Pelvic floor tension, pressure to perform

[tmspelvicpain]

For a long time I have been dealing with Pelvic floor pain/tension which prevents me from enjoying sex. My theory on why I have this tension is because I am really concerned about my performance in bed. Constantly when I'm about to have sex I get worries in my head that I will cum fast and not please my partner. Because of this my pelvic floor tenses up and this tension that comes up makes me cum quick which makes this a anxiety tension cycle. During the day I feel my pelvic floor being tense in which i believe is a distraction from the emotions I'm feeling regarding shame/guilt of not being good enough and putting a lot of pressure on myself to perform.

Does anyone have tips on how to tackle this issue? Its been taking a toll on my mental health lately.

 

[MindMood]

I've dealt with sexual anxiety for years, so I can relate. The best way to tackle the issue is to take the pressure off of yourself. I understand this is easier said than done.

Start with practicing acceptance and adopting an "it is what it is" perspective - even though that might seem counterintuitive to how your brain is currently wired.

You can also do some other things to take the pressure off. Some people find that they can have sex for longer durations if they masturbate more frequently. Also, if you want to pleasure your partner, you can spend time doing other thing for them before starting intercourse.

Don't forget that what you're dealing with is a form of perfectionism. It is very likely that you struggle with perfectionism and criticism in other areas of your life as well. Working through this holistically (across all areas of your life), will help you to feel better. Journal about it, talk to a therapist, practice mindfulness. Do the work consistently, and you will see benefits.

 

[tmspelvicpain]

I've dealt with sexual anxiety for years, so I can relate. The best way to tackle the issue is to take the pressure off of yourself. I understand this is easier said than done.

Start with practicing acceptance and adopting an "it is what it is" perspective - even though that might seem counterintuitive to how your brain is currently wired.

You can also do some other things to take the pressure off. Some people find that they can have sex for longer durations if they masturbate more frequently. Also, if you want to pleasure your partner, you can spend time doing other thing for them before starting intercourse.

Don't forget that what you're dealing with is a form of perfectionism. It is very likely that you struggle with perfectionism and criticism in other areas of your life as well. Working through this holistically (across all areas of your life), will help you to feel better. Journal about it, talk to a therapist, practice mindfulness. Do the work consistently, and you will see benefits.

Thanks for the comment. I can relate with the perfectionism comment. I had moments where I was completely satisfied with who I am and did not have any tension in the pelvic floor region. I indeed think the way out of it is accepting who I am and that I will still have struggles, but its ok to have struggles. I need to stop beating myself up on things that I do not have and can not do. I still want to improve myself on multiple levels, but the improvement should come from a place of acceptance, and not from a place of lacking something

 

[MindMood]

Thanks for the comment. I can relate with the perfectionism comment. I had moments where I was completely satisfied with who I am and did not have any tension in the pelvic floor region. I indeed think the way out of it is accepting who I am and that I will still have struggles, but its ok to have struggles. I need to stop beating myself up on things that I do not have and can not do. I still want to improve myself on multiple levels, but the improvement should come from a place of acceptance, and not from a place of lacking something

Well said!