I haven't been in this site for quite some time now. Today I felt the hardest feelings I had ever come by! And it freaked me out a little bit. A really deep and intense anxiety, as soon as I felt it I thought about suicide (not that I would ever do that). Since I had stopped my jornaling about half a year ago things had been going really well, especially this year. It felt I was getting better at sending love to myself. I've stopped drinking and get good rest most nights. Recently I had a G.F leave me and up until today ( 2 weeks after the break up) I felt I had been handling it quite well. I guess I am pretty upset about her leaving as she claims it was for my own safety and the safety of my family where as I can't help but feel that she was glad to end the relationship or feels relieved that its over. Well I'm wondering if I should start the structured educational program from day one or pick up from where I left off?
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- Thread starter Edward
- Start date
Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)
Beloved Grand Eagle
You were doing great until you and your GF broke up.
That must have put you back.
Don't despair, just start the SEProgram from day one and not from where you left off.
You just need to think again on TMS and your repressed emotions.
You may feel anger over the GF situation.
It takes two to tango, remember, so don't blame yourself. If you feel she's relived
about the break-up, that's her problem.
Relax, breathe deeply, laugh, and be glad you didn't marry her!
That must have put you back.
Don't despair, just start the SEProgram from day one and not from where you left off.
You just need to think again on TMS and your repressed emotions.
You may feel anger over the GF situation.
It takes two to tango, remember, so don't blame yourself. If you feel she's relived
about the break-up, that's her problem.
Relax, breathe deeply, laugh, and be glad you didn't marry her!
Forest
Beloved Grand Eagle
Heya, Edward, welcome back! I'm really glad to hear that you have been making progress. In my experience, setbacks like that are part of life and reaching out helps me get by. I bet the same will be true of you, so welcome!
I've had some pretty dark times in my life, too. I remember taking a walk about 6 years ago and being afraid that if I didn't ever feel better, I might think about suicide. It was related to a broken up relationship as well. I thought I'd share that so you don't feel alone, but I do think that feelings of that sort are often a wakeup call that a doctor or therapist could really help. Of course, our community doesn't have any formal training regarding suicide, so we can't assess what sort of help would be best for you. I'd suggest calling 1-800-273-8255 or Googling the phrase "suicide prevention" to find the resources that are best for you. It's better being safe than sorry.
In terms of the SEP, if you want to do it, I'd suggest starting on day 1. However, I'm not sure it is the right thing for you right now. As a completely untrained amateur, my hunch is that you might be suffering from depression. You can Google "depression screening" and take some of the free depression screening tests, but they can't replace a consultation with a licensed professional. This is relevant to the program because Day 4 of the SEP says the following: "This program is intended to help people explore feelings that may be causing their TMS/PPD. If you are depressed, you should consider whether you are ready for this level of exploration, and revisit the structured educational program once you are ready."
Why would that be true? Well, I know that when I feel bad, I tend to think about the things that make me feel bad - which makes me feel even worse. From a scientific perspective, one of the purposes of negative emotions is to focus our attention on bad things (like a lion approaching) so that we can do something about them. Unfortunately, this can lead us to focus too much on the negative if we do journaling when we are down. I know this because I used to do it all the time when I was feeling down. It only made me feel worse. Hence, doing journaling in the SEP when you are going through a rough spot may not be the best idea.
My personal thought about how to get through this rough patch? Throw yourself into something you love. Your mind will want to ruminate on the past, and the best medicine for that is to immerse yourself in something else that makes you feel good. If you find that you can't take pleasure in the things that you usually take pleasure in, that may be a symptom of depression and another clue that it may be time to get help. Hopefully that won't be the case, though, you will get a good start on the road to recovery.
I've had some pretty dark times in my life, too. I remember taking a walk about 6 years ago and being afraid that if I didn't ever feel better, I might think about suicide. It was related to a broken up relationship as well. I thought I'd share that so you don't feel alone, but I do think that feelings of that sort are often a wakeup call that a doctor or therapist could really help. Of course, our community doesn't have any formal training regarding suicide, so we can't assess what sort of help would be best for you. I'd suggest calling 1-800-273-8255 or Googling the phrase "suicide prevention" to find the resources that are best for you. It's better being safe than sorry.
