Over analysis everything now

[Macca]

Hi

I have been practising the mind body principle for a while now and although the discomfort to my chest & ribs (costochonditris) is still the same I have had a breakthrough with emotions. I have suffered with stabbing, burning and numbing pain, originally in the left chest pec but over the three and half years it’s spread to all my chest and my ribs. Daily I feel them, sometimes I’m better with fear but other times it just gets the better of me.
I get the principle but stabbing chest pain is so hard to sit with when it’s so intense and has sent me to the hospital before.
I have recently had 12 weeks of a stiff neck which can also be a symptom of costochonditris. I’m constantly thinking about what’s going on in my life and every time I get any pain anywhere in my body I’m over analysing it.
I have very good knowledge of the concept of tms through reading books, curable app, numerous online courses and I have even spoken to a couple of tms trained therapist.

I just wondered if I’m trying to hard because I am constantly thinking about it, somatic tracking, breath work, meditation, journaling listening to podcasts.
It’s probably because I haven’t had a dramatic drop of symptoms at all in the three and half years.

during this time I have just felt numb, I couldn’t feel emotions but recently I have had a little break through. I have felt anger that I’m still going through this and have had anger towards the doctors, medical staff and even a bloke who sells a backpod because he says Costochonditris is structural. I have done some inner child work and I feel upset that the inner child of me and adult have been left feeling alone in this. I have shed a few tears but it’s normally over pretty quick which would suggest that I’m still resisting a bit.
I don’t get excited or feel happy so I need to allow those emotions to come out.

I have given myself plenty of self compassion because I have done brilliant over the last couple of years because they have some really lows and wanted to give up on life but I have always kept going and punching.
sorry for the rant I just need a bit of advice to put me back on track

 

[sam908]

I am constantly thinking about it, somatic tracking, breath work, meditation, journaling listening to podcasts.

Dan Buglio's videos might resonate with you, as he makes minimal use of these tools.

 

[Baseball65]

I have very good knowledge of the concept of tms

I would say I have a pretty good understanding of TMS and I just had one of the scariest relapses EVER. In fact, it is probably a "tortoise and hare" issue..I THOUGHT I was immune from that because I know about it.. but that is like saying "I know how gravity works, so I am gonna step off this scaffold"

It's what you DO and it's about Anger and hunting down and exposing it in your life. in every facet As much as bearable. It doesn't matter how you get there. I just got over it in 5-6 days, BUT I spent my energy sticking my nose in my own Ignored Backyard...Family. Work. Family. Money. Family. Politics and world incineration. Family.....

I still don't even know what 'somatic tracking' is... I have read Alan Gordon and he has some reassuring words, but I don't know how to convert that into something I can DO. I am a block stacker, lap counter, speedometer checker. I tried a TMS meditation thing and It was cool and helped me relax, but I am several cups of coffee away from meditating most days. And I don't journal.. I write lists of things that Piss me off which reminds me of other things that piss me off which remind me of horrible things that have happened in my life that I probably wish I could forget about...and I do sometimes.....and then I get a symptom.

I have felt anger that I’m still going through this and have had anger towards the doctors, medical staff and even a bloke who sells a backpod because he says Costochonditris is structural.

Did you scream until your throat was raw? I would. I have neighbors with a baby so I have to do it while I drive now....Do you want to beat the F=K out of that guy? If you don't, you're not angry enough.

I have shed a few tears

I forced myself to watch the saddest thing I could find and then pulled up a picture of my Fathers Grave and bawled like a baby twice...that was also therapeutic.

Most of the world HATES male emotion. If we cry, we're beta bitches and if we get angry we're 'Toxic males' (me most of the time)....You might need to kick the cage a little...your own. I know this is a textual forum, but it sounds like your staying inside the lines too much...fuck 'em....drive right over the pylons and into the shoulder of the road...knock over a tree...shake something. Break something. It's all good.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

it's about Anger and hunting down and exposing it in your life. in every facet As much as bearable. It doesn't matter how you get there. I just got over it in 5-6 days, BUT I spent my energy sticking my nose in my own Ignored Backyard...Family. Work. Family. Money. Family. Politics and world incineration. Family.....

@Macca, this is worth repeating, because as I've seen @Baseball65 also say many times, the shallow anger you have about your symptoms is NOT where your true rage comes from. Our repressed rage is not obvious to us without doing the work, because it's - duh - repressed!

