I haven't been in this site for quite some time now. Today I felt the hardest feelings I had ever come by! And it freaked me out a little bit. A really deep and intense anxiety, as soon as I felt it I thought about suicide (not that I would ever do that). Since I had stopped my jornaling about half a year ago things had been going really well, especially this year. It felt I was getting better at sending love to myself. I've stopped drinking and get good rest most nights. Recently I had a G.F leave me and up until today ( 2 weeks after the break up) I felt I had been handling it quite well. I guess I am pretty upset about her leaving as she claims it was for my own safety and the safety of my family where as I can't help but feel that she was glad to end the relationship or feels relieved that its over. Well I'm wondering if I should start the structured educational program from day one or pick up from where I left off?