Day 3 Pain increase with a vengeance

[creekerchick]

I walked around the block with my dog 2 days ago as I had been doing 2-3 days a week as a part of my recovery and within 15mins I was feeling pain like I felt in my darkest hour a year ago. The pain in my sacrum/buttock area has been burning so much that I have trouble sitting, fear dog walking and didn't go to work today. This all started a little over a year ago and I am so frustrated! I've read all of Sarno's books, SteveO's book (so great), Amir, and Brady's book after having MRI's/Xrays that show usual disk aging stuff. Tried PT, Chiro, EFT, Acup. + more. At the first of the year I had hope and improved re-reading Sarno and SteveO's book and pushing through the pain (walking, jogging, shopping). I have worked p/t since March but since August I've slowing digressed.

It's like a roller coaster - I journal and read something on TMS Form (Wavy Soul's Journey is so helpful!) and feel better and then I fall into fear, dread with increased pain with activity. The book 'Will to Live' is resonating with me. I may have big issues around that as I haven't been passionate about anything in my life for a while (just turned 50). Thought that after joining A Course in Miracles group at first of year I would be more positive with the knowledge of my true Self and not identifying with my small self would be liberating (Simple, but not easy). So many years of not loving myself unconditionally...I suppose change is incredibly hard for me. Start psychotherapy sessions tomorrow. I can conceptualize TMS & mind/body/spirit connection, yet journaling, trying to ignore pain and not fear, read inspirational stories/books only works temporarily. Knowing about Extinction Bursts makes me feel a little better but... hurts so much & don't want to quit my job Help!!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, creekerchick. It's good that you are going to start psychotherapy sessions tomorrow. You need to lift your spirits and regain
confidence that TMS will heal you. I'm 84 and know all about disc aging, but I follow Dr. Sarno's philosophy that it's just
"gray hairs of the spine."

Looks to me like you need to discover the psychological cause(s) of your pain and low spirits. The Structured Education Program
is excellent for ways to do that.

A friend's wife discovered, through psychotherapy, that her mental condition began in her childhood when her mother
told her she didn't love her (I won't say how she expressed that, but it was awful). Through therapy and time, she
forgave her mother and resumed a normal healthy physical and mental life. You'll get there, too. You just have to be willing
to look into your life, especially your childhood, and discover your repressed emotions. The psychotherapist should help you in that.

 

[creekerchick]

Hi Walt, Thanks for your words of encouragement. Your post drives home what the therapist said yesterday and a friend showed me today (based on placement of 5 different items on paper). It is the relationship I have with my mother and that I have 'married my mother'. I had a turbulent childhood and did not feel loved and protected. The tree I drew in therapy (meant to represent my anger) resembled a nuclear cloud. THAT's interesting! I need to mother myself, ground myself in this world and communicate my feelings. Enough intellectualizing more applying what I have read. So ready for a breakthrough and trying not to resist that which will persist. In the mean time, any tips/advice you have for continuing to walk, bend, lift despite excruciating pain is so appreciated! My dog Mia would love to have her mom wearing tennis shoes and holding a leash and poop bag back. ;-)

 

[vandy1313]

Creekerchick,

Your title caught my eye as i recently went through some heavy pain myself. Im on Day 14 now. I've been dealing with pain for 1.5yrs and a couple months ago, read Dr. Sarno's book, Healing Back Pain. Around the same time as you i had massive back spasms and full body spasms for that matter. It took me 45min to get out of the bed to the bathroom 10ft away. Thankfully, I got through it with the help of the this community and the Structured Therapy. Remember, we are retraining our brain, For many of us, it takes some time. Strangely enough, when the pain goes heavy like that, we are on the right track as the unconscious mind tries to keep us in fear to keep us from dealing with the root cause of the pain, which are our repressed emotions.

Its good that you will be getting some professional help. May i suggest in the interim and throughout your therapy, when the pain comes, try and identify what is causing you stress at that moment. Think psychologically and KNOW that WE will beat this!