The real rage comes from old childhood patterns of dealing with emotions, formed in childhood, and those patterns are unconsciously repeated, and continue to create unacceptable (thus repressed) rage, as a result of conflict in adult relationships and life circumstances.

It really does go back to childhood, and the current instigators of rage often (like, reeeally often) continue to be family members, first and foremost, whether actual birth family or spouses and kids.

So let's see, in his list above, did @Baseball65 happen to mention family? Oh yeah, there it is. Like four times...

 

[Macca]

Dan Buglio's videos might resonate with you, as he makes minimal use of these tools.

Hi
I currently watch his videos everyday
Thank you

 

[Macca]

Did you scream until your throat was raw? I would. I have neighbors with a baby so I have to do it while I drive now....Do you want to beat the F=K out of that guy? If you don't, you're not angry enough.

I never thought of expressing it in that way.
It’s something I will definitely try.
Years ago after a heated argument where I got my point across, I always used to feel better but for the last couple of years I have just felt numb

 

[Macca]

I would say I have a pretty good understanding of TMS and I just had one of the scariest relapses EVER. In fact, it is probably a "tortoise and hare" issue..I THOUGHT I was immune from that because I know about it.. but that is like saying "I know how gravity works, so I am gonna step off this scaffold"

It's what you DO and it's about Anger and hunting down and exposing it in your life. in every facet As much as bearable. It doesn't matter how you get there. I just got over it in 5-6 days, BUT I spent my energy sticking my nose in my own Ignored Backyard...Family. Work. Family. Money. Family. Politics and world incineration. Family.....

I still don't even know what 'somatic tracking' is... I have read Alan Gordon and he has some reassuring words, but I don't know how to convert that into something I can DO. I am a block stacker, lap counter, speedometer checker. I tried a TMS meditation thing and It was cool and helped me relax, but I am several cups of coffee away from meditating most days. And I don't journal.. I write lists of things that Piss me off which reminds me of other things that piss me off which remind me of horrible things that have happened in my life that I probably wish I could forget about...and I do sometimes.....and then I get a symptom.
Did you scream until your throat was raw? I would. I have neighbors with a baby so I have to do it while I drive now....Do you want to beat the F=K out of that guy? If you don't, you're not angry enough.
I forced myself to watch the saddest thing I could find and then pulled up a picture of my Fathers Grave and bawled like a baby twice...that was also therapeutic.

Most of the world HATES male emotion. If we cry, we're beta bitches and if we get angry we're 'Toxic males' (me most of the time)....You might need to kick the cage a little...your own. I know this is a textual forum, but it sounds like your staying inside the lines too much...fuck 'em....drive right over the pylons and into the shoulder of the road...knock over a tree...shake something. Break something. It's all good.

I know what you mean, I used to think showing emotions were weak but now I genuinely want to embrace them. One thing about this whole process is, it’s made me want to help others which can only be a good thing

 

[Macca]

he real rage comes from old childhood patterns of dealing with emotions, formed in childhood, and those patterns are unconsciously repeated, and continue to create unacceptable (thus repressed) rage, as a result of conflict in adult relationships and life circumstances.

It really does go back to childhood, and the current instigators of rage often (like, reeeally often) continue to be family members, first and foremost, whether actual birth family or spouses and kids.

When I first started doing the tms work I couldn’t see that anything from my child hood was responsible for this pain, I loved my child hood and my family but……… as I have delved into the work I have noticed that I didn’t feel good enough or I was incapable of happiness. I remember thinking when I was very young that I wouldn’t ever get married, have a decent job, have kids or nice house. Almost like I would get found out because I didn’t deserve it. I hate rejection although I play the part that I don’t care and I’ll go along way to please others. I’m actually starting to appreciate the man I’am because I would be proud if my son turned out like me.

my pain initially came on a month before my son was born, we had complications and they came out of nowhere. They went away after he was born and then the pandemic kicked in which I feared everything.

by the way, all those things as a child I didn’t think I was good enough to achieve well I have.
I’m only just putting the dots together now.

thanks for your help

 

[Booble]

To address the "are you overanalyzing everything now?"
Likely answer, YES.
You've got the general concept down so now you can put it to work and stop trying to figure it all out.
Maybe your continued study is your new distraction.

