a few more months to calm down again, but now it's very manageable, almost non-existent except for triggers, and even then it's milder than when it started.
    • The muscle pains aren't getting any better, Magnesium helped for a while but slowly it's getting worse again. I've also started getting a pins and needles feeling in my left leg which I'm scared could be RLS, since that's a symptom of Fibromyalgia (which is what I'm assuming could be my issue). I also get bouts of unprovoked depression, which I've never had in my life.

    I worry that after such extreme reactions to the drugs (citalo and weed), there's something physically damaged from overload and now everything's exhausted and Fibromyalgia is the result. I know people heal from trauma-induced Fibromyalgia with the TMS method, but has anyone healed when it's been caused by drugs?

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