Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
I’ve been in therapy (this time) for 3 years. I began this therapy because I was reading Sarno and doing all his advice, with nothing happening. So I decided I was one of the unlucky few he mentions who will need therapy.
The therapy I am getting is called Internal Family Systems (IFS). The premise behind IFS is, that each time you lived through some trauma, a part of you (or parts) took on a role to help you cope with it. And because our subconscious world is timeless, these parts are stuck in time. They are still concerned about whatever it is that caused the trauma. They don’t know that times have changed. You have to find them, befriend them, let them tell their story, then help them heal. After that’s accomplished, the part can retire from that job it took on and supposedly you will feel better. I say supposedly because there are a lot of parts to find. At least for me.
This week, I discovered a part that was protecting me from the trauma of a situation I rarely think of. My mother was diagnosed with MS when I was 14. She was severely ill at first, even hospitalized, then went into somewhat of a remission. A few years later, while on vacation as a family in Florida, she suddenly became very sick again. She couldn’t see. She could barely walk. My father assigned me to fly home with her to Missouri. He and my sisters would drive home in our car, as we had driven to Florida.
This flight with my Mom was very turbulent. It turned out to be a bad snowstorm and we were diverted to Omaha, Nebraska. So here I am, a teenager, with a blind Mom who is struggling to see and walk, stuck in Omaha overnight. The next morning we flew to Missouri. I can’t remember a thing about it except the airplane turbulence. I remember that I took this trip, but not the details.
I’ve been journaling about this experience and the rage, terror and confusion I felt as a teen was horrendous. My mother was also mentally compromised at that point, so it was all up to me to negotiate the trip. The reason I don’t think of this much is my childhood often required me to take on great responsibilities. This was no different. But what I’m realizing now, is I did them with all my feelings stuffed. How else could I?
Journaling about this event this week revealed my rage at my mother, the MS, but mostly at my father for abandoning me with this crisis. I probably felt my true feelings for the first time ever.
My question for you is this: my symptoms mimic MS. Do you think that’s a coincidence? If so, what do you think they’re saying? What should I say back? Have you had anything like this happen to you—where your symptoms mimic a trauma-related or rage-filled
event in your life?
The therapy I am getting is called Internal Family Systems (IFS). The premise behind IFS is, that each time you lived through some trauma, a part of you (or parts) took on a role to help you cope with it. And because our subconscious world is timeless, these parts are stuck in time. They are still concerned about whatever it is that caused the trauma. They don’t know that times have changed. You have to find them, befriend them, let them tell their story, then help them heal. After that’s accomplished, the part can retire from that job it took on and supposedly you will feel better. I say supposedly because there are a lot of parts to find. At least for me.
This week, I discovered a part that was protecting me from the trauma of a situation I rarely think of. My mother was diagnosed with MS when I was 14. She was severely ill at first, even hospitalized, then went into somewhat of a remission. A few years later, while on vacation as a family in Florida, she suddenly became very sick again. She couldn’t see. She could barely walk. My father assigned me to fly home with her to Missouri. He and my sisters would drive home in our car, as we had driven to Florida.
This flight with my Mom was very turbulent. It turned out to be a bad snowstorm and we were diverted to Omaha, Nebraska. So here I am, a teenager, with a blind Mom who is struggling to see and walk, stuck in Omaha overnight. The next morning we flew to Missouri. I can’t remember a thing about it except the airplane turbulence. I remember that I took this trip, but not the details.
I’ve been journaling about this experience and the rage, terror and confusion I felt as a teen was horrendous. My mother was also mentally compromised at that point, so it was all up to me to negotiate the trip. The reason I don’t think of this much is my childhood often required me to take on great responsibilities. This was no different. But what I’m realizing now, is I did them with all my feelings stuffed. How else could I?
Journaling about this event this week revealed my rage at my mother, the MS, but mostly at my father for abandoning me with this crisis. I probably felt my true feelings for the first time ever.
My question for you is this: my symptoms mimic MS. Do you think that’s a coincidence? If so, what do you think they’re saying? What should I say back? Have you had anything like this happen to you—where your symptoms mimic a trauma-related or rage-filled
event in your life?
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