Note:
I don't do the somatic tracking because tuning into your bodily sensations is a nightmare (in my opinion) for those of us that overlap with Health Anxiety.
I don't want to pay that much attention. My body is already paying waaaayyyy too much attention.

Anyway, you know what to do. Find the deep, deep anger and know that your physical pain is coming from there.
If you want to keep studying, re-read Sarno.

 

[Macca]

To address the "are you overanalyzing everything now?"
Likely answer, YES.
You've got the general concept down so now you can put it to work and stop trying to figure it all out.
Maybe your continued study is your new distraction.

Note:
I don't do the somatic tracking because tuning into your bodily sensations is a nightmare (in my opinion) for those of us that overlap with Health Anxiety.
I don't want to pay that much attention. My body is already paying waaaayyyy too much attention.

Anyway, you know what to do. Find the deep, deep anger and know that your physical pain is coming from there.
If you want to keep studying, re-read Sarno.

To address the "are you overanalyzing everything now?"
Likely answer, YES.
You've got the general concept down so now you can put it to work and stop trying to figure it all out.
Maybe your continued study is your new distraction.

I have always been an over thinker but your right I need to take the pressure of myself.
Time wise I was at the tms work all the time, I need a break from it at times and where I need to improve is leaning into positive sensations, my legs feel great so I should start there.

i’ m inpatient and I hate the sensations because of where they are situated. Looking into the inner child work I did not feel good enough so I always pushed those emotions & thoughts away, thought weakness was weak but how wrong was I.

Thank you

 

[Booble]

where I need to improve is leaning into positive sensations,

But do you even need to?

What if you gave yourself 30 minutes a day to focus on your inner anger/rage/emotions and 23 hours and 30 minutes to NOT focus on any of this?
Or 30 minutes 3x a week. Or whatever designated amount you'd like. And the rest of the time, not give it a thought until the next time?

 

[Diana-M]

Loving this discussion. Time for me to stop scrambling around and calm down. Journal the rage out and let it all rest. Once you get the concept down, and there’s not much else left to do but the WORK. During the pandemic I just kept going online researching and googling trying to find out how to keep from getting Covid and when it was going to end. All that research, I truly believe, contributed to my recent symptoms. I made myself sick with worry and fear. Now I’ve replaced it with TMS research. Ugh. Hard to admit this.

 

[Booble]

Loving this discussion. Time for me to stop scrambling around and calm down. Journal the rage out and let it all rest. Once you get the concept down, and there’s not much else left to do but the WORK. During the pandemic I just kept going online researching and googling trying to find out how to keep from getting Covid and when it was going to end. All that research, I truly believe, contributed to my recent symptoms. I made myself sick with worry and fear. Now I’ve replaced it with TMS research. Ugh. Hard to admit this.

It fits our personality type.
I did the same with mega research and keeping up on the COVID situation. (Secret: I still don't go to indoor social gatherings or indoor restaurants and I wear my mask.) Instead of giving me symptoms, etc., though it made me feel more in control. Though I did have rage against a certain nutter in our area trying to infect everyone.

Diana, you are making great, great strides. Try not to question yourself. There's no perfect template that you have to follow. Do what feels right and is working for you. You will get out of this. We can already see it happening.

 

[Diana-M]

Diana, you are making great, great strides. You will get out of this. We can already see it happening.

@Booble,
Thank you so much for this! Made me cry.

 

[Diana-M]

It fits our personality type.
I did the same with mega research and keeping up on the COVID situation.

So glad to know I’m not the only one!

 

[Macca]

But do you even need to?

What if you gave yourself 30 minutes a day to focus on your inner anger/rage/emotions and 23 hours and 30 minutes to NOT focus on any of this?
Or 30 minutes 3x a week. Or whatever designated amount you'd like. And the rest of the time, not give it a thought until the next time?

Good suggestion.
I definitely need to focus on fun alongside doing work.
It’s crazy really whilst having the sensations I felt guilty the thought of having fun whilst I was still experiencing pain.
I hate them so I just wanted them to do one first.

 

[Booble]

It’s crazy really whilst having the sensations I felt guilty the thought of having fun whilst I was still experiencing pain.

I can relate to that. I have had conversations with myself (on paper) about this. I feel as if I'm "not doing my job" if I don't attend to all my aches/pains/"scary health worries." My unconscious/immune system told me to butt out and that it didn't need me back seat driving!