Rejection and Failure

[GTfan]

I firmly believe that this fear of rejection is the number one reason for most of my internal repressed anger and even the conscious felt emotion.

It's probably the worst feeling I could imagine. You go on a date with a pretty girl thinking things went well and get your hopes up, only to never hear back again. It's a deflating shot at your confidence and ego to think that someone saw what you had to offer and decided that you just weren't good enough.

I think fear of rejection has most definitely held me back in life, for whatever reason, maybe a childhood reason I can't remember. Although I have gotten better, I have always been hesitant to approach girls out of fear.

I also have an intense fear of failure. If I fail at a job at work, then I beat myself up a lot and think of myself poorly. If I'm not 100 percent sure of how to do something then I'm hesitant, because I don't want to fail. I think this has held me back, because it has prevented me from learning new things. I think this can also be tied to rejection too, because if I fail then I think my co-workers will "reject" me by thinking I'm not good at my job.

I've even not performed sexually before, all because I was not confident or simply feared that I would not perform.

My question is how can I overcome this intense fear of rejection and failure? Every time I experience it, it feels terrible. And the fear of it happening again prevents me from growing and learning from my mistakes.

 

[sadoromi]

I'd say fail as much as possible. Get rejected like 100 times. You'll eventually get used to it and you'll stop taking it to heart.
I think that's the fastest way to prove to your subconscious mind that minor failures aren't life-threatening and there's nothing to fear, and it's in fact an absolutely normal thing. I guess even with the best preparation you'll always fail a bunch of times before you succeed, especially with girls.
What actually threatens your life here is not failure though, it's giving up after it.

 

[Adventureseeker]

GTfan, I know what you mean. In my case it's fear of rejection in my professional career. I'm trying to change jobs, and each time I attend an interview and get rejected, it feels so bad. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with my personality :-( I do believe in my skills and aptitude, but it's so hard to convince other people in a few minutes!
Maybe my fear of rejection isn't helping me, although I do my best to sound confident during interviews. I guess up till now the best solution I've found is to keep trying, to believe that if you knock on a hundred doors, one of them will eventually open...