In terms of the SEP, if you want to do it, I'd suggest starting on day 1. However, I'm not sure it is the right thing for you right now. As a completely untrained amateur, my hunch is that you might be suffering from depression. You can Google "depression screening" and take some of the free depression screening tests, but they can't replace a consultation with a licensed professional. This is relevant to the program because Day 4 of the SEP says the following: "This program is intended to help people explore feelings that may be causing their TMS/PPD. If you are depressed, you should consider whether you are ready for this level of exploration, and revisit the structured educational program once you are ready."
Why would that be true? Well, I know that when I feel bad, I tend to think about the things that make me feel bad - which makes me feel even worse. From a scientific perspective, one of the purposes of negative emotions is to focus our attention on bad things (like a lion approaching) so that we can do something about them. Unfortunately, this can lead us to focus too much on the negative if we do journaling when we are down. I know this because I used to do it all the time when I was feeling down. It only made me feel worse. Hence, doing journaling in the SEP when you are going through a rough spot may not be the best idea.
My personal thought about how to get through this rough patch? Throw yourself into something you love. Your mind will want to ruminate on the past, and the best medicine for that is to immerse yourself in something else that makes you feel good. If you find that you can't take pleasure in the things that you usually take pleasure in, that may be a symptom of depression and another clue that it may be time to get help. Hopefully that won't be the case, though, you will get a good start on the road to recovery.
Cheers heaps Forest and Walt for your advice. Yep I live in New Zealand so I'll do that search. I also study so I think they have therapists on campus. I will look into that. I think a lot of it might be music related also. I study music and I am always having to work through those feelings of inadequacy. I definitely hear you Forset about the journaling as that is probably more for people trying to get in touch with there pain symptoms.
Tennis Tom
Beloved Grand Eagle
Hi Edward,
Could you please elaborate on this, if you feel like doing so, I'm not getting that? Good move on your part to come back here, as anxiety and depression , etc. are AFFECTIVE emotional TMS symptoms along with physical ones such as back pain.
yb44
Beloved Grand Eagle
Hi Edward, despite my current age I remember all too well the pain of separation when a romantic relationship broke down. As SteveO says in his book and frequently on this forum, we all need to feel connected with other people. Feeling disconnected creates the internal rage which in turn is transformed into pain, anxiety and depression. I know the last thing I wanted to do when I was depressed was to strengthen existing connections or, heaven forbid, make new ones but when I disregarded the strong desire to isolate myself, that pain of separation lessened. I have a young adult daughter who suffered a break-up recently. It brought back memories of another more intense break-up that she went through a couple of years ago during which she received treatment for depression. This time I notice how she is connecting with others, surrounding herself with supportive people and arranging to go out on dates despite some major fears. It will get better, Edward. You saw it happen before. You will see it again.
Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)
Beloved Grand Eagle
Edward, you might join a club on campus. Maybe something you never thought you'd join.
Drama, art, poetry, science, sports. A movie club. Whatever interests you.
You will meet new people with different perspectives.
You might even meet a girl a lot nicer to you than the one who broke up with you.
You're really not disconnected. You're connected to a lot of people, in the thousands and more,
who have had a relationship go bad. Look at how many people have divorced but gone on to
marry someone they were meant to marry in the first place but they just never met.
The next valley of love and peace is just over the mountain you're on now.
Drama, art, poetry, science, sports. A movie club. Whatever interests you.
You will meet new people with different perspectives.
You might even meet a girl a lot nicer to you than the one who broke up with you.
You're really not disconnected. You're connected to a lot of people, in the thousands and more,
who have had a relationship go bad. Look at how many people have divorced but gone on to
marry someone they were meant to marry in the first place but they just never met.
The next valley of love and peace is just over the mountain you're on now.
tigerlilly
Well known member
Edward - all excellent advice from everyone above.
The only thing I can add right now is give yourself self-compassion during this difficult time. This was a new thought to me in my TMS healing. I always knew about having low self-esteem. But I didn't realize I could combat that with self-compassion:
http://tmswiki.org/forum/threads/the-chemistry-of-self-empathy.4295/
The only thing I can add right now is give yourself self-compassion during this difficult time. This was a new thought to me in my TMS healing. I always knew about having low self-esteem. But I didn't realize I could combat that with self-compassion:
http://tmswiki.org/forum/threads/the-chemistry-of-self-empathy.4295/
