Question about relapse of back pain

[Mala]

I have a question about a relapse of pain.

When i started hurting 2 months after I slipped & hurt my back, I went back to the basics of TMS that is not to fear the pain by continuing to live normally & to think about what was bothering me.

Why did it not work & why did the pain persist??

The pain got so bad that I had no choice but to see a dr & have an MRI taken which of course then starts the whole worrying process & then doubts creep in.

What I wld like to know is why my initial response of repudiating the symptoms & trying to focus on what was bothering me not work.

Thx v much.

Mala

 

[Baseball65]

Hi Mala... Long time!

If you were writing a story and Mala was the main character, why would it be convenient, well timed, sinisterly serendipitous .. for her to have an outbreak of pain right now? From what does she need distraction?

I know you know the drill.

When I was going through my divorce I also had two sticky TMS relapses..one in my shoulder and one in my knee... the shoulder was about a month, the knee maybe a week longer, but they were almost back to back if I recall... I needed a distraction because I would not/could not understand why I was getting divorced.. I was willing to do anything to fix the marriage, to keep my world 'stable' . My role in my family was being deleted. I felt like I was being kicked out of the family.

That was about the most painful thing I could imagine.... so I couldn't. My mind was constantly spinning in the TMS circle to PROTECT me from ???? Snapping? Giving up? Regardless I didn't have to pay attention to it when I was in pain...the pain had my attention EVEN when I was treating it like TMS and obviously knew the divorce and subsequent restarting my life again had me in a RAGE so scary I needed help...and I got it.
I had sort of dismissed the divorce because it was so obvious and kept thinking it was work or baseball... funny in retrospect.

TMS is a helper. I wouldn't go back for all the Tea in China. It was a change for the better and my life is quantitatively outstanding compared to that time frame BUT, I didn't know that then and the 5 year old inside wants to be assuaged NOW

All of this insight is with 11 years of retrospect. When it was going on I didn't have a clue and the symptoms did go away... I just had to do the work harder.... all of us have developed slightly different versions of this and I am sure you know the drill INSIDE you.

So Why does she need this? What is she being protected from? To get our attention it has to be scary and frustrating...

Any time someone like you who knows this intimately and in detail gets a sticky relapse it just means it's time to dig deeper...makes me appreciate the respites in between in my blissful oblivion. Personal relationships? Family? Finance? Mortality? Spiritual upheaval? Remember that Sarno said when a relapse seems to come out of nowhere to look really close.....sometimes it's so close we need readers (LOL)

-peace

 

[Mala]

Hello Baseball65. Thx for the prompt reply & yes it's been a while.

When I had the fall, I was shaken a bit especially when the back of my head started to swell up but after a day resting & some pain killers I was ready to continue my holiday. That's how invincible I felt.

When the pain came on 2 months later I immediately went down the road of identifying what might be emotionally bothering me & at the same time staying active even continuing my yoga, zumba etc. Honest to God I could not & still cannot for the life of me put my finger on it.

I do not think revisiting childhood traumas is the answer. I did that & am done with it.

There have been no big changes in my life or lifestyle.

So I'm thinking along the lines of
-my personality type
-fear of aging & u highlighted a good one......
-mortality

Oh why does it have to be so hard......

Take care my friend.

Mala