I am very new to this TMS stuff, however not new to the idea of there being an emotional component to my chronic headaches and neck pain (and over the past year now shoulder and arm pain have cropped up...nice!). Last Summer, I finally realized that nothing I tried ever worked because the cause was emotional all along. That's when I started my daily yoga and meditation practice. Thing is, I didn't necessarily label anger as the emotion causing my pain, although I see now how likely it is. Until I found Dr. Sarno's books in February, I blamed it on low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. I don't know. I still think that is a huge part of my problem and wonder how I can ever overcome what seems to be such a monumental issue. This morning, I got discouraged after my meditation. Didn't feel any better. Sat and thought about how I have been meditating for 20 minutes a day since August and haven't seen any changes in my life (my mind tells me that I am not doing it right). Had been woken up in the middle of the night by my pain, then woke up again in the morning as usual with the same nagging pain...same as every single day for so long now (lately about a 7 on a pain scale constantly). I just wanted to cry. Every day I want to cry. I try to hide it from my family, but they know. I hadn't even said anything to my husband, but before he left for work, he brought me an ice-pack. I am so tired of this. I don't know what it feels like to NOT be in pain! So after my meditation, I picked up The MindBody Prescription again and decided today was the day to start the journaling. I started listing, as Dr. Sarno suggests, the pressures that I feel in my life...perfectionism at the top of the list. By the end of the page, I was blaming myself for the struggles my teenage daughters are having in their lives with anxiety. Honestly, I think the person I am most angry with is myself. On some level, I think I am punishing myself with pain for all of the failures in my life.