Sexual Dysfunction/Zero Sex Drive

[beep]

I've basically 'solved' nearly all my TMS symptoms. And changed my relationship with the symptoms. I don't really have any lasting ones any longer EXCEPT ED/No sex drive. I'm a 24 year old male, perfectly healthy, run 30+ miles a week, zero physical ailments.

I always thought it was because of porn due to reading these online forums like r/nofap. But I'm starting to think that porn is only partially a problem and that TMS is far more likely the culprit in my case. Evidence being that all my friends watch porn, some multiple times a day, and they do not experience ED. And that I've had probably a dozen TMS symptoms, so why not sexual dysfunction both in the physical sense and in the mental sense as another TMS equivalent.

Plus at this point I have so much guilt/shame/anxiety around sex, fear around the symptoms, total avoidance of women at this point due to multiple embarassing instances in the past. And these are spot on the way someone with TMS relates to a TMS symptom. (Fear, negative emotions, etc.)

This has been the hardest one to break. And there is still some doub tin my mind. I'm unsure why. Maybe because the 'porn induced erectile dysfunction theory' stuck to me so well after years of reading these forums and hearing from only people with this 'condition'.

Anyway, does anyone have any similar experience overcoming sexual dysfunction or some advice? It is honestly a terrifying thing to me. That vulnerability to 'fail' with another person, another sexual experience ending in frsutration and feeling powerless. And my greatest fear is that I'll never be normally sexually and never experience a loving relationship again due to this flaw. (First relationship was great, but sex always was an issue for me with sexual dysfunction throughout. Ended after two years due to moving away from one another.)

Thanks for reading and thanks for the help in advance.

 

[birdsetfree]

This does sound like mainly TMS to me. The porn is distracting you from facing the fear of sex with a present woman. The fact that you have had TMS in other forms adds weight to the psychological nature of your ED. I would work on diminishing gradually your exposure to porn and improving your relationship mainly with yourself and then with others. I would start with compassion and empathy towards yourself. This has obviously been traumatic.

 

[beep]

Have you tried some toys, maybe pills?

Ha, funny you reply to this today! Just started talking to a girl again recently and it seems it’s headed in the physical direction- cue the sex anxiety.

But Do you have any experience with this? And yea, pills work For the most part but I feel like they’re a bandaid and just make me rely on them. I’d definitely rather have a sex life wherein I’m just ready to go whenever versus needing to plan by taking a pill. And toys idk tbh. I’m pretty vanilla in the sex department and have never tried.

 

[miffybunny]

I agree with birdsetfree. This is all anxiety. The sexual/porn thing is a TMS equivalent that distracts you from your emotions and life. The focus on the sex and porn reminds me of when people focus on their pain and physical symptoms, rather than addressing the root cause of their anxiety. It comes down to how you feel about yourself and within the context of relationship...fear of being rejected or judged. If you shift focus to connecting with someone in a real way, all the other stuff happens naturally. One of the reasons I despise porn is because there is NOTHING natural about it. It's all mechanical and contrived and fake. There is literally zero emotion, connection or context involved (not that I have viewed much haha but you know what I mean!). I think men who watch that stuff get a distorted view of reality and then it somehow becomes normalized in their minds. Sexiness and attraction is all in the mind. Our brains create all sensations in general (including pain) , so when you focus on happiness first, health follows (or sex lol).

 

[Pharmer1]

Most sexual dysfunction in a male your age is psychological. First, you should consult a physician to rule out any organic problem. I would recommend that you seek professional help rather than posting on this forum.

 

[miffybunny]

Most sexual dysfunction in a male your age is psychological. First, you should consult a physician to rule out any organic problem. I would recommend that you seek professional help rather than posting on this forum.

I'm sorry but you are out of line for telling this young man he should not post in the forum. That is not for you to say and it's very discouraging to someone who is seeking help.

 

[Idearealist]

I think it comes with the territory. I am a bit older than you (32), but I haven't had much of a sex drive for years. I had my test levels checked a few months ago, and I was smack dab in the middle of the range, which surprised me because of how chronically stressed and sleep deprived I am. Anyhoo, I'm hoping this resolves for both of us as we tackle our anxieties.

 

[Shawn Bonneteau]

Hey, I see this is a very old post, but I have a lot of firsthand experience with this issue and wanted to check-in

How are you doing with this today?

 

[kylehuisman]

I think this is common for anyone who's anxiety levels are high because the body is in fight flight, not in a relaxed state @Shawn Bonneteau how did you work through it?

 

[Shawn Bonneteau]

I think this is common for anyone who's anxiety levels are high because the body is in fight flight, not in a relaxed state @Shawn Bonneteau how did you work through it?

Yea its all related to the internal messages we live from. I found that for me, I felt I needed to perform, that I needed to be perfect, that I needed to prove something, I could also sense there were some unspoken expectations from my wife towards me

Basically, we had open conversations about 6 things, which we then used to create what we call a "sexual template"

-What is our goal and purpose together?
-Whats in the way for us individually and together?
-Whats true and factual that we can live from?
-What do we like, want, need
-What are the unhealthy expectations we need to get rid of and healthy expectations to live by
-Where do we need to extend grace

This was So helpful and has been the catalyst to me recovering from ED and our sex life thriving