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Question for women about bras

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dlane2530

Well known member
Hi ladies,

I have a large cup size and average band size, so finding bras that fit well has always been hard. Well, to be honest, I've never had a bra that didn't hurt, at least as an adult -- or at least, once or twice I've had ones that didn't hurt, but not often. And then my size would change and it would stop working.

Even with getting lots of different fittings, specialty shops, etc., even places like Decent Exposures that make them to order (although that worked better!).

Golly...I've been wondering how much of the pain that I've connected to this issue (neck, shoulders, back, head) is conditioned. Thing is, bras sure can cause pain, as can bigger busts. Or so I have always been told? I'm always going searching for a better bra...and of course they're $75 each at this size (34/36I, no, I'm not joking, and you should've seen my size when I was breastfeeding!).

I'm definitely aware of trauma issues related to the femaleness of my body, and the desire when I was younger to hide my body.

How do I tell if it's the bra or TMS/conditioning when I never ever have a bra that doesn't hurt? I've always just believed that bras would hurt. I also have different pain after a while if I don't wear a bra (probably because of the weight).

Also, when I was doing my Camino pilgrimage in June, my shoulders completely stopped hurting. I was wearing sports bras. And even carrying a backpack! But also having all sorts of other experiences that pulled my attention away from my shoulders, etc.

Can anyone help me sort this out? It's hard to go back to "you just need the ordinary things" when my size just really is very unusual, so I can't actually just go to Target and get a bra.
 
Do women really need to wear bras? Unless we go somewhere like in an office that requires professional look, I don't bother. Also I see those loose half tops, not exactly bras, no metal wires or cushions but some support, those are comfortable.
 
I can’t go anywhere, not to a single retail store to buy shoes or clothing “off the rack” I’m over 6 feet tall and have long, skinny feet. Retail stores simply no longer carry my size anywhere.
It’s not unusual (all our side of the family are between 6-7 feet, either very large or extremely small) - it’s just not catered to in retail.
The key is recognizing you are not weird, rare, less than or whatever else might be stuck in your mind… you just aren’t a commercial commodity! Wear a bra as long as you can or when you need to, rest of the time throw on something more comfortable. Don’t worry about it - a baggy shirt wonders around the house! At some point your nervous system will simply drop worrying about the constant need for cocooning comfort and you’ll wear whatever you want.
 
louaci said:
Do women really need to wear bras? Unless we go somewhere like in an office that requires professional look, I don't bother. Also I see those loose half tops, not exactly bras, no metal wires or cushions but some support, those are comfortable.
Click to expand...
I guess this is a bit hard for me because my muscles complain about no bra, and also, I'm enormous, so it's verrrry noticeable. I look fatter and frumpier. I don't want to not look like other women.
But...I guess this speaks to some degree about the place this all holds in my mind.
 
Cactusflower said:
At some point your nervous system will simply drop worrying about the constant need for cocooning comfort and you’ll wear whatever you want.
Click to expand...
Seems like this ought to happen...? Yes, it's a feeling of being weird, like "I'm different from all over women, there's no solution for me, and as a result I will have to just hurt."
 
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Too bad we can't get together for a laugh in person, Dixie - I'm AAA.

I've known several women who had breast reduction surgery and are thrilled with the results. We weren't designed to live this long, but the good news is that the same medical expertise which leads to our longevity can also improve the quality of our lives.
 
"I look fatter and frumpier."

"I'm different from all over women, there's no solution for me, and as a result I will have to just hurt."

Journal about these things, and journal about changes you could make if you chose to. Let them ruminate for a bit. See where some parts of you have opposing views on your conscious opinions on how you look, and how you think about yourself and do the same with possible solutions. It is really helpful to sorting out what you really truly want and if you don't know right now, it's helpful to getting to that point you feel confident and firm in your decisions to either change or love yourself just as you are.

To add to this, Dani at mytmsjourney has been talking about women and the hormone Oxytocin. She talks about that the majority of stress related studies have focused on men, and that now there are studies including women, differences in all parts of the stress response are showing up in small ways. One is that women have a different oxytocin level - meaning that their bodies need to generate more to lower the stress response and that theirs was specifically lowered with feelings of belonging, physical touch, and a few other things. So take into consideration that because you are in a flight/flight state right now, your oxytocin is low and you may have feelings and thoughts about feeling less than or not belonging and how that adds to your stress response. Making sure you journal about your feelings of belonging increases oxytocin.
